unconditional love

Too Many Clouds – Day 1063

Posted on by Lisa Weikel Leave a comment
Spartacus Dreaming – Photo: L. Weikel

Too Many Clouds

Alas, I was not beamed up by yesterday’s mothership. Nor did I see any Draconids on our walk tonight. There were too many clouds lingering at the first edge of evening, holdovers from the grumpy, overcast weather of the entire day.

I doubt it would come as a surprise to any of you to learn that Spartacus’s sudden death wrenched our family’s hearts. It threw us for a loop. As weird as it may sound, I think the sudden and unexpected loss of him was a cruel reminder of that same sudden and unexpected loss of Karl.

And yet again, I struggle in my attempts to describe my feelings without being perceived as some kind of hack who is unable to discern between love for a human and love for an ‘animal.’ As if one is higher or more refined than the other.

I struggle because, as I’ve said before, love is love. Love is that unabashed, open-hearted relinquishment of barriers between two beings. It’s a giving of one’s heart. It’s a sense of being seen and heard and cherished no matter what.

Simply one of my favorite photos; Son & Mom, Spartacus & Sheila – Photo: L. Weikel

Imbalance

After Sheila died, a year ago, Karl’s and my walks felt out of balance. For over 12 years we’d taken daily walks, each with a pup of our own on a leash. I’ve often wondered as Spartacus and I walked and walked and walked mostly by ourselves over the last several months whether Karl’s sudden, strange onset of pain, making our walks uncomfortable for him, was at all related to that ‘imbalance.’

Surely it doesn’t seem to make any logical sense that losing one of our cherished pups would impact us physically. And yet, the question lingered. It remains unanswered to this day.

I, for one, only realized after his death how constant a presence in my life Spartacus had become. I’ve always been deeply connected to my four-legged companions, from my very first kitten, Katen, who came into my life when I was six. (He passed away shortly before Karl and I were married.) But especially since the pandemic hit, Spartacus had been literally my constant companion. Even in work, which I now do ‘long distance,’ he was at my side. On the porch, in the house, it didn’t matter. He was with me.

“Arf!” – Photo: L. Weikel

Dream

Several days ago, completely unexpectedly, Spartacus appeared to me in the very early hours of the morning. This is when I often receive my most profound communications from other realms.

That morning, I felt like I opened my eyes and saw Spartacus. He was in my face – I could see his adorable little front teeth. His front paws were on me, on my arm, getting my attention. He kept saying, “Arf! Arf!” very insistently. His big brown eyes looked right into mine.

I thought, what is he telling me? What does he mean when he arfs at me like this?

“What pup? What are you telling me?” I asked.

“Get it,” he replied.

“But…”

“I used to tell you to GET IT when I wanted you to go into the yard and get one of my toys to throw for me.”

“But…”

“Get it. Get a puppy. I don’t want you to wait.”

“What???”

“ARF!” And he grinned at me. Love poured out of him, poured out of his big brown eyes.

All I could feel was love for him and his love for me.

“You need me,” he said. And I woke up.

(T-48)

Unconditional Love – Day 914

Posted on by Lisa Weikel Leave a comment
“I love you, Mommy” – Photo: L. Weikel

Unconditional Love

It’s really easy to slip into the habit of taking people, things, and circumstances in our lives for granted. In my experience, it seems that those we’re most likely to take for granted are the ones who love us unconditionally. And when we speak of unconditional love, I wonder just how many of us live it and feel it – either extending it to others or having it extended toward us. Whether giving it or receiving it, I suspect that, for most of us, love with no strings attached is as precious as hen’s teeth.

I’m not waxing on about unconditional love based on some romantic notion. And I guarantee I’m not raising it in commentary on the current escalation of deeply troubling geopolitical circumstances.

No, I’m feeling pretty basic and simplistic this evening. As I mentioned in last night’s post, I’m trying to keep things light. I’m not looking much past my very own nose for subject matter at the moment. It feels like our lives are booby trapped with potentially incendiary topics at every turn.

Where does a person turn for respite in such circumstances?

Tigger – with love in his eyes – Photo: L. Weikel

Creatures

If we’re lucky and seeking a place of solace or a taste of that elusive sense that we’re loved without a single ounce of hesitancy, we need only look into the eyes of our pets. And yes, I’m using the generic word ‘pets’ as opposed to either dog or cat because, quite honestly, I’ve seen such extraordinary love in both species. Cats may be aloof, but they know how to love (even if we might suspect otherwise).

Even Cletus – Photo: L. Weikel

And dogs?

All I can say is, the eyes have it.

