patience

Need Some Distraction – ND #99

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Rawhide Offering – Photo: L. Weikel

Need Some Distraction

I do believe the four legged creatures with whom I share my life are realizing that I (and perhaps you) need some distraction from the world at large. To that end, we can all give Brutus and Pacha – and the ever-suffering Tigger – our sincere appreciation.

Who knows what I was going to write about tonight. It’s a mystery. If I did have an idea, it flew out the window when, the moment I sat down and opened my laptop, Brutus jumped up and accosted Tigger, who was snoozing on the back of the couch.

“Tigger? Do you like it?” – Photo: L. Weikel

Don’t get me wrong. It was not an aggressive assault, but rather an enthusiastic one. One that could only be perpetrated by a puppy who’s loved and abided patiently by the elders in the household. Especially Tigger.

When I realized what was being played out before my wondering eyes, I tried my best to capture the saga with my iPhone. The problem with that is the sad fact that these puppies have grown up with an iPhone in my hand, and I swear they stop what they’re doing as soon as they see it. Or they look the other way. Or they move from the adorable position I’ve found them in and immediately pretend to be doing something else.

They’re devil dogs!

 

Brutus: Play With Me!

Over the past week or so, Brutus has become adamant about wanting – no, needing – to play in the evening when Karl and I are both in the process of folding our tents. There have been a few times recently when he has hopped on the couch and presented a squeaky toy literally in my face when I’ve dozed off watching a program. It’s a new phase that I hope he grows out of quickly.

I’m selfishly relieved, however, to see that he’s extending his gambit of frivolity to the feline kingdom as well. How he manages not to get scratched silly, I can only chalk up to remarkable fortitude and patience on Tigger’s part.

Tonight’s effort was a spontaneous sharing of the braided rawhide chew toy I gave to the pups this morning in order to distract them from demolishing a pair of Karl’s reading glasses. He hopped onto the couch and dumped it on Tigger’s back.

Tigger ignored him. What braided rawhide?

Pacha coyly flirted with him from the seat of the couch. “I like the look of that braid, Tigger,” she growled softly. Tigger didn’t bite. Instead, he gave Pacha a baleful glance and returned to the dreamtime.

“Give me strength.” – Photo: L. Weikel

 

Brutus brought yet another offering – this time one of their favorite squeaky toys.

Tigger feigned sleep.

“Need some distraction? How ’bout this one? I LOVE this one!” Photo: L. Weikel

Undaunted, Brutus brought yet another chew toy from across the room and dropped it on Tigger’s side. Nothing.

I wondered how long this was going to last and thought Brutus might start burying Tigger with his and his sister’s vast collection of squeakers and chew toys. But no. Moments later, he became bored and – as puppies and toddlers are wont to do – pretty much dropped in his tracks and fell asleep.

And that’s what I intend to do as well.

(T+99)

Consecration – Day 1091

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Photo: L. Weikel

Consecration

Consecrate: verb (used with object) 1. to make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicate to the service of a deity. 2. to make (something) an object of honor or veneration; hallow. 3. to devote or dedicate to some purpose. (Dictionary.com)

As you may recall from last night’s post, while I chose the Ace of Air as my primary card, the 10 of Water was clearly a player in delivering the message. Considering that I was posing the question of “What’s next?” in the context of the impending conclusion of my 1111 Devotion and the sacred intention with which I began this process almost three years ago, I was surprised by the keyword of the 10 of Water: consecration.

Whether I ‘get’ the crux of that message tonight or in two weeks – or maybe even two years from now – what I find amazing is that the cards seem to realize the essence of my query.

The cards know that, fundamentally, this is all about making the ordinary sacred. It’s all about lighting upon an act that I might consecrate in memory of my Karl. Choosing to engage in an action which might ordinarily be viewed as routine and making it holy; making it sacred and meaningful in a way that transcends ordinary day-to-day consciousness. This is my quest.

