paying attention

Why I Journal – Day 241

Posted on by Lisa Weikel Leave a comment
Journal – Oct. ’05 – May ’06 – Photo: L. Weikel

Why I Journal                                  

Very recently I’ve had occasion to wonder aloud about specific experiences or recollections associated with particular dates. (Let me say right here that I apologize profusely for that sentence. It’s a stinker. And I’ve tried fifteen ways from Sunday to rewrite it but it refuses to improve, no matter what I do to it.)

Instead of resting on that outrageous conglomeration of words, let me give you three examples:

You may recall that I mentioned in my post about the Eclipse Season we’re right now in the thick of experiencing, that this particular configuration has not occurred since 2001-ish. And I mentioned that this is a time of major, dramatic change for many people.

It’s often instructive to go back in our memories and look for ourselves to see what, if anything, we were experiencing when a major aspect is heading toward us in the present. Well, that can sound great, but I don’t know about you, but quite honestly, I have a hard time remembering much of anything with specificity from last month, much less 18 years ago.

Cue the Fanfare For Keeping a Journal

Because I keep one, I was able to go back and recall my greatest concerns and challenges of that time. It’s a little wild to recall that I published my book; was by my father’s side when he passed away; and took a new job in a brand new field (development) while uncovering my ‘inner activist,’ whom I’m astonished had kept herself hidden even from me for basically the first 40 years of my life. Not to mention, this was all leading up to my trip to Tuva (Siberia) in ’03 which completely changed the course of my life.

I guarantee, I would not have realized and ‘put together’ all of those life events as having taken place in such a short span of time if I could not read it in black and white. (OK, in my case, it’s written in blue, black, and purple, predominantly, but you get my point.)

Second Situation

The second situation that occurred recently was a question someone asked me about a session they had with me 13 years ago. As anyone whose had a session with me in the past, oh, 11 or 12 years knows, I write a comprehensive ‘follow-up’ email to every client, usually the day after our session. These often take me at least two hours to write up precisely because they are so detailed. Interestingly, I often end up going into a ‘zone’ while I write my follow-ups that sometimes yields additional information or helps me remember even more detail than I might have said out loud the day before, in the session.

The Value of Follow-Ups

But when I first began offering sessions 15 years ago, I did not know enough to offer a written follow-up. I had no idea how valuable keeping track of all of the details I would glean in a session could be to a client. It was only through realizing for myself just how much information I was conveying did I conclude that, if it were me, I’d love a comprehensive record to look back upon of the salient aspects of what took place in my session.

Thus, when my client contacted me and asked what I could remember of a situation that took place back in 2006 (actually, we weren’t even sure at first when the session happened, so fuzzy were our memories) my initial thought was to check my emails. There was no follow up written to her. There were, though, a few emails that referenced the session, which actually enabled us to figure out the exactdate of our work together.

Given that this was still early in my ‘career’ as a shamanic practitioner, I realized I might have written about the experience in my journal, for each and every session was a really big deal to me. (Not that they aren’t now, too – believe me. It’s just that I am more disciplined now with the follow-ups.)

Chock full of life’s details – Photo: L. Weikel

Once Again, Cue the Fanfare For Keeping a Journal.

Yes. Pictured with this post is my journal from October 3, 2005 – May 28, 2006. As you can see, it’s chock full of all sorts of stuff, not least being an amazing amount of detail from the session my client was seeking information about. As a result? I was able to write a startlingly comprehensive follow-up report to my client 13 years after the fact. Needless to say, we were both delighted.

Finally, on a perhaps lesser monumental but nevertheless impressive scale, just today I was able to reference back four months and give someone specific details I’d recorded about a message from Spirit that had come from a most unexpected source. Even more astonishing was the fact that the person I was speaking with today had received a dream the very next night, which directly correlated with the information I’d been given by Spirit.

I Will Aways, Always Cue the Fanfare For Keeping a Journal

I cannot emphasize enough the value of keeping track of the details of our lives. It is because I keep such detailed journals that I am able to write my books. But even beyond that, it’s because I track the details of the amazing occurrences that happen in my life that I’m able to see the connections; I’m able to appreciate the magic Spirit brings into my life – and how it happens on an astonishingly frequent basis.

So many ‘synchronicities’ are happening all around us, all the time. But we need to pay attention and keep track if we’re going to ‘get the message’ – and do something with it.

(T-870)

Beauty Up Close – Day 223

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Lawn From Afar – Photo: L. Weikel

Beauty Up Close

The first task on our agenda today was to mow the lawn. So many days this week were hot and muggy, when you added to that mix a day or two where more rain than usually falls in an entire month fell within a couple hours, you had the perfect recipe for some major growth.

