I’m not a huge musical theater or even Broadway (in general) enthusiast. That’s not to say I haven’t loved going to Broadway to see the handful of shows I’ve seen over the years. It’s just never been a priority. Given where we live and our proximity to New York City, this neglect feels like an opportunity wasted.
Of course, full disclosure demands that I admit I had a secret hope that Karl would provide us with the perfect excuse to attend productions in the city more frequently. I never actually imagined Karl performing on Broadway – or even in plays in general – for a living. When he was accepted into NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for acting, I think I imagined him becoming more of a film guy, or a comedian. And with his brazen imagination, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d ended up writing rather than acting. But I did think that, in the short term, he’d give us some cool excuses to go to New York to see him perform.
Alas, that potential destiny never played out.
Tangential Awareness
Even though Broadway and the NYC theater scene never became a bigger part of our lives, I did manage to occasionally peek out from under our rock enough to remain tangentially aware of the most popular shows. And I happen to remember when Rent was just breaking onto the scene. (And no, I still haven’t seen it.)
Fast forward to the past few weeks. I’ve been noticing the title of a movie being advertised, Tick, Tick…Boom, all over the place. And for whatever reason, the title catches my attention. Not long enough for me to explore what the movie’s about, mind you. But I notice.
Then just a few days ago, I was listening to the astrological forecast for the week with Anne Ortelee on Astrology Hub. Here it was again. She mentioned that she was going to the premier of Tick, Tick…Boom later that day (this past Monday), and highly recommended we see it. I believe she said she’d known Jonathan Larson (who was the creator of Rent), “back in the day.”
Timing, Destiny, Humanity
I don’t know why some things catch our attention and others don’t. Is there a reason the title of this movie kept snagging my attention? How odd was it that it crossed my radar again while listening to an astrological podcast? Whatever the reason, the movie, which also happens to be the directorial debut for Lin Manuel Miranda, (yes, I’m aware of Hamilton, but no, I haven’t seen that, either) premiered on Netflix last night – and Karl and I watched it tonight.
Wow.
What a wonderful production. The cast was outstanding. The songs were great; the story inspiring and hopeful. And honestly? I needed the escape.
The affirmation of how important it is for us to follow our deepest creative drives and inclinations – especially as he captured in the song “Why?” – resonated in my heart. Sometimes that means sticking with a vision relentlessly and sometimes it means exploring other opportunities that permit us to express our unique gifts, ‘art,’ or talents.
This movie was infused with tremendous heart. And kindness. Nothing blatant; indeed, there were many sweetly subtle themes of essential humanity.
I’m glad it kept coming up on my radar. I needed the reminder that those things still exist in our world.
Partial Lunar Eclipse and the Pleiades – Photo: L. Weikel
Yet Again
Yet again we’re set back on our heels, reeling at what many believe to be a gross miscarriage of justice. It’s exhausting. And let’s face it: most of us, if we’re not people of color, are only just now starting to get even the tiniest hint of an idea how crushing it must feel like to be them – every day – in this country. In their own country.
I vowed I wouldn’t write about the Rittenhouse verdict tonight. What more can be said? The people who feel the verdict was a vindication of all that is right in our country are exultant. Those of us who feel otherwise? I don’t know…perhaps we’re seeing that the system has slowly been corrupted and is now a caricature of its former self. Or perhaps it’s always been more corrupt than any of us wanted to admit. For many, I fear this to be true.
Jury and Judge
I don’t necessarily disagree with President Biden’s statement that the jury did its job. Given what little I know of the details, I have a feeling the jury did its best to follow the law and apply the law – as written – to the facts of the case as they understood them. I do believe, however, that the judge went out of his way to make it clear to the jury the result he believed must be reached. And that pressure, while we wish it held no sway, is profoundly difficult to ignore – and harder to buck.
At the same time, I do not believe our justice system can survive without the citizenry’s inherent respect for its conclusions. And quite honestly, Judge Schroeder’s blatant bias and defiant refusal to provide and maintain a neutral forum blighted the entire system. The list of outrageous interim orders issued by this man began early and continued throughout. There was no way the truth could be discerned without fear of incurring the judge’s wrath. The fix was in.