Underneath My Ace

As I described in yesterday’s post, a few pretty salient details jumped out at me as I contemplated the illustration of the 10 of Water as depicted by the illustrator of the Witches’ Wisdom Tarot*, Danielle Barlow. There were a number of powerful symbols that had personal meaning to me and the pursuit of my spiritual path.

But again, sometimes the magic of perceiving a message being sent to us by Spirit, or even ‘just’ our own subconscious, or Higher Self, or soul is enhanced by considering all the opportunities provided us to ‘get the message.’ And that includes not only relying heavily – and primarily – on our own intuition and insight, but also availing ourselves of the nuances that lurk in the words or symbols proffered by others. For instance, the particular words and phrases used by the creator of the deck or other oracle we might be using.

10 of Water – The Witches’ Wisdom Tarot by Phyllis Curott, Illustrated by Danielle Barlow

My next step, therefore, was to consider and pay acute attention to these words:

“10 of Water – Consecration

Wisdom – Verdant, humid, and embracing, the rainforest grows. Tree and Vine, Butterfly and bright-beaked Toucan, tiny Tree Frog and fearsome, holy Jaguar peer through the leaves. Rain pours from above, pools on the ground below, seeps deep into the Earth, and rises to make everything grow. The rain is full of music – songs telling stories of this magical place that makes the world better for all of Life. The rainforest is wild and full of wonder, danger and divinity, chaos and perfection. There is Life and there is death, but there is no evil. It’s raining and everything is blessed.

Essence – Wonderment, flourishing, blessings. The rewards of feeling fully. Water of Life.

Counsel – What is the song your heart is secretly singing? What is the divine magic hiding within you? There’s no reason for self-doubts or fear. Step outside your comfort zone and into the magic of Creation. No matter how turbulent the Waters of Life may be, how hard the rain, muddy the river, or unknown the rainforest, remember, you’re made of Water, and Water makes all things grow and flourish.

Magic – Go out in the rain. Listen. What’s it saying to you? Reach out your arms and feel the Water on your skin. Stick out your tongue and drink it in. Wash your face with it. Let it bless you. Feel your heart open to all that is manifesting…”

My Interpretation

The word ‘listen’ comes up and is prominent in both cards. Abundance surrounds the question I’ve asked. Perhaps that means there are (or will be) an abundance of choices on what is the best next action for me to consecrate to my cherished son.

Again, I feel ‘patience’ is also a watchword that needs to be heeded. Yes, Spirit understands my desire to know ‘what’s next.’ But for now, my focus needs to remain on the 1111 Devotion. I must dedicate myself to successfully concluding my first Act of Power with impeccability. ‘What’s next,’ if anything, will reveal itself in perfect timing.

I will listen. And perhaps, if the stars line up just right, I’ll even open my mouth.

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(T-20)

Ace of Air – Day 1089

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Tonight’s Sunset – Photo: L. Weikel

Ace of Air

I can’t say as I’ve gained much, if any, additional clarity on ‘what’s next’ on my devotional agenda since last night’s selection of the Ace of Air. But when I read the card’s interpretation written by the deck’s creator, I have to smile. While I can’t quite put my finger on it, I feel like my question (“What’s next?”) has been heard and I’ll receive an answer all in good time. As with so many things in life, patience seems to demand its place in the grand scheme of my unfolding.

The keyword (perhaps ‘key phrase’ is more appropriate) for the Ace of Air in the Witches’ Wisdom Tarot* deck is Wind Harp. The addition of the word wind to the concept of the harp alone does add an element of letting sound be carried out across the ethers. Relevant? Perhaps.

Ace of Air – Witches’ Wisdom Tarot* by Phyllis Curott

The rest of the lovely, lyrical interpretation of the card by its author (Phyllis Curott) is as follows:

Ace of Air – Wind Harp

“Wisdom – Air, the first vibration from which everything proceeds into manifestation, the element awakening us to the consciousness of Creation, to infinite connection. Between the bones of what was first created, the winds of summoning stir the strings woven by spiders and filled with stars. A deafening noise roars through, a cosmic chord of sounds piled one upon the other. Together, they are almost music. The swish of a breeze and rustle of leaves, the melody of birdsong and howl of a storm, and all the sounds in between… This is the magic of the Wind Harp. It’s Love.