I sat on our porch looking out upon the lawn in front of the barn. (We’re lucky enough to have both a ‘front’ lawn and what we euphemistically call ‘the back 40’ – a patch of grass and weeds, trees, bushes, and an overgrown something-or-other Karl used to call a garden – behind the barn.) The lawn looked different this week. A new patch of something was growing out there and I’m not sure why it apparently proliferated over the past two weeks, but it definitely had overtaken the green grass.

Lots of White, Much Less Green

Walking down to the barn to fetch the mower, I noticed that the sea of white heads in the grass were patches of what I believe is clover. I had to laugh; we are definitely into ‘au naturel’ lawns. Ours would never be acceptable to those who demand a thick, monotonous carpet of green.

Ours is anything but that. In fact, we often have a variety of plants, often referred to as weeds, having starring roles in our lawn productions. Dandelions, wild violets, crab grass, and these teeny, tiny little wild strawberries. And now, apparently, a major crop of clover.

As I was mowing, I started paying attention to what I was mowing through and cutting down to a trim and uniform size. I couldn’t help noticing that, the closer I looked and the more detail I allowed myself to notice, the more honest beauty revealed itself to me.

For instance, the top photo in this post is a shot of my lawn, as I was mowing it, ‘from afar.’

Lawn a Little Closer – Photo: L. Weikel

The second photo, just above, is simply paying closer attention and zooming in a bit more.

But the most beautiful photo is the one below. How easily (and routinely) do we ignore the rich, vibrant colors and many exquisite details in the tiny flowers that I had categorically dismissed as ‘stuff to mow’ only minutes earlier.

The miniature-like quality and detail to these ‘lawn weeds’ is profound. I’m so glad they asked to have their photos taken!

Next Chance You Get, Take a Deeper Look

Next time you have a chance to walk on your lawn, or beside the road, or sit beside a creek or just ‘be’ anywhere, I encourage you to stop and just take a deeper look. Really focus on the details of what’s sharing space right there with you. I guarantee you will be filled with wonder.

And right now, it feels especially important for all of us to seek out and appreciate the tiniest offerings of color, beauty, and goodness we can find.

Beauty Up Close – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-888)

Meet You in the Dreamtime – Day 180

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Gathering of Dream Clouds – Photo: L. Weikel

Meet You in the Dreamtime          

I have to get my post written quickly tonight; I have a date.

The stage has been set; our minds, bodies, and spirits have been clarified. It’s as if we’ve had our inner sparkplugs cleaned and sanded. The preparation itself was magic. Alchemical.

I’ll admit it: It’s tough sometimes to keep my hands on the keys of my laptop, especially when my eyes close and I forget where I am. When I suddenly find myself following a string of thought – or is it experience? – taking me somewhere unexpected yet utterly real.

An Intention Has Been Set

Tonight, though, it’s entirely different. An intention has been set. Our group will reconvene in just a few short hours. And as gorgeous as the moon is tonight, playing hide and seek with the clouds, not one of us will need to don a jacket or throw on shoes.

But we’ll need to heighten our awareness. Make sure we’re paying attention.

Whose dream is this, anyway?

Will we ever know for sure?

Looking Up – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-931)

Found Magic – Day 152

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Found Magic: Faerie House – Photo: L.Weikel

Found Magic

Karl left for appointments at the crack of dawn this morning, so we didn’t get a chance to have our coffee together and pick cards the way we usually do. Nevertheless, he did text me later in the morning to let me know what he’d chosen on his day.

Meanwhile, I knew it was supposed to rain later in the day, so I made a point of getting out earlier than I usually do to take a walk. Before I left, I chose a Medicine Card® for my day: I chose Raven with Mouse underneath.

Raven/Mouse

As I’ve had occasion to discuss a few times already, (here, here, and here) Raven is associated with the concept of Magic. I capitalize the ‘M’ in Magic in this context because it is different than your normal, hokus pokus, pull a rabbit out of a hat type of magic. It’s way bigger than that. Or sometimes much smaller.

I’ve had some pretty cool experiences this week, which, again, I’m digesting and contemplating how and when to share with all of you. It’s not that I’m hoarding my experiences. At least that’s not my intention. Rather, I’m holding them close to the vest, so to speak, until I’ve integrated them, making an effort not to dilute them by sharing them too quickly and thus not appreciating their ‘Magic.’

So when I got this combo of Raven/Mouse today, I thought it might be an indication that it’s time for me to start sharing some of the experiences I’ve had over the past several weeks.

Alas, that’s not how it’s playing out.

Not What I Expected

For when I was walking today, I came upon a setting that screamed, “MAGIC!” to me. So much so, in fact, that I had to stop and take a photo with my iPhone to share with you.

