Gentleness

Lull – Day 776

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What? – Photo: L. Weikel

Lull

The week between Christmas and New Years is a classic opportunity for most of us to step back and experience the lull. Sadly, it’s a safe bet there will be exponentially more angst and uncertainty this coming week than normal.

Normal. What a quaint and impossible to define concept, especially this year. Which makes indulging the lull even more of a responsibility.

Comforting Routine

Karl and I managed to take a walk today. It was normal, for all intents and purposes. Uneventful. An attempt to re-engage with our routine.

I only took a few photos. None of them screamed, “This merits a post!” But I’ll include a couple anyway.

It felt comforting to take a walk after having missed the last three days (at least). This was quite a long stretch to go without our daily immersion in nature. I was feeling it, feeling the disconnection.

As much as walking is sacred to me, I’m curious at how easy it is to fall out of the habit. Even worse is how insidiously easy it is to then talk myself out of resuming that which keeps me grounded and balanced.

Why do I do that to myself? It’s the same with my writing. And reading for pleasure. It’s almost as if it’s a sin against nature to allow myself to stop thinking about all the things I ‘should’ be doing for a moment and just be. Just read. Just write in my journal.

Really? – Photo: L. Weikel

I Know Better

Intellectually, I know better. Of course I do! I know the value – the necessity – of taking care of our own needs and keeping ourselves nourished and nurtured. I also know how much better I feel when I walk, when I give myself an opportunity to listen to a flock of geese and feel the thrill of having a chat with a doe.

My habit of resisting what’s best for my heart and soul when I need it the most is tedious. I see it and recognize it, but I’m not going to indulge it. It’s based in an old set of beliefs that don’t work anymore, and frankly, never did.

I intend to indulge – and enjoy – the lull tomorrow. Perhaps you’ll join me and we can maybe even commit to extending the lull right up to the official conclusion of this cataclysmic year.

And there’s that gentleness showing up again, calling my name. Yours too, I bet.

Talk to the Tail – Photo: L. Weikel

 

(T-335)

Imperfections – Day 774

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Christmas Eve – Photo: L. Weikel

Imperfections

I’m sitting here listening to rain pelt against the dining room windows while a long, lonely gust of wind whistles through the keyhole of our front door. No need to worry about ‘closed building syndrome’ in this old house – and that’s just fine with me. I’m happy with the creaks and cracks of this home, the things some people might consider imperfections.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say I love the imperfections that make our house our home. Not all of them, of course. (Oh, for even a smidgen more kitchen counter space.) But overall? I honestly think it’s the imperfections that keep me sane.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in a house that was built in 1770. It was nothing like the houses of most of my friends. Our wooden floors were known to occasionally cast splinters as big as spears into my foot, piercing my socks and making me yelp (and causing my father to reach for the black gunky stuff that smelled like tar, that would supposedly ‘pull it out’ if it was embedded too deeply to dig out).

Christmas Eve 2020

I think many of us would agree that this Christmas in particular is filled with imperfections. Certainly, it’s far different than any Christmas most of us can recall. But I have to wonder. What will we remember most about this most abnormal of yuletides?

There are so many people enduring untold grief this Christmas. (And of course, I am using Christmas as a shorthand for all the holidays we may be celebrating at this time of year that celebrate the return of light, and encourages going within, hibernating, and reflection.) Nothing feels the same. And precious little is the same.

People are losing loved ones to the pandemic and other causes by the thousands – every single day. We’re being asked to sacrifice our traditions for the safety of ourselves and others. We’re wondering just how long this no-longer-fresh hell is going to last.

A Reminder

Karl and I were lucky enough to be able to spend a few hours with one of our sons and daughter-in-law. Because the weather is as unpredictable as it is, early this evening, it was balmy enough for us to safely sit outside in their enclosed porch and eat dinner together – occupying opposite ends of the long dinner table.

As we were driving home in the pouring rain that luckily mostly held off until we were leaving, the wind starting to whip around us, a couple of deer jumped out into the roadway in front of us. Luckily, I was driving slowly enough that I saw them well ahead of time. Turned out, though, that the three that popped onto the roadway before us were joining quite the cadre of peers on the other side of the road.

They were so beautiful and such an unexpected sight! I rolled down my window and took their photo, in spite of the raindrops splattering on my face. They were a lovely reminder of the gentleness we’re all wise to exercise with each other and ourselves over these holiday times.