Essence – Listen, awareness, divine Love. Say what’s in your heart.

Counsel – Air is the element of consciousness, intelligence and intuition, reflection and communication, laughter and music, infinite connection and love. But silence comes first. If you’re talking, you cannot listen. The mind is always confronted with choices, and so it chatters. But don’t rush to action. Slow down. The answer you’re seeking is waiting for you to hear it.

Magic – Go outside on a windy day. Feel the Air on your skin, messing up your hair, singing in your ear. What do you hear? Listen to the love songs the wind sings to you. What is the enchantment of the moment? What is the song in your heart? The spell you long to chant? Give it voice and let the wind carry it into Creation.”

Underneath It All

There is some confirmation in this card, both in what I simply ‘saw’ in the symbolism (and wrote out last night) and the much more poetic expression as offered by the author, for at least one seed I’m quietly nurturing.

And as those of you who’ve watched how I work with cards know, I always like to look at the card that’s ‘underneath’ the one I select as the main card. Unsurprisingly, the one underneath my Ace of Air does have a related ‘feel’ to it. I’ll share that tomorrow.

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(T-22)

Tigger’s Protest – Day 1077

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Chill Til – Photo: L. Weikel

 Tigger’s Protest

One unexpected consequence of the arrival of Pacha and Brutus has been Tigger’s protest and the manner in which it manifests. While Cletus has been brutally frank in his intolerance of these interlopers, there’s actually been a form of détente reached. It’s rather astonishing to see Cletus greet the pups with a playful, “Mrrrrow” when he sees them on the porch – and even deign to a dance of mutual nose-and-butt sniffing.

Of course, the sniffing is always fraught with the potential for escalation. The seemingly innocuous (and almost deceptively friendly) greeting can devolve into a fracas at the slightest whiff of the lack of proper deference being offered on the part of the puppies. Cletus demands deference.

The weird thing is, Cletus slashed at both of them the first couple of days, especially when they played or even just existed anywhere near his food. And when I say slashed, I mean it. He drew a few fine scratches on both of them. This makes his acceptance of them now all the more puzzling.

Dreaming Brutie – Photo: L. Weikel

Back to Tigger

Tigger, on the other hand, has been the epitome of patience. They tackle him and act all fierce, wriggling their butts in the air and barking little yips at their erstwhile big brother. They practice ferocity on Tigger. And as they grow bigger and bigger, and obviously feel more and more comfortable in their new home, their bullying only grows worse.

But beyond the bullying is the distraction they provide. Tigger has recently taken to slyly slipping out the kitchen door when we’re herding the puppies in or out. While he has always been permitted to come outside and sit around with us, especially taking up a watchful position beside me on the glider, he also knows he is not supposed to go off the porch.

While we’re obviously paying more attention to the little ones, Tigger is leaping off the back of the porch and stalking prey in the bamboo between us and the neighbor. Worse, however, is that just today I discovered two completely swollen ticks stuck to his neck. Ugh. I loathe them.

So for his trouble (or lack thereof), he’s getting eaten alive by blood sucking parasites and bullied by a pair of 12 week old puppies.

Hmm. That stinks.

Still Pretty Small – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-34)

Praying Mantises – Day 1035

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Praying Mantis’s Face – Photo: L. Weikel

Praying Mantises

It’s that time of year again: the magical days of September when the sky can’t possibly become bluer and the sweet scent of fall flirts with our senses. It’s also the time when Praying Mantises migrate across our local country roads from field to forest. I don’t know why they choose not to fly. I don’t know why they seem to luxuriate in the warmth of the black macadam of the roadway. But this annual trek from one side of the road to another doesn’t seem to be evolutionarily a wise trajectory.

I’ve written about Praying Mantises each and every September since beginning this 1111 Devotion in November of 2018. They were Sheila’s favorite autumn snack. While I miss her terribly, it’s amusing to think back on how much she relished these creatures. This time of year, which was also her birth month, yielded perfect temperatures and crunchy green snacks.