Take a look at the photo that’s accompanying this post and tell me I did not stumble upon some Magic right in the middle of regular life. This faerie house is completely and totally natural. It’s growing out of the bark on a tree that’s just growing tall beside the road.

And part of the Magic, in my mind at least, is that I actually saw it. Out of all the myriad sights and sounds and odors, from screeching hawks to trucks with confederate flags in their back window to cigarette butts, the occasional fast food container and a beer bottle or two, and a Boston Terrier named Spartacus excitedly marking his territory on all sorts of new logs and piles of leaves – I noticed this exquisite piece of faerie real estate.

It felt like a gift. Just look at the detail, the colors, the exquisite natural beauty.

Stuff I Didn’t Get Done vs. Magic

There were tasks I had set for myself to accomplish today that I did not manage to complete. And a couple of times, I started in on lamenting that I’d walked instead of doing those things first. But then I was reminded of two other amazing discoveries I’d made this week – both on Wednesday – and both of which I would have completely missed had I not walked precisely when I did that day. Not only were they amazing discoveries in and of themselves, but the township literally scraped the dirt road upon which I’d found both of them the very next day. So my timing had been perfect.

And that’s how I felt about my discovery of the faerie house earlier today. It was all about timing and paying attention (Mouse) and being open to the myriad little things in life that bring us joy and arouse our awareness of the Magic that surrounds all of us if we open our hearts and eyes and ears.

And if we simply give ourselves the chance to just be.

(T-959)

Good Grief! – Day 102

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Good Grief!               

Things are getting a little intense. To be accurate, they’ve been getting more and more intense for weeks, but good grief!

Just to recap, I’ve been having issues with Good Girl, my wonderful Prius with whom I do not want to part. A lot of my resistance has to do with my slightly competitive nature. Not that I’m competing with anyone outside of myself. Rather, I’m motivated to see just how many miles I can get out of her.

Karl and I pride ourselves on taking good care of our vehicles. We’ve managed to get hundreds of thousands of miles out of every car we’ve owned. Except for that company car he had early on in our marriage…not sure how many times (if any) we got the oil changed in that puppy. And it ended up “throwing a rod,” which turned out to be worse than throwing a fit.

That was a lesson we took to heart. Ever since then, we’ve been religious (there’s an ironic term coming from me, eh?) about changing the oil in our cars and keeping them otherwise well-maintained. And it’s paid off handsomely.

Good Girl

This one, though…Good Girl. She’s gone the farthest of all of our vehicles, and I want to stretch her record out as long as possible.

That said, she’s sort of been falling apart and behaving somewhat haphazardly. Mirroring in some ways, at least you could argue, my own frustrations of late.

Others might scoff at how I entertain the possibility that experiences with my automobile could somehow be indicative of a message applicable to me and my life. But that’s how I roll. I do my best to pay attention to what goes on around me. Notice the details. Remain open to possibilities. And listen to the messages.

So when I let you guys in on my ‘ripping the ass off’ my car the other day (“ripping her a new one?” Karl suggested), I realized as I was writing about it that I was using a specific word to describe what had happened that was consistent with another event that had occurred only a week earlier.

Even the Loaner Failed to Escape Unscathed

The evening before my two day CLE seminar in Philadelphia, I ran out to the grocery store for some frozen spinach. I parked the car my mechanic had generously allowed me to use while he and his men tried to figure out what was wrong with Good Girl. I went to hop out – and the lever that opens the car door on the inside snapped off in my fingers. I just sat there for a moment, stunned. I stared at the hunk of baby poop brown plastic in my hand. Good grief, I thought. I cannot believe this. I’ve succeeded in breaking the loaner car.

Not thinking clearly, I crawled over to the passenger’s side to exit the vehicle. Snagged my spinach. Returned home.

I’d texted Karl in the store and he greeted me in the driveway, helpfully suggesting that I could roll down the window, reach out, and open the door that way. Yep, better than crawling across the console.

What’s the Message, Kenneth?*

I didn’t write about that situation in a post – even though I did get the metaphor of snapping, and it did feel significant – because I found other, debatably more interesting, things to write about.

But as I wrote about all  the plastic and all the metal connections snapping on the back end of my Prius the other day, I have to admit, I was not feeling all that cavalier about the potential message I was receiving. I have been under a lot of stress for a fairly extended period of time. So has Karl. Was I somehow unconsciously transferring pent up frustrations, anxieties, or other energies into the objects around me causing them to snap? Were they warning me that I’d better pay attention? Perhaps be extra careful with myself, my health, my attitude?

Yikes.

So I laughingly shared the story with you, but didn’t delve too deeply into the possible implications other than to breezily remark about the potential metaphoric application to my life.

Et Tu, Printers?