I’m grateful we didn’t have an accident. And I loved the looks they seemed to give us as they stood there in the rain, returning our gaze. I realize this post probably makes little sense. But I wish all of you a peaceful, loving Christmas Day. May we all enjoy a day of respite from the insanity that has marked this year in particular.

And I’ll forgive myself for the vast imperfections of this post – not least being the fact that I just blew right through the witching hour of 1:00 a.m. (when it gets automatically sent out to my email list).

Merry Christmas. Happy Solstice. Let’s let the light shine into our hearts.

(T-337)

Immersed in Nature – Day 692

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Photo: L. Weikel

Immersed in Nature

I hope you had a chance to get outside today to take in the brilliance of this early October perfection. Oh my goodness, from the crisp clarity of the atmosphere to the leaves on the trees just beginning to tease of the palette to come, today was most definitely a day to spend as immersed in nature as possible.

I’ll admit, at the moment I have about four running ‘to do’ lists ebbing and flowing between my Day-Timer (yeah, I’m a pen-and-paper list maker) and my journal and even the backs of a couple of envelopes. I’ll also admit to being a tad obsessed with tracking the ongoing drama and cascade of disinformation emanating from the Administration.

In the Cards

I made an effort to listen to the Medicine Cards* I chose this morning: Deer with Grouse underneath. Deer, as I’ve mentioned in other posts, urges ‘gentleness’ as a primary message. Grouse has a lot to do with motion and encourages us to pay attention to how and why we move about in our lives.

A factor crucial to crossing off a few of the things on my lists required me to run out to an art supply store about 45 minutes away. It’s weird to me how different it feels now to pick up and go to the store. There’s an undercurrent of stress to it, which surprises me each time I encounter that tension and identify it. Traveling to places where there are a lot of people walking around has an effect on me now that I honestly never would’ve dreamt of a year ago.

After I secured a small tool that I hope will solve all my current creative issues (I’ll find out tomorrow), I noticed how edgy I was feeling. I was driving home but knew I could not go home until I made a much-needed pit stop at the Tohickon. I needed to honor the main card I’d chosen (Deer) and be gentle with myself – especially after running around doing errands and dealing with people (Grouse).

Cascade of Leaves – Photo: L. Weikel

At the Creek

I pulled up to my favorite spot, where, depending upon the depth of the creek on any given day I can walk out into the middle of the flow and sit on a boulder or I can just lower my windows and stay in the car, watching the water stream past only yards away from me. Today I chose to remain in my car and write in my journal. There’s so much going on both in the outside world and in my own inner life that giving myself permission to simply honor it all by recording it felt like a gentle indulgence.

At one point, a huge gust of wind came and swirled through the upper branches of the trees lining the Tohickon. The noise created was hard to describe – far, far more than a shushing and yet with overtones or perhaps undertones of birdsong. But then I realized, looking up into the sky that there were hundreds and possibly thousands of leaves cascading through the air. There was an entire layer of leaves that did not look like they’d come from any of the trees near me that were definitely being carried by winds aloft. I had to squint to make sure they were in fact leaves and not a flock of tiny migrating birds.

I tried to take a photo but it doesn’t even remotely capture the magic – not even when I try to zoom in so you can see the leaves a little better.

Photo: L. Weikel

Deer Again

Later, Karl and I took one of our longer walks and encountered a field full of deer. I took it as a good sign that they seemed to be completely at ease with us as we walked along the road right beside them. (Granted, the deer around here are a rather entitled lot, as was evidenced the other day when two walked into our driveway and started munching on our hostas.) But I also know they pick up on our energy and it’s not uncommon for them to bolt if our energy is too jagged for their liking.

So all in all, I feel as though – at least for this afternoon – I successfully navigated my little tributary of the treacherous waters that come with living in the midst of a pandemic, extraordinary economic strife, and an unprecedented assault on our democracy (to name a few stressors affecting all of us) and managed to find some calm.

I cannot thank the gentle spirit of Tohickon Creek and the winds aloft enough for sweeping my head and heart free.

Deer in Field 3 Oct 2020 – Photo: L. Weikel

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(T-419)

Golden Dragonfly for the Win – Day 205

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Golden Dragonfly for the Win!                             

I’m pleased to report that the golden dragonfly that appeared yesterday on my walk, and which I featured in yesterday’s post, did indeed bring some welcome magic to my dear friends’ loved one. There’s a light in someone’s eyes and a smile on someone’s face today that are most welcome indeed. (And yes, for those of you who are grammar hounds, I did in fact correctly use the plural possessive, above, because I consider many members of the family of my friend to whom I listened last night to also be my friends.)