It’s curious how Spartacus (her son) had no taste for them for years. Or perhaps he didn’t want to get between his mother and her snacks. That’s a possibility… This year, though, he’s been eating them with gusto, channeling his inner Sheila.

Photo: L. Weikel

Don’t Mess With the Live Ones

He has learned through direct experience that the only tasty Praying Mantis is a dead Praying Mantis. He mistakenly approached a live one the other day and clearly encountered an unequivocal, “Hell no!” He must’ve jumped a foot off the ground in surprise and there may even have been a surprised, “Yip!” in the mix. Since then, he has approached all potential green roadkill with a more circumspect attitude.

The photos I’m including tonight are of one that seemed extremely aware of our presence but was not inclined to move off the road. It watched me take its photo, which was a tad eerie.

“You talking to me?” Photo: L. Weikel

Stillness

Today these insects were crossing the road in droves. The lore surrounding them often focuses on their deliberative movements and opportunistic hunting qualities. (They’ve been known to wait patiently on feeders to kill hummingbirds.) They’re renowned for their patience and stillness.

I think I’m going to practice more of that tomorrow. Stillness feels like the message I need to hear.

Praying Mantis encounter – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-76)

Tree Peony Festival – Day 921

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Practically Luminous Tree Peony – Photo: L. Weikel

Tree Peony Festival

As you know from my posts over the past several days, last weekend we visited Linwood Gardens, in western New York, for their Tree Peony Festival. We were especially keen to visit because we knew first-hand how beautiful the estate was back when Sarah and Sage were married there. As beautiful as it was that month, everyone who was familiar with ‘the Farm’ told us again and again that the place becomes even more exquisite when the tree peonies bloom.

The caretakers of the premises do their best to have the Gardens open to the public when the peonies are peaking. It sounds like this year was particularly challenging with the fluctuations in temperature. They kept having to shift around the weekends they were open because it would appear as though the peonies were on track to ‘pop’ a certain couple of weekends only to have a cold snap hit, significantly slowing down their final approach to launch.

Given the state of the gardens last weekend, I can only imagine how spectacular a treat visitors will be in for this weekend. While there were more than enough plants, including peonies, blooming last Saturday – there remained at least quadruple that number waiting in the wings for just enough more warm days to fully fledge into a bloom extravaganza.

The colors of these tree peonies were ethereal – Photo: L. Weikel

Ants and Peonies

I’ve always loved these flowers (and been fascinated by the big ants that swarm the buds on our version – which are not ‘tree’ peonies). There was some debate over whether ants hang out with tree peonies as much as the shrub version, but it turns out ants are equal-opportunity nectar lovers. Supposedly. But it sure seemed like they found the shrub version tastier.

I learned last weekend that my belief/assumption that the ants were somehow essential to the pollination of peonies was erroneous. Actually, the love affair between ants and peonies are an example of biological mutualism. And while the ants may not be essential to the pollination process per se, they can be considered the peonies’ protectors. They’ll take out other bugs that come sniffing around their peonies (bugs that would harm the flowers) and ask questions later – if ever. Wink wink. Survival of the fittest.

Given that Ant is often associated with the strategy of patience, maybe those who love peonies are cultivating their ability to exercise this virtue when they need it most. Certainly those who exercised patience this year and scheduled their visit to the Gardens later than they might have otherwise were (and will be) amply rewarded.

If you doubt that, just look at these photos and remember, it still felt just a few days ‘early’ when we were there.

Some of these blooms were simply breathtaking.

Not sure if a tree peony but captivating nonetheless – Photo: L. Weikel

 

(T-190)

What Day Is It – Day 522

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Tigger, annoyed by my question – Photo: L. Weikel

What Day Is It

I know I’m not alone. I know I’m not the only one who asks, “What day is it?” to whomever is nearest me – usually Spartacus or Tigger, but occasionally Karl – far more often than I should.

