weariness Archives - Owl Medicine: Shamanic Healing

Welcoming the Darkness

Sunset tonight was so starkly vivid and raw with color, it was as if the atmosphere itself had lit a celebratory bonfire welcoming the darkness.

Certainly the temperature plunged to a seasonal degree. I’m glad it did; it felt weird to be walking barefoot on the grass a few days ago. But the frozen ground really is unyielding. The puppies didn’t know what to make of it and seemed confused by how much it hurt when tearing across the tundra after their stuffed toy.

Perspective – Photo: L. Weikel

Survival Mode

Practically every single person I’ve spoken to in the past week mentioned how bone-tired they’re feeling. Some have even termed their outlook to be ‘in survival mode.’

And we thought we were exhausted last year? Ha! If nothing else, hopefully we’ve learned the folly of challenging ‘worse.’

As we welcome and embrace the winter season, let’s commit to finding a way to truly rest our weary bones and rejuvenate our spirits. We probably shouldn’t naively believe that everything’s suddenly going to turn around over the next few weeks. But we can prepare ourselves to meet those days with refreshed perspective.

What activity (even if – perhaps especially if – it is a non-activity) can we bring into our holiday season to honor our inner weariness? How do we replenish our inner wellspring of hope?

I’m feeling a yearning to read, to laugh and play games, to snuggle and be with the people I love most in the whole world. Maybe even to write a few words.

If we’re finding ourselves in survival mode – let’s make a point of surviving well.

Photo: L. Weikel

(T+14)

Tigger (looking like how I feel) – Photo: L. Weikel

A Word

It’s weird. The past four years have felt like a never ending slog across the Arctic tundra. Buffeted by gale force winds that seemed to threaten to freeze our faces off, we nevertheless persisted. We endured the daily challenges to credulity. In spite of threats and breaches no one truly imagined we’d encounter, we managed to survive. And now…now I search for a word.

I’m looking for the word that captures the strange feeling I’ve been trying to discern and name since awakening Thursday. Honestly, I thought I’d figure it out and shed the feeling after a couple of days. But it’s persisting. And I’m not sure what to do with it.

One word that pops into my head but may not truly capture what I’m feeling is ennui. That word might also be popping into my head simply because I like the look and sound of it. It’s a neat word.

Merriam-Webster defines ennui as: noun. a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction.

Moving Forward

Yeah, I can get onboard with that definition. At least, I can affirm that ennui captures at least part of what I’ve been flirting with over the past couple of days.

A more visceral description of how I feel might be what it’s like when I watch Tigger stalk a mouse. He will patiently stand on our stove top for what could be hours at a time. (We have a gas range and the little jerks occasionally – especially during the winter – make forays into our kitchen via this very old fashioned appliance.)

He’ll wait and wait and wait. Once the poor little mouse thinks the coast is clear, it’ll poke its head out and Tigger will snag it with his paw and flip it to the floor. If it darts behind the water bowl or into the open cupboard housing Spartacus’s leash, he’ll relish another opportunity to stalk. But once the critter is caught, I can almost see Tigger shrug. Meh. His work here is done.

I can’t tell you how many somewhat traumatized (yet living and breathing) mice I’ve taken outside and told to find a new home if they don’t want to endure this again.

I sort of feel like Tigger. And I’m not sure what I need or want to do to move past this sense of…ennui.