And therein lies the most unforgivable facet of this tragedy: the judge himself was instrumental in corrupting our faith in the system he was sworn to uphold and protect.
Sound familiar?
Photo: L. Weikel
Turn to the Eclipse
I catnapped after posting my missive last night, managing to rouse myself every half hour or so to check on the moon’s progress as it entered the Earth’s shadow. The night sky was beyond vast and captivating. Every star seemed to shine its brightest, while the moon knew it held center stage, even as it grew dark and rusty-red.
A pang of utter delight shot through my heart as I witnessed a long-tailed meteor streak across the sky. A persistent rustling of leaves in the woods beside me caught my attention. Opossum, mouse, I’m not sure who was holding space with me. But I knew I wasn’t alone.
I suppose the eclipse, in revealing to us that which we may not want to see, did its work via the verdict today. The bigger question, I guess, is what we’ll do in response to what’s been revealed.
I recall the cards I chose at the beginning of this week. New Beginnings – built on a foundation of Truth. The truth right now is ugly for a vast number of our fellow Americans. What’s it going to take for us to see what’s right before our eyes, dismantle the institutions that no longer serve the greater good, and create systems that actually deliver the ideals we say our country represents?
So vast; so clear; and so revealing – Photo: L. Weikel
Last night I wrote about tonight’s ‘special’ partial lunar eclipse and how it’s the longest lasting eclipse in 580 years. Well, I have an update with respect to just how unique this eclipse actually is. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the Earth won’t see another lunar eclipse that lasts as long as tonight’s until the year 2650. Seriously. That’s another 629 years. That means this is the longest lasting lunar eclipse for 1,209 years.
A mere blip on the geological and cosmic scales, but rather significant vis-à-vis humanity.
I’m planning on trying to stay awake at least until the eclipse process starts. I’d like to say I’ll stay up for the whole thing. And honestly, I’m a sucker for the prospect of witnessing a Full Blood Beaver Moon Eclipse, but I will almost assuredly fall asleep. The culmination of the eclipse will take place at 4:02 a.m. and it sounds like it will look amazing.
I wonder, though, if my iPhone would even be able to capture a fraction of its eerily stunning nature. Probably not.
OK.
Just as I wrote that sentence, my front door, usually dead-bolted shut, just blew open.
That happens rarely, but almost always on an evening of cosmic consequence.
Full Beaver Moon rising – Photo: L. Weikel
Current Status
Naturally, this caused me to rise from the couch to close the door. I walked outside and noticed that the entire hamlet is illuminated by a diffuse light emanating from behind the overcast that still obscures the moon and stars. This cold front barged into our area this evening after probably the last most exquisitely warm and nourishing days of 2021. I do believe it reached 70 degrees this afternoon.
Weather.com swears the clouds presently blanketing the sky will clear out by the time the eclipse begins. Technically, then, it appears the full passage of the moon into and through the shadow (umbra) caused by the Earth coming between it and the sun should be visible.
Nearly full Beaver Moon (last night) – Photo: L. Weikel
Last Night
I managed to snag a few photos of the moon blazing in nearly full reflected glory last night after I wrote my post for the evening. The rainbows in the halo surrounding the moon were visible to my naked eye, and I was pleased to see the iPhone’s camera captured them.
It’s interesting that some of my final posts in my 1111 Devotion are ‘devoted’ to looking upward. I don’t think we do that often enough.
I’d probably be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the upcoming, actually very special, partial lunar eclipse that will occur during the wee hours of Friday morning, November 19th (2021). I’ve seen so many posts and articles about it, I sort of feel as though I’m just being redundant by writing about it here. But just in case this scintillating blog is your lone connection to the outside world, let me alert you now: 2021’s second set of eclipses is upon us, and the first in the series will occur a few hours after midnight Thursday night – also known as a few hours before dawn Friday morning. (The second, a solar eclipse, will take place on December 4th.)
Whether you decide to stay up late (ok, very late) or get up early to watch it (should you make that bold choice at all) depends upon whether you’re a night owl or a morning rooster.
