goals

What a Number – Day 999

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Stars Through the Forest – Photo: L. Weikel

What a Number

What a number I just typed into the title line, above. Could I really be writing my last three-digit post tonight?

Numerologically speaking, this feels like an ending, even if I’ve not yet arrived at my goal of 1111 consecutive posts. Nines are completion. Three nines, no matter how you look at them, sort of hammer home the concept of completion. Beyond the simple fact of three nines comprising the number, if you add the nines, 9+9+9 = 27 and then 2+7=9. No matter which way you look at 999, it reduces to a 9, and thus it represents a wrapping up, a conclusion, an end to something.

Not My 1111 Devotion

The number 999 may signify completion of something, on some level, but it does not mean I intend to quit my Act of Power before I reach my goal. No; there remain 112 posts to write, and I intend to write them, Goddess willing.

It represents the end of three-digit posts. That’s pretty lame.

Honestly, I don’t know what – if anything – reaching this number signifies, other than I’m plugging along, doing my thing, honoring my word.

Day after day (technically night after night), I blow a quick kiss to my eldest son when I hit ‘publish’ and whisper, “I miss you so damn much. I remember you every single day. And I do this one little thing each night because I said I would. Because I love you.”

And although it’s a little thing, sometimes that’s the best I can do.

Fire Sprite Rising – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-112)

Presence – Day 778

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Rising Moon – 12/28/2020 – Photo: L. Weikel

Presence

While the moon won’t be at its fullest until tomorrow night at 10:30 p.m. ET, it was hard to ignore her presence as she rose above the tree line early this evening. My eyes were drawn to the horizon and when I caught sight of that massive orb rising in the eastern sky, I felt a direct connection between it and my heart.

Tomorrow’s full moon is 2020’s 13th full moon. It’s time to say goodbye.

It’s interesting to note how some objects and some people don’t need to say or do a thing in order to have an influence on their surroundings. Every time I look at the moon, no matter what its phase, I feel a reaction inside myself. Sometimes it’s wonder and awe. Other times it’s delight. Sometimes – not often, but occasionally – it’s a sense of foreboding.

Whatever reaction the moon has on me inevitably comes down to its presence.

This concept applies similarly to humans. It’s fascinating to witness the effect some people have on their surroundings simply by showing up and being themselves. Their mere presence has the power to shift attitudes or change minds.

Full Moon Seeing Its Future – Photo: L. Weikel

Yearning

As we walked this evening, I found it difficult to tear my eyes away from the moon. The shadows she cast were stark and profound. There was no wishy-washy doubt lingering between light and dark. Our shadows, leading us forward since the moon was peering over our shoulders, were crisp and certain. They knew where we were going.

Sensing a slight dimming of the moon’s brilliance at one point, I looked up and saw clouds flirting and taking shape around and beyond her. As I watched, it looked ever so much to me as though the clouds took the form of a waning crescent ‘ahead’ of the moon itself – indeed, a crescent with a classic ‘man-in-the-moon’ face. For the life of me, it looked like the full moon was chasing its future, which in its own way was yearning to move forward, cloud arms outstretched toward an invisible goal.

Reaching Forward – Photo: L. Weikel

Take Advantage

It feels important for us to take advantage of the next few days to contemplate what we want to lean toward this coming year. Where is our shadow leading us? What adventures do we yearn to pursue?

I’m reminded of the dance between Jupiter and Saturn. As we’re well aware, Jupiter has been pursuing Saturn, leaning toward it, and it finally managed to catch its prize one week ago today in the Grand Conjunction.

It was quite surprising then, tonight, to witness just how far Jupiter has left Saturn in its dust in the mere seven days since that conjunction.

I wonder if we’ll slingshot forward toward our dreams just like Jupiter in 2021?

Jupiter (left) whizzing past Saturn – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-334)

Procrastination – Day 231

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Lilies – Photo: L. Weikel

Procrastination        

I think there’s a really weird dynamic going on, within myself at least, when it comes to procrastination.

I’m finding it just makes me sad.

The weirdness of which I speak comes from a perception I think a lot of us have. Or at least it’s a belief I’ve had when I thought about procrastination generally. And that belief is that one procrastinates because they do not want to do something.

In other words, if a person doesn’t want to do something, they put it off. We’ve all seen the sarcastic adage, “Why do it today if you can put it off until tomorrow?” I believe most people embrace that attitude as the primary reason people procrastinate.