Sheila has two paws into the next world lately, so she’s definitely not a reliable source to ask. She usually just looks up at me with her rheumy eyes and says, “Seriously? Don’t ask me that. If you’re not going to open a can of food, just cover me with a blanket and let me go back to sleep.”

Fair enough. I can relate.

A New Rhythm

I’m finding it frustrating that I’ve yet to establish a new rhythm for myself.

If you had told me a month ago that the one reliable part of my day would be listening to Governor Cuomo’s daily briefing, I guarantee I would’ve scoffed. He’s not even governor of my state, for heaven’s sake.

But that’s my truth. Listening to him give us the facts, lead with logic, and support all of us (not just New Yorkers) with compassion and heart, has been a reliable centering post for me. I happen to be one of those people who believe that government can be, and is, when properly staffed and maintained, a force for good. So it’s a comfort to me to listen to him respect his constituents enough to tell them the truth– and then expect them to handle it.

As I go about trying to find my new rhythm I’m realizing that, at least lately, I’ve been having more trouble concentrating. Intellectually, I know this is probably a natural consequence of dealing with the stress of all the unknowns that have suddenly become part of our lives. But it feels a little lame.

A Bracing Slap

I don’t need to tell you guys how important walking is to my quality of life. If nothing else, my walks more often than not yield the photos around which I write many of my posts – which is reason enough to get me out the door.

Well, today’s walk was a startling experience. Just as we were heading out the door, my phone bleeped an alert that cautioned we should expect rain to begin in 20 minutes. It was tempting. Should we stay or should we go? We decided to initially ‘just do a stop sign,’ which effectively ruled out our longer four mile trek, but hey – it got us out of the house.

Imagine our surprise when it started snowing little spitballs at us as we rounded our first corner. Brrr! The entire walk ended up feeling like a bracing slap by Mother Earth – telling us to buck up and snap out of our somnambulism. At least, that’s what I felt like I was being told. I guess I shouldn’t speak for Karl.

Ultimately, I think it will serve me best to stop asking, “What day is it?” and just get on with living whatever damn day it is. If it takes a couple more days or weeks or whatever to fully acclimate to the transformation that’s taking place across the globe and within our lives, so be it. There is a balance to all of this if we just give ourselves the chance to find it.

Again, that’s where that patience and acceptance comes in. It’s not a lesson to be glibly ‘learned’ one day and forgotten the next. No. I’m pretty sure that’s part of that new rhythm I seek.

Oh – and you’re probably reading this on Friday. (wink)

“Really? Open a can of food and we’ll talk” – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-589)

Patience and Acceptance – Day 521

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments
Sunset 15 April 2020 – Photo: L. Weikel

Patience and Acceptance

I’m feeling quiet this evening. Seeking patience and acceptance.

While I’m lucky enough to say that, as of this writing, I’ve only had one friend test positive for Covid-19 so far, I am witnessing a troubling number of older people close to friends and family passing away.

While I’m virtually certain these deaths are not related to the virus directly, I can’t imagine there’s not some undercurrent of a feeling that it’s ‘time to go’ influencing people at this time. It just feels like there are a lot of people choosing to let go. And it’s not as if they have a death wish. That’s not at all what I’m saying nor what I want to imply.

In fact, quite the contrary.

Understandable

At any given moment, our souls can see what’s going on in the world. Our souls know and are cognizant of far more than our ego-selves are conscious of processing and simply ‘knowing’ on a daily basis. Our souls are watching. And listening. And on a profound level, our souls ultimately decide whether we’ve accomplished enough of the tasks we set for ourselves in this lifetime to make it okay for us to go – or whether we need to remain and address a couple more things before our time here on Earth is complete.

Given everything we’re witnessing, it feels understandable. Really, really hard for those of us left to live the rest of our lives without them, but understandable from a higher perspective.

And all day today, I kept envisioning the Tree of Life and the words of the “Tradition” paragraph I included in yesterday’s post:

“The Tree of Life is the archetype of all spiritual knowledge. The trunk forms branches and the branches form leaves. Humans are like the leaves. We reach a certain ripeness, and the time comes to go into the Spirit World. Our bodies drop to the earth, like leaves of the tree.”