I dare anyone to look into that face and tell me Spartacus doesn’t love me unconditionally. And yes, I’ve included photos of our cats as well, photos that capture a connection that feels even greater than a simple ‘heart’ (or, cynically, ‘tummy’) connection: a soul connection. To my mind, that is unconditional love.

I truly believe that our familiars have the capacity to love us unconditionally. And when they do, they model for us the highest expression of loving another. It’s love with no strings. I joke that Spartacus only loves me for the treats I dispense, but in my heart, I know that’s not true. He loves me to my core. He loves me for my core.

It makes me wonder sometimes. How do people survive this often terribly harsh life without sharing their lives with these beings? I swear, sometimes the belief I see in their eyes – the forgiveness, the devotion –  remind me of how I want to look at other people. And maybe even myself sometimes.

Why do so many of us find that so hard?

I love you – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-197)

180 Degree Attitude Shift – Day 398

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 1 Comment
The Turkey Distractors – Photo: L. Weikel

180 Degree Attitude Shift   

I had an interesting evolutionary experience yesterday. I underwent a 180 degree attitude shift as a result of a most unexpected encounter.

Yesterday afternoon, I ran out to the grocery store to pick up a few items. As I made my way home, navigating the puddles of rainwater accumulating on the asphalt and feeling the weight of the creeping fog that matched my mood all too well, I found myself behind a Bucks County Transport Company bus, it’s blinking yellow light caroming off the droplets of water suspended in midair.

The bus had slowed to a stop to allow a neighbor’s disabled brother to disembark, backpack clutched to his chest, his steps carefully measured so as not to lose his balance. His sister, a person I consider to be a passing acquaintance (quite literally, since we really only know each other from when she and her husband jog by us as we take our walks), was standing just up the driveway, waiting to greet him with a wide smile and open arms.

I felt so privileged in that moment to witness such unadulterated and spontaneous love and kindness.

A Moment Disrupted

My appreciation of that moment was jarred out of place by the revving of an engine immediately behind me. Looking in my rearview mirror, I saw a massive pickup truck looming over me, pulled up so close that its headlights were barely visible. It revved its engine again, and I could sense that it wanted to swing out into the oncoming lane and pass both me and the bus ahead of me, but was being forced to stay behind us by approaching traffic.

The impatience was palpable. The judgment, too.

But the bus resumed its route just as the oncoming car went by, and sealing the pickup’s fate of having to remain behind us was the approach of a second car in the opposing lane.

Just down a piece, my road splits off from the main thoroughfare. The bus bore left, remaining on the primary road, while I took the offshoot leading to my home. Regrettably, the gigantic pickup followed me. It continued ‘up my butt’ until I pulled straight into my driveway just to get out of its way. Unsurprisingly, its engine gunned as the impediment to its haste (yours truly) was removed. It tore down my road, far exceeding the 30 mile an hour limit.

It Must Be the Season

As I started writing this post, I realize that the attitude that clicked into gear in my head at that moment was not all that far off from something that happened last year.

You guessed it. When the pickup revved its mag engine yet again and sped down my road, I just had to see where this jerk was going. I backed out onto my road and started following the truck. We went about three quarters of a mile, with me keeping a decent enough distance behind that I was in no danger of being perceived as following. I saw where the truck coasted through a stop sign and turned off onto another road, but as I approached that same stop sign a flock of about 12 turkeys burst out from the left side of the road, crossed right in front of me, and landed pell-mell on the wooded bank above me.

Well, I could not let this opportunity pass. I stopped the car, turned on my 4-ways, and got out, all the while talking to the turkeys and thanking them for the gift of their presence. I told them how much more fun it was to be encountering them than chasing after some jerk.

Even More Gifts

As I took the photo above, I heard a couple muted gobbles and turned back to where the dozen had emerged. I was astounded to see at least another two dozen turkeys running through the leaves, down the bank on the opposite side and splashing through the creek that runs parallel to the road. They were running, half flying, and just making a total ruckus.

I was enchanted. I’ve never seen so many turkeys in one place.

Suddenly, all the turkeys that had burst out in front of me, crossing the road and breaking my determined chase after the impatient pickup started flying back across the road to return to their flock. I took a video, but it’s mostly of me swirling and twirling about, trying to catch them as they took off all around me. It was amazing and they had me laughing out loud. And the aerodynamic skills of these hefty birds (check out that photo) were, umm, comical to say the least.

And so it was that a 180 degree shift in attitude was the gift Turkey – actually a whole enormous flock of them – brought me yesterday. The delight they brought me was a reminder to focus on the love I’d just witnessed at my neighbor’s home.

Funny though – while it didn’t serve me to focus on the unconsciousness and impatience of the bully pickup, I do send it gratitude for leading me to a reminder of what’s important. Without it, I would’ve missed that remarkable encounter.

Turkey butts – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-713)