Cue another weird experience I’ve been having with our printers. We have two, one of which is a great but ancient color laser printer from my law practice days, an undeniable workhorse, and the other a more recent vintage black and white laser printer/copier/scanner. Earlier this week, Monday I believe, the black and white simply stopped working for me. No error messages come up. It appears to accept the print command. Yet  nothing comes out of the machine. It works fine for Karl and his laptop. It even prints from his stupid phone.

Fine, I thought. I’m not going to get bent out of shape over this. It’s just another odd glitch. I’ll use the color laser printer. So I did. It’s been fine.

Karl needed to print some stuff out in color for a presentation. He got most of it to print, but a couple times the paper got jammed. Not a problem. This morning, he was printing out one last thing before leaving. It jammed again. I corrected the problem and thought it had all cleared. I closed the machine and it started whirring, as it normally does when it needs to bring itself back up to speed.

It continued whirring. And whirring. And freaking whirring. I was standing there, getting really annoyed as I waited to see if it was going to spit out any additional pages for Karl, because what was with the freaking whirring?

Suddenly, it stopped. Its lights were blinking. I walked over, irritated, and looked at the message on the printer. Believe me, I felt a chill. I think I need to pay some serious attention.

Good Grief!

(T-1009)  *A reference to a bizarre incident involving Dan Rather that only those of us of a certain age will get.

Sometimes It’s Not Obvious – Day Seventy Five

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boyslife.org

Sometimes It’s Not Obvious          

Even though I haven’t talked about it in quite a while, Karl and I continue to pick Medicine Cards each morning. And even though we’ve been consistently picking them every morning for the past, oh, twenty five years or so…sometimes it’s not obvious what Spirit’s trying to say through them.

For instance, I’ve had Bat in some configuration of my cards for the past four days in a row. And that damn Beaver’s shown up with it half the time. (You may recall Beaver was underneath my Prairie Dog on January 1st, setting the agenda for the year.)

Bat, Bat, and More Bat

So, yeah. On Tuesday I picked Bat/Beaver. Wednesday, Beaver reversed/Bat. (How’s that for weird, when you remember Karl shuffled and chose his cards between my two picks). Thursday I chose Fox reversed/Bat. And today I chose Bat/Eagle.

To be honest, I’m a little frustrated. Bat is one of my favorites. I love when it shows up in my cards. Not only do I love bats in the wild, but I also love what Bat represents archetypally, which is rebirth. And of course, in order to bring about rebirth, there has to be death.

Birth/Death/Rebirth

Bat is all about the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.

On the one hand, that’s a tad scary. It’s a cycle of rather cataclysmic experiences, when you think about it. Giving birth is no walk in the park, although I can honestly only consciously reflect upon what it feels like to give birth. Not be born. And even if the cycle doesn’t pertain directly to our physical bodies, there is a finality to death that can be unsettling, at the very least.

And sure, there’s always rebirth. But will any remnant of that which died be recognizable in that which is reborn? Who knows.

Truth be told, I like to look at Bat as an opportunity to start anew. Yeah, something has to die. But I’d prefer to think I’m being asked to give up a way of being that no longer serves me (or maybe never did, and I’m only figuring that out now).

“Symbolic Death to the Old Ways of Life and Personal Identity”

“Bat embraces shamanistic death. The ritual death of the healer is steeped in secrets and highly involved initiation rites. Shaman death is the symbolic death of the initiate to the old ways of life and personal identity. (…)”

I love the idea of initiation, because for me it speaks of the sacred and signifies beginning – a fresh start – the act of setting foot on a new path of exploration and growth. I love the mysterious challenge inherent in the prospect of learning something unique and (hopefully) heretofore obscure, for when the word initiation is used, it always calls to mind, for me at least, something esoteric.

For the life of me, though, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be relinquishing.

Another paragraph that leaps off the page when I read Bat is:

“If Bat has appeared in your cards today, it symbolizes the need for a ritualistic death of some way of life that no longer suits your new growth pattern. This can mean a time of letting go of old habits, and of assuming the position in life that prepares you for rebirth, or in some cases initiation. In every case, Bat signals rebirth of some part of yourself or the death of old patterns. If you resist your destiny, it can be a long, drawn out, or painful death. The universe is always asking you to grow and become your future. To do so you must die the shaman’s death.”

I’ll be honest: I do not want to be so obtuse that I force myself into a long, drawn out, or painful death. And I am willing to embrace, and am even a bit excited at the prospect of, growing and becoming my future.

I sincerely yearn to ‘get the message.’ And I would much rather figure it out and consciously  let go than dither around bullshitting myself. So that’s what I’ll be contemplating this weekend.

Sometimes it’s not obvious.

Or maybe it is, and I just have to open my eyes (and my ears) and pay attention.

I’ll keep you posted; (wink). Pun intended.

(T-1036)

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