Ripeness. Fullest expression. Greatest color and vibrancy.

Sometimes the most beautiful leaves are the ones no longer clinging to the tree, but have let go and dropped to the Earth.

Patience and acceptance. Sometimes easier said than done. Love to those who are trying to find and live both.

(T-590)

Cha Wakan (Tree of Life) – Day 520

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Photo: L. Weikel

Cha Wakan (Tree of Life)

Following up on the idea I expressed in yesterday’s post, I approached the portion of my bookcase that holds my various oracles with an open heart and mind. This is the section that pretty much encompasses everything not tarot.

I asked what medium wanted to be used as the inaugural messenger to us, both collectively and individually. (I figured I’d set those standards high right from the outset.) I was surprised to find my eyes being drawn repeatedly to a boxed set of cards that, quite honestly, I cannot remember ever using, although I must have when I first acquired them. I’ve looked at the set many times over the years, glanced over it, more accurately – but not been drawn to work with it. At least not for many years since I purchased it.

When I removed the cards and book from their box, they looked and felt new. I checked the copyright: oh my, the copyright is 1994. It makes perfect sense to me why Karl and I must have purchased this item so long ago. We’d each undertaken a vision quest under the guidance of a metis medicine man back in 1992. I’m sure we were attracted to this set because of our affinity for the Native American ways we’d touched upon tangentially in our studies leading up to our profound initiatory experiences.

The Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards

The set that called out to me was The Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards – Spiritual Teachings of the Sioux* by Chief Archie Fire Lame Deer and Helene Sarkis.

Looking through these cards and reading the Lakota words and concepts once again stirs my heart. Life was profoundly different back in 1992. The internet was not part of the daily lives of most of us yet. Email was not common. We were still mostly communicating via snail mail and regular telephone. There’s a whole story to how we came to have had the honor of going on vision quests back then.

Anyway…

Tonight

I opened Sacred Space and sat with the cards of this deck. I shuffled and blew my intention into them – that being a request for a teaching, message, or concept for us to contemplate at this time. As we are embarking upon a whole new phase of life on Mother Earth, what should we hold in our thoughts and awareness.

I chose Cha Wakan (Tree of Life).

The first thing that stood out to me was how much this image resembles the sacred trees in Tuva (Siberia), where I traveled in 2003. But I want to just offer the image to you for your perusal. And following is what is written for this card:

Cha Wakan – Tree of Life – Acceptance

“In me, all life is One: There is no demarcation of ‘other.’ The nuances of vision may vary, yet the essential sap is nowhere separated, and is, in itself, exaltation. I am the bearer of this knowledge, this understanding, this experience of grace; however you may insist on believing you are apart from that which is in you, that which surrounds you, the law which is All will bring you to me, to union and communion.

I bless you.

Tradition

The Tree of Life is the archetype of all spiritual knowledge. The trunk forms branches and the branches form leaves. Humans are like the leaves. We reach a certain ripeness, and the time comes to go into the Spirit World. Our bodies drop to the earth, like leaves of the tree.

The Card

The Tree of Life reminds us to be patient and accepting as we travel our spiritual path. Open your heart to all your brothers and sisters and to all of creation, relinquishing your judgments and expectations (of yourself and others). Allow all our relations to be exactly who they are; accept all that you are. We are all connected, parts of great Tree of Life in its thick foliage. Although each leaf has its own individual form and life, all grow from the same source, the same roots; all sway together in the same breezes. The tree grows strong and tall, with each leaf adding its part to the beauty of the whole. We must accept that each of us is only one leaf; by itself, one leaf doe not make a tree.

Meditation

I honor the abundant diversity of Spirit and rejoice in my place within the fabric of creation.”

When I read it initially, and as I read it again as I typed it out here, into this post for all of us to share, I feel chills. Reading these words within the larger context of what we are all experiencing at this time – all over the world – I am awed by the perfection of this message. I know without doubt that my request on behalf of all of us was heard.