Is it Fear? Or is it Anticipation?

But actually? I know from my experience with lots of creative people (and myself) that many people procrastinate because they don’t feel as if they deserve  to spend time on either the pursuits that make them smile (and their hearts sing) or the tasks that will make life better for them in some way.

In my case, for instance, I procrastinate on taking action toward my goals. I procrastinate on putting my self, my dreams, my ideas at the front of the line of my daily “to-do” list.

Funny thing is, if I saw one of my clients doing what I do, I would call them out on it. I would make them choose themselves. I would methodically pick apart each and every one of their excuses for not doing what they were ‘called’ to do. I know I would. And I would persist until I persuaded them to honor themselves.

But it’s a lot harder to call myself out; and it’s harder to persist with the relentless follow through I feel is often so effective in my relationships (and practice).

I procrastinated on something today, something pretty big that I wanted to announce. And yes, something beyond my rate increase, which technically went into effect today.

Perhaps I’ll announce it tomorrow. Yes; perhaps I’ll follow through with it tomorrow. It’s time to stop these shenanigans.

(T-880)

Living in the Future – Day Fifty One

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Living in the Future

It’s hard not to get ahead of myself sometimes. When I’m pleased or feel excited, I tend to extrapolate and imagine how cool things will be “when _______ happens.” (And no, I’m not encouraging you to play Cards Against Humanity in this post. Although…that could be amusing. And you know which among you would eagerly offer a shockingly off-color suggestion for that blank.)

What I mean is, there’s a part of me that was, as my Irish sisters say, “chuffed” when I got to my 50thpost. And instead of just ‘being’ with that good feeling, I started extrapolating. “When I get to this day next year, I’ll be into the 400s! I’ll be writing my 415thpost!”

Aaarggh. I do not want to do that to myself! And yet I know it’s human nature and therefore futile to hope I won’t succumb to this temptation – and often. But it sure is tedious, always ‘moving the bar,’ so to speak, and assuming the elusive next goal will be way better and more impressive to achieve than this one. And what does it get me?

N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Nothing at all. Except it does manage to snatch my present sense of accomplishment from the jaws of a healthy, yet un-inflated, self-esteem. Always keeping myself guessing, I suppose.

But I mention this not because I remained in that mind-space. I saw where my habitual thinking wanted to take me and I snagged it, brought it back, and stomped it into unconsciousness. (Just kidding! Seeing if you were paying attention.)

No, I saw where my habitual thinking wanted to take me and I did indeed snag it. But I just rolled my eyes, laughed at myself, and hoped I’d make it to #51, while enjoying the simple pleasure of having reached the 50th. And I’m mentioning all of this because I firmly believe we all need to remember that we’re not here to be perfect!

No matter how hard we try, we’re not perfect. And we’ll never be perfect. Why? Because perfection is not only unattainable. It’s boring. And we wouldn’t learn anywhere near as much as we do living in our imperfection.

Perfection is Unattainable (and Boring)

We’re not going to find much, if any, profound and meaningful satisfaction with either ourselves or how we’re meeting our commitments by reaching some arbitrary, magical number of posts published, journal pages written, photos taken, or books read per month. The sooner we realize that, the better.

And trust me, I remember when I used to think every one else could strive for – or be satisfied by – mediocrity, but I was different. I would persist. I would do ‘it’ (whatever exacting standard I set for myself) through sheer force of will. And man, while I would not trade the level of success I generally enjoyed for my efforts, I would lighten up just a little on the jumping into the future gig. Because as cliché as it sounds, it is sheer insanity to pin all your happiness on the successful attainmentof a goal, on breaking the tape, or on writing that 1111th post.

The test of our humanity is to figure out the trick of living our lives in fullness and balance as we strive toward accomplishing that goal.

And by that I mean setting a goal (i.e., committing to writing 1111 consecutive blog posts), and finding a sense of satisfaction and healthy pride in oneself every day a post gets published. Extra credit for those days when a post has the effect of speaking to the hearts of those who read it, for those are precious.

There is something to be said for showing up. For being willing to not always be some shining example of awesomeness that you wish others would perceive you as being. But if we’re honest? The ones we’re actually trying hardest to impress are the exacting bastards that live inside of us.

They’re tamable. At least I’m determined to give you a glimpse of how I make the effort to live with them. In balance. Here’s to 2019. May we LIVE this together! In perfect imperfection!

(T-1060)