procrastination Archives - Owl Medicine: Shamanic Healing

Today’s Moon – Photo: L. Weikel

Another Observation

As I sit here contemplating what I’m going to write this evening and how I’d like to spend my weekend, I’m struck by another observation. Even after an entire year of pandemic isolation, I still hear a voice in my head telling me that I do not have the luxury of spending a couple of days doing my version of ‘nothing.’

Now that I acknowledge that’s what I’m hearing in my head, I realize how weird and oddly repressive it is. Seriously. What’s with that? Why do I tell myself these things and perhaps more importantly, why do I succumb to the – what is it? – guilt?

Yes, I read some of the articles published early on in the pandemic entreating us to imagine what we could accomplish in our isolation. I pretty much knew they were bullshit from the start; but yeah, I also secretly told myself that I would indeed be able to accomplish a few of my treasured aspirations. I’d have no excuses.

I admit it: I held myself to a higher standard than I apply to others. I’m an introvert, I’d tell myself. These should be my power circumstances.

Not How It Plays Out

But that doesn’t seem to be the way life plays out. Our outer circumstances may change – even drastically – but if we don’t make a point of examining our inner landscape, it’s almost a given that we’ll end up getting nowhere. That’s because the obstacles and land mines we set for ourselves between where we are and where we tell ourselves we want to go are the most insidious. And if you really pay attention to that last sentence, you’ll see one of the biggest traps revealed.

“…where we tell ourselves we want to go.” Yeah. When was the last time I took the time to truly assess where I am in my life and then ask myself where I want to go and what else I want to accomplish?

How often do I tell myself I ‘have’ to do x, y, or z, when I would almost certainly be better served by plunking myself down and completing that course I signed up for three months ago? I was having so much fun with it! I was learning totally new skills and feeling a modicum of victoriousness (is that even a word?), when I suddenly put it at the bottom of my ‘to do’ list.

I’m Not Alone

Following on the heels of those early pandemic articles exhorting how much we might accomplish in our isolation if we just exercised some personal responsibility, I’ve recently noticed some articles that put a name to some of the disappointment and reticence over diving into new endeavors or returning to old ones: languishing.

I can’t say that I’m experiencing this with full-on intensity. But some of what I read in these articles rings familiar. And an even more interesting phenomenon that maybe feels a little more close to the bone than I’d like to admit is ‘revenge bedtime procrastination.’

Umm. Glancing at my watch…yeah.

Waxing Moon in Virgo – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-217)

Procrastination

I think there’s a really weird dynamic going on, within myself at least, when it comes to procrastination.

I’m finding it just makes me sad.

The weirdness of which I speak comes from a perception I think a lot of us have. Or at least it’s a belief I’ve had when I thought about procrastination generally. And that belief is that one procrastinates because they do not want to do something.

In other words, if a person doesn’t want to do something, they put it off. We’ve all seen the sarcastic adage, “Why do it today if you can put it off until tomorrow?” I believe most people embrace that attitude as the primary reason people procrastinate.

Is it Fear? Or is it Anticipation?

But actually? I know from my experience with lots of creative people (and myself) that many people procrastinate because they don’t feel as if they deserve to spend time on either the pursuits that make them smile (and their hearts sing) or the tasks that will make life better for them in some way.

In my case, for instance, I procrastinate on taking action toward my goals. I procrastinate on putting my self, my dreams, my ideas at the front of the line of my daily “to-do” list.

Funny thing is, if I saw one of my clients doing what I do, I would call them out on it. I would make them choose themselves. I would methodically pick apart each and every one of their excuses for not doing what they were ‘called’ to do. I know I would. And I would persist until I persuaded them to honor themselves.

But it’s a lot harder to call myself out; and it’s harder to persist with the relentless follow through I feel is often so effective in my relationships (and practice).

I procrastinated on something today, something pretty big that I wanted to announce. And yes, something beyond my rate increase, which technically went into effect today.

Perhaps I’ll announce it tomorrow. Yes; perhaps I’ll follow through with it tomorrow. It’s time to stop these shenanigans.

(T-880)