I leave this for you to contemplate.

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(T-591)

Raising the Roof on My Comfort Zone – Day 213

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Clouds parting and bringing clarity – Photo: L. Weikel

Raising the Roof on My Comfort Zone

As I mentioned last night, my decision to raise my rates has been a long time coming. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, by any means.

Many factors played into my decision, as you might expect.

But yesterday, as I contemplated making my announcement public by writing about it here, I felt all my worries and doubts lining up for one last swipe at my decision.

The wind yesterday was brisk and it was chilly on our porch. I picked up the deck of Medicine Cards and walked, barefoot, onto our lawn, shuffling all the while. I looked up into the sky and watched the clouds, which had blanketed the sky only moments earlier, open up to reveal brilliant azure clarity above my head. I felt myself connecting with the cool green grass beneath my feet as I opened my heart to receiving one last oomph of GUIDANCE.

As I meandered, I said out loud to anyone who would hear (but really, I was addressing Spirit), that increasing my rates was really pushing me out of my comfort zone, that I was really feeling anxious and conflicted over it.

The Wind Steps In

At that, the wind whipped in, picked a card off the deck as I shuffled the cards in my hands and swept that card face down into the birdbath, which was full of fresh, clear rain water from the storms of the night before.

Miraculously, the card landed on the surface of the water gently and without a sound. I snatched the card up, refusing to allow the card to get ruined by plunging into a birdbath, gently wiping it to ensure no permanent damage was done.

The card that Spirit had chosen ‘for’ me was Ant. The keyword for Ant is Patience. Glancing at the rest of the deck, which I continued to clutch in my left hand, I saw that Black Panther was stalking my pick, informing me on how I should interpret that “Spirit-assisted” pick. Black Panther’s keyword are ‘Embracing the Unknown.”

Wow. OK. I felt totally OK with having PATIENCE, which was interesting, because years and years ago, that was the single-word response I received when I took one of my first journeys and asked for guidance. I simply saw the word PATIENCE – in all caps – right in front of my closed eyelids. That frustrated me to no end.

Patience/Embracing the Unknown

But this time? It felt good. It felt OK. I felt that Spirit was telling me to FOLLOW THROUGH with this shift (of which raising my rates is a part) and to have patience. Yes, it may cause me to ‘lose’ potential clients that would have come to me had I left my rates where they’ve been for 15 years. But if I have patience (and accept that this IS a leap from my comfort zone – “into the VOID OF THE UNKNOWN”) things may work out in ways I cannot even fathom right now.

Yes, I must leap (Black Panther), but first and foremost, I MUST EXERCISE PATIENCE. Which means yeah, I’m probably going to encounter some backlash and some scary times. Yeah, it’s not necessarily going to be easy or a walk in the park. But it is the right thing to do.

I’ll admit that this was my first true ‘hit’ on what the Ant/Black Panther combo was telling me.

Doubt Rears Its Head

But then, of course, my freaking nemesis, doubt – that Spirit could actually, truly, be encouraging me to think bigger, dream bigger, to believe that I am here to help deliver a message, in service, that people will benefit from hearing and incorporating into their lives – kicked in.

I chastised myself: Maybe the Ant card landing in the birdbath meant, “Yeah, you need to just settle down. Don’t act in haste by raising your rates so dramatically. Settle the $#%@ down. Be patient.”

And that thought just felt awful. I felt every cell in my body droop. It deflated me and made me feel sad – as if I were letting myself down in the worst way.

Realizing how profoundly my old habits of indulging my doubt and second-guessing the message I’d intuited with such crystal clarity in those first moments made me feel utterly defeated, I chose, then and there, to honor my knowing.

I’m revealing these thoughts and the process through which I butted heads with my doubts to show that I understand how tough it can be to honor our knowing. When I ask clients to do hard things, it’s not as if I’m asking you to do anything I wouldn’t demand of my own self.

The Road Ahead – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-898)