Too Many Clouds – Day 1063

Spartacus Dreaming – Photo: L. Weikel

Too Many Clouds

Alas, I was not beamed up by yesterday’s mothership. Nor did I see any Draconids on our walk tonight. There were too many clouds lingering at the first edge of evening, holdovers from the grumpy, overcast weather of the entire day.

I doubt it would come as a surprise to any of you to learn that Spartacus’s sudden death wrenched our family’s hearts. It threw us for a loop. As weird as it may sound, I think the sudden and unexpected loss of him was a cruel reminder of that same sudden and unexpected loss of Karl.

And yet again, I struggle in my attempts to describe my feelings without being perceived as some kind of hack who is unable to discern between love for a human and love for an ‘animal.’ As if one is higher or more refined than the other.

I struggle because, as I’ve said before, love is love. Love is that unabashed, open-hearted relinquishment of barriers between two beings. It’s a giving of one’s heart. It’s a sense of being seen and heard and cherished no matter what.

Simply one of my favorite photos; Son & Mom, Spartacus & Sheila – Photo: L. Weikel

Imbalance

After Sheila died, a year ago, Karl’s and my walks felt out of balance. For over 12 years we’d taken daily walks, each with a pup of our own on a leash. I’ve often wondered as Spartacus and I walked and walked and walked mostly by ourselves over the last several months whether Karl’s sudden, strange onset of pain, making our walks uncomfortable for him, was at all related to that ‘imbalance.’

Surely it doesn’t seem to make any logical sense that losing one of our cherished pups would impact us physically. And yet, the question lingered. It remains unanswered to this day.

I, for one, only realized after his death how constant a presence in my life Spartacus had become. I’ve always been deeply connected to my four-legged companions, from my very first kitten, Katen, who came into my life when I was six. (He passed away shortly before Karl and I were married.) But especially since the pandemic hit, Spartacus had been literally my constant companion. Even in work, which I now do ‘long distance,’ he was at my side. On the porch, in the house, it didn’t matter. He was with me.

“Arf!” – Photo: L. Weikel

Dream

Several days ago, completely unexpectedly, Spartacus appeared to me in the very early hours of the morning. This is when I often receive my most profound communications from other realms.

That morning, I felt like I opened my eyes and saw Spartacus. He was in my face – I could see his adorable little front teeth. His front paws were on me, on my arm, getting my attention. He kept saying, “Arf! Arf!” very insistently. His big brown eyes looked right into mine.

I thought, what is he telling me? What does he mean when he arfs at me like this?

“What pup? What are you telling me?” I asked.

“Get it,” he replied.

“But…”

“I used to tell you to GET IT when I wanted you to go into the yard and get one of my toys to throw for me.”

“But…”

“Get it. Get a puppy. I don’t want you to wait.”

“What???”

“ARF!” And he grinned at me. Love poured out of him, poured out of his big brown eyes.

All I could feel was love for him and his love for me.

“You need me,” he said. And I woke up.

(T-48)

Poof – Day 181

Tree Owl – Photo: L. Weikel

Poof   

So, OK.

You guys, my loyal peeps who’ve been sticking with me through 181 days now (even if you did miss a couple few), know that I’ve wondered what would happen if I found myself in a space where I might be compromised in my ability to honor my 1111 Devotion commitment.

Well, this moment is both a challenge and an affirmation.

The night tonight is exquisitely conducive to cocooning. To sleeping. To dreaming. I’m sitting here in my room, the expansive windows thrown wide open despite the rain cascading from the sky. (I checked: No worries, nothing is coming in through the screens.)

It’s almost as if the cavalcade of sounds, textures, voices and images that we just experienced at the hands of the wizardly alchemist Peter May and his sound dakini, Marina, actually rippled out into and through the rainforest, following us as we wound our way to our room.

Indeed, perhaps our journey to the ululating murmerings of the didgeridoo was a mere appetizer to the evening’s main course.

The one that followed us home.

I can only hope.

My Devotion – My Heart

In the meantime, though, in the race to return to my room so I could write these words, I realized just how close to my heart I hold this devotion. It’s as if this time at the close of every day is time actually spent with my eldest son. Even if I don’t write about him (which in fact I rarely do), even if I write about the most mundane of topics. Even if I write a sentence and call it an evening. No detail about any post that I may write has any bearing whatsoever on the heart of the act itself.

There is purpose behind this Act of Power.

I write because I love.

And the love I feel is eternal, expansive, and holds the utmost healing power.

I hope each and every one of you, whether reading this or not, in some way feels the essence of what I felt (and feel) tonight. Whether it was a wisp of a sense, a warm sense, a rustle of your hair. I dropped by. I sent you love. I blew you a kiss. I thought about you.

And because you happen to be reading this at this very moment, know that that thought, that love, is coming to you yet again.

That was my dream earlier. May it continue to manifest.

Photo: L. Weikel

(T-930)

Meet You in the Dreamtime – Day 180

Gathering of Dream Clouds – Photo: L. Weikel

Meet You in the Dreamtime          

I have to get my post written quickly tonight; I have a date.

The stage has been set; our minds, bodies, and spirits have been clarified. It’s as if we’ve had our inner sparkplugs cleaned and sanded. The preparation itself was magic. Alchemical.

I’ll admit it: It’s tough sometimes to keep my hands on the keys of my laptop, especially when my eyes close and I forget where I am. When I suddenly find myself following a string of thought – or is it experience? – taking me somewhere unexpected yet utterly real.

An Intention Has Been Set

Tonight, though, it’s entirely different. An intention has been set. Our group will reconvene in just a few short hours. And as gorgeous as the moon is tonight, playing hide and seek with the clouds, not one of us will need to don a jacket or throw on shoes.

But we’ll need to heighten our awareness. Make sure we’re paying attention.

Whose dream is this, anyway?

Will we ever know for sure?

Looking Up – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-931)