What to Expect
While I’m still a bit unclear as to the astrological significance of eclipses, I understand how they occur astronomically. And when we watch them take place (obviously the lunar eclipses are the ones we can directly observe without burning our retinas), it’s hard not to feel overcome with a sense of existential awe. Every single time I’ve witnessed an eclipse I’ve imagined a visceral connection to my ancient, ancient ancestors who must have been blown away by the mystery unfolding before their eyes.
I think eclipses are thought to be revelatory in some way. I don’t know why, but as we approach this particular partial lunar eclipse I’m focusing more on how it is expected to be the longest lasting eclipse (three hours and 28 minutes) this century – but also the longest in the past 580 years. It seems like we’ve been experiencing a number of celestial events in the past couple years that have been significant in that way. Is it a coincidence that humanity seems to be going through some pretty significant shifts in these times?
Beam me up? – Photo: L. Weikel
Whoa
Every once in a while, especially when witnessing celestial events, I’m left with such a profound shift in perspective that it’s hard to even form words to describe the visceral effect. I mostly feel it in my chest. Is it my heart attempting to expand into the space above? Is it simply the enormity of All That Is that takes my breath away? Or is it the flip side of it all? Am I overcome by just how teeny tiny and insignificant everything is here – not the least being my solitary self but also all the struggles and worries of our entire planet?
Which leads me to ask: have you ever tried to imagine what existed before the Big Bang? Or what exists beyond…what? IS there a boundary to universes? Where does anything begin? Or end? Try to imagine it.
Yeah. Did you feel that weird sensation in your chest?
“Petting needs to commence,” says Cletus – Photo: L. Weikel
Short and Sweet
Since last night’s missive was dramatically longer than my usual posts, I’m thinking you guys might enjoy something short and sweet tonight. That is a rather self-serving cop-out, of course. I’m only suggesting I write a shorter post because I’m flailing about for something interesting to write about.
I must be getting old. Let me rephrase that, since none of us are getting any younger. Perhaps a better observation is: I’m definitely noticing the cold – and that’s making me feel old(er). It’s always been tougher to stick to the discipline of walking every night when late fall and winter approach. I’d say “this year is no exception,” except it is. I feel colder this year. Already. And I honestly think it’s me – not a case of the temperature being unseasonably cold.
Karl and I have had to cajole (or is it goad?) each other to move our bones the last few days. The worst part about the loss of Daylight Savings Time is that the sun sets way too early now. The good news is that we’ve actually managed to log some miles together for the first time in quite a while.
Venus in the cold November sky – Photo: L. Weikel
Quick Puppy Update
And why not? If I’m resorting to commenting about walks and weather, I might as well give you an update on the pups. They’re doing great.
At our vet appointment last week (for their 3rd set of shots), we discovered they’ve more than doubled in weight since we brought them home. They both managed to gain over three pounds each in the last month!
Pacha and Brutus, although initially tending to engage in some (literal) foot-dragging at the outset of every walk, are now becoming remarkably enthusiastic walking companions. I say that they’re doing great on our walks, and it is true, but it’s also true that the pups look at us with only thinly-veiled, “This is puppy abuse,” expressions when I start suiting them up. I imagine we’ll have a full-on puppy strike when the snow falls.
Tonight was just a lazy, snuggly night. I’m off my soapbox. For now.
Brutus and Pacha snoozing on Dad – Photo: L. Weikel
In last night’s post, after expressing worry over both the state of our country and our overall morale, I wrote: “There is precious little overlap between realities anymore. And without common ground? How do we salvage what’s left of our country’s future?” Holding the energy of those questions in my heart, I consulted The Ocean Oracle to “seek a way forward. What do we need to know? How can we help ourselves?”
The answer I received? Nautilus on a foundation of Sea Urchin.
Nope, this isn’t an order of sushi. Rather, it stands for New Beginnings – on a foundation of Truth.
