I’m Too Sexy – Photo: L. Weikel
Even the squirrels are getting abusive.
Just yesterday, we encountered this little guy stuffing his face with hickory nuts. It was obvious that he fancied himself quite the representative of his species, because he was all about openly ingesting his nuts before young and old.
Indeed, he confided to us that he occasionally will aim a well-balanced hickory at a passing car. He did admit, in addition, that in some cases will make do with a black walnut, but he tends to shy away from them because they stain his claws.
As soon as we started scrabbling harder into his background, the more perturbed he became.
Ugh! – Photo: L. Weikel
Agitation
Our agitated situation only escalated when the squirrel suddenly felt a wave of paranoia sweep over him. He leapt to face me, his mouth full of nutmeat and outrage. “I WILL NOT tolerate this outrage! I hate Main Street – and I’m not going there. Indeed, I’m not going to sit anywhere without knowing my vote for favorite nut will be counted in a free and fair election.”
Honestly, I have no idea what he was talking about. It all sounded like gibberish to me. Luckily, Karl speaks squirrel, as it is a dialect of Google. He explained the tenterhooks upon which the squirrel was being examined. It didn’t sound easy or pleasant. Perhaps it was less paranoia and more brainwash.
The language on this one! – Photo: L. Weikel
Finally
In the end, Squirrel managed to get himself to a vantage point where he knew he could discern the hazards and proceed with his harvesting with impunity. Indeed, he was so confident of his abilities to see into the future and determine the vulnerabilities of those who’d been entrusted to our care, that I barely scratched the surface of who he is.
Realizing the power of his vantage point, Squirrel’s attitude expanded and the saga devolved. Suddenly, Squirrel became cruel and abusive. “Your mother was a hamster!” he screeched through gritted teeth.
I sighed. There was no reasoning with this creature. He’d gathered his beliefs, like nuts, by the score. And now he refused to manifest any number of accomplishments to which he was capable.
Turns out, his aim with both armaments and epithets was remarkably accurate.
(T+15)