In less dramatic news, I’ve had Deer showing up for that past couple of days in my Medicine Card®picks. A major trait of Deer is gentleness.

And They Kept Showing Up

I’ll admit it: I sort of blew off that I chose Deer twice in a row. (Technically, yesterday I actually chose it reversed, but today it was upright.) I guess I wasn’t seeing any situations in which gentleness might be appropriate. It’s not as if I’m some wildly aggressive person anyway. At least I don’t perceive myself to be such.

And then I started reflecting on just how many deer I saw on my walk yesterday. I believe there were five or six, with two of them actually standing beside the road watching me approach them. Another appeared to be a fawn hunkered down in the middle of a field. If you look closely, you can see its little brown head:

Fawn hiding – Photo: L. Weikel

Mind you, all of these encounters took place while I was walking two Boston Terriers. And yes, we all know that Sheila is blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other, and has hearing issues to boot, but the deer don’t know that! (Or do they?) And even if they do, Spartacus is always a wild card. Well, OK, after celebrating his 11thbirthday on Monday, I think he officially shelved even the most remote thoughts of chasing deer about six years ago!

Again, though, do the deer know that?

Gentleness? Really?

So when I chose Deer again today, and reflected on all the deer I saw yesterday, I realized that perhaps I need to extend a little bit of gentleness to myself.

Ugh. I hate even writing that. I don’t need gentleness. I need to get more accomplished! I need to work harder! See more people; write more; schedule more retreats!

Yeah, you get the idea. So maybe that’s why I saw at least 15 deer today. Most of them were peeking up at me from places they were nestled in the fields. This surprised me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many deer obviously in repose, poking their heads up above the waving grasses just to look at me. Even as I walked beside a forest, I gazed inside and saw this one laying down too!

Deer hunkered down in the forest – Photo: L. Weikel

Not sure how I’m supposed to take this and apply it to my life. But perhaps I’ll close now and hunker down in my own bed. I do know I am incredibly lucky to be able to take walks where I am surrounded by beauty such as this. Deer for the win, too!

(T-906)

Messenger – Day Thirty Six

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments

 

Messenger

I’m thinking perhaps the Medicine Cards®took pity on you today, my wonderful 1111 Devotion companions.

My last two posts have been sort of on the intense side, and may have actually ruffled a few feathers. That’s especially true given what I might characterize as Pollyanna-ish lenses through which many people look upon prayers and ‘good intentions.’

But lucky for you, I chose Hawk with Deer underneath, so this message carrier is going to take a more gentle approach today. (I hope.)

Indeed, I wasn’t sure what message Hawk was bringing me when I chose and read it this morning. One interesting possibility that presented itself was when one of my readers sent me a message letting me know that she chose Hawk reversed today, and didn’t that contrary description of Hawk contain the very word I’d focused on in yesterday’s post? Tampering. Yes it did. So being astute, and having that somewhat odd word show up in her experience two days in a row, she definitely felt like she needed to pay attention. Well-spotted!

The word was used in the context of Hawk being the message carrier and therefore needing to focus upon and remain dedicated to its job: delivering the message. Its charge is not to ‘interpret’ the message for the recipient, because obviously, everyone perceives life through the filters of their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. So when the messenger puts their unique spin on that message, they are tampering. For it is entirely possible that they could be way off base and sending the recipient into a spiral of confusion.

I’d forgotten that that particular word is used in Hawk reversed – and I probably wouldn’t have remembered it this morning had Janice not called it to my attention, since I chose, and thus only read aloud to Karl, Hawk upright.

As my day unfolded, I found myself feeling overwhelmed by end-of-year responsibilities. In beginning the process of reflecting upon my accomplishments during this year, I found myself wanting. It seemed as if everywhere I looked, I was coming up short, and I even started questioning just what I was doing with this blog and this 1111 Devotion.

All of this took me somewhat by surprise.

Deer to the Rescue

And then I realized that I needed to apply a little Deer to myself. I take the responsibility of being a messenger (Hawk) very seriously. I talk a good game, saying that I ‘know’ there will be days that my posts won’t deliver a compelling or even entertaining message. But I hate the thought.

Deer underneath, though, had perhaps foreseen that I might take the downward path of self-criticism today – and was telling me to go easy. Don’t be such a harsh critic. Be a little kind to myself.

It’s not always easy, is it?

(T-1075)