29 Nautilus – New Beginnings
The story behind this card is lovely and bears repeating:
“He wore the shell around his neck, on a cord long enough so that the nautilus rested just over his heart. A reminder to him of his past which had led him to the present, hopeful about the future. He had been going through some personal issues, issues which weighed him down. He felt stuck – stuck in the middle of something he could not see clear of. He took himself away to the beach, to clear his head and hopefully gain insight into how to move forward. It was on a long walk during this that he found the nautilus. There had been a huge storm the night before and this treasure had been left behind in its wake. He had seen shells like this before but had never realized their intricate and intrinsic beauty; how they were formed into a perfect spiral – that nature had the instinct and intelligence to allow a grain of sand to grow into this perfection. He opened himself to the sacredness of the design realizing it offered a new beginning – a new way of being in the world. That everything was an opportunity for growth and change and beginning anew. This awareness released him from his past, allowing him to be fully aware in the present moment.
The Messages
What needs to end? What needs to finish so something new can enter? Open your heart to divine perfect timing. Let go that which keeps you stuck. If you free the energy around holding onto something which no longer works for you, you will have more energy to put into a new beginning. Enjoy the newness of your latest endeavor. Be awed by the perfection of nature and the new beginnings she offers.”
The foundation, or card on the bottom of the deck, when I pulled the main card (above), was 22 Sea Urchin – Truth. The ‘story’ accompanying this card is as follows:
“These creatures had not been seen in these waters for years. They had left long ago, driven out by the pollutants that people had left behind. They needed clean water to thrive and the waters here became too murky and infested for them to live in a healthy way. So they chose to leave, find a place where they were part of a balanced ecosystem. They flourished for years but grew too may for their home to sustain them. Some migrated into new waters and some eventually ended up back in the place they had left long ago. But it was not the same place. Something had shifted. The things that had polluted the water were no longer there. There was more awareness of the way the oceans and ponds and tides worked. There was a place now for the urchins to thrive. They were able to expand and contribute to the ecosystem in a life enhancing way.
The Messages
Your truth is your truth. Are you in a situation toxic to your truth? Do you need to reassess your truth? Has a situation changed in which your truth can come forward again? Is your environment supporting you in your truth? To live in our truth and integrity, it may be that we have to move, and something that means physically. Stand strong in your truth and respect your limits. Set your boundaries but know rigidity may not be the answer. An urchin’s spines protect it but if pushed too hard, or in the wrong way, the spines break.”
My Take
The way forward for our country very well may be via a new beginning. I don’t mean ripping asunder everything we’ve built over the past 245 years. But I do mean that we are stuck – road-blocked in so many ways from accomplishing anything productive. Thwarted from listening to the needs, hopes, and dreams of a majority of people who comprise this nation.
The story of the young man is almost transparently applicable to us as a nation. We’ve surely been ‘going through some personal issues’ – and, indeed, we’ve recently endured a huge storm. Sadly, I sense the storm has yet to abate. Precious little has been accomplished as a result of that maelstrom – neither change nor accountability. But the fact that it occurred at all is, perhaps, the sand that will result in an even more ‘perfect’ creation than was created two centuries ago.
We tend to think our system of government is the be-all and end-all. And as an idealistic person who believes in democracy, I’m pretty fond of it. However, I do believe it can be better. I believe money has corrupted the fundamental tenets of our system – and if we stand any chance of keeping our great experiment, we must get the money out of it.
Idealism
Yes, I’m idealistic. But I also believe that our country was founded on idealism. It makes sense to me that the foundational card underneath Nautilus’s vision of a New Beginning for us as a nation was Sea Urchin – Truth. But I can’t say that I entirely agree with ‘The Messages.’
Yes, when it comes right down to it, we all have our own unique perspective on the world, on life, and on the way things ‘should’ be. We have our opinions about the way things should be. Need to be. Must be, if a system is going to work. And our firmly held beliefs can be called our ‘truth.’
But for our country to move forward as a democracy, we have to at least be able to agree on what is ‘truth.’ We have to be able to start from a foundation of shared understanding of what is true and what is fear or paranoia or deliberate disinformation meant to rip us apart.
Back to Letting Go
In order to get back to at least some modicum of a shared reality, I think we’re going to have to let go of some of our beliefs about how our country is currently set up. That includes changing at least a handful of (and possibly a lot more) ‘ways we’ve always done things.’
This post is becoming long and unwieldy. I wanted to quote the full text from the two cards, though, even though the simplicity of a New Beginning built on Truth is a hopeful outcome.
And I do believe it’s possible. But I don’t think we’re going to achieve it in the next few months.
No, we’re going to have to work for it over the next few years. We’re going to have to figure out a way to discern truth and be willing to let go of ‘the way things have always been done’ in order to create an even more perfect union of people and cultures and belief systems from all over the world.
It’s been a while since I chose a card to guide us through the week ahead. And as I approach the end of my 1111 Devotion, I am reflecting on the assistance and inspiration I’ve received from the handful of tarot and other oracle decks that became my ‘go-to’ support staff.
I’ve been trying extra hard over the past week or two to steer clear of watching anything but the barest bones of news. The trials going on in various parts of our country feel like we’re witnessing Theater of the Absurd. As an attorney, I’m appalled at the behavior of the judge in Wisconsin. His rulings, his behavior, his attitudes all embody impropriety. Right now, right when our institutions are perilously close to crashing all around us, this petty, vindictive, obviously biased man pollutes our nation’s belief in justice.
Right when we need them most, our systems are failing us.
And it goes without saying that this includes Congress. Good grief. I know I don’t even need to write a word on that subject. It’s painful to watch each day tick by without the egregious and unprofessional behavior of a faction of Congress create a mockery of this essential branch of government.
Accountability
There’s a word that all of us are probably feeling pretty obviously doesn’t apply to the rich and powerful in our country. First of all, it barely seems as if anyone is even made to break a sweat when they brazenly lie, cheat, and steal while holding public office (or fraternize with those who do). And then, even when an occasional subpoena is issued or indictment is handed down, we get a front row seat to all the tricks of the trade that the wealthy use to delay and obstruct justice in our country.
I used to see it when I practiced family law. Money used as a bludgeon to maintain an untenable status quo. And when that doesn’t work? Delay, obstruct, and bleed the weaker side dry.
January 6th was a failed coup attempt. You know it; I know it. We all know it. But every single day that goes by and people keep pretending it wasn’t exactly what it was, our country becomes that much weaker. Every day. Drip by drip.
Despair
I don’t want to give in to despair. And the last think I want to do is promote it. But at the same time, I feel like most of us who kept the faith through the debacle that was the Trump Administration are losing hope that our country can be reunited. There is precious little overlap between realities anymore. And without common ground? How do we salvage what’s left of our country’s future?
The Ocean Oracle
I turn to a deck created by a wonderfully creative friend of mine, Susan Marte, for inspiration and perhaps a way forward. Susan is the creator of The Ocean Oracle.
Holding the energy of my words in my heart as I shuffle, I seek a way forward. What do we need to know? How can we help ourselves?
The two cards that appear make me catch my breath.
Alas, I don’t have time to upload the images or share the wisdom of the cards in this moment. But I promise to share them tomorrow night.
I will tell you this: The top card was Nautilus and the foundational card, the card holding space at the bottom of the deck, was Sea Urchin. When you hear what they represent, I suspect you, too, will see and feel both the promise as well as the turbulent path we’ll need to navigate in order to ‘get there.’
Until tomorrow, then. Remember: Nautilus/Sea Urchin.
Tohickon Creek- A Fork in the Path (11 November 2018) Photo: L. Weikel
For all the wild and wooly wind and rain that thrashed through our area earlier today, Karl, Pacha, Brutus, and I still managed to get a walk in. And oh my – there’s just something so exquisitely Maxfield Parrish about November sunsets.
The colors and cloud configurations we witnessed made it seem as if we were walking inside a kaleidoscope, they shifted and changed so fluidly before our eyes. When we first set out, I was smitten with what appeared to be a massive cloud raptor rising in the east, reflecting the pinky-peach rays of the sun that was just barely sinking below the horizon in the opposite direction. When I looked at the photo, I was shocked to see the pointy chin and just-a-little-creepy expression of a devilish looking man on the right.
Cloud Raptor and “Onlooker” – Photo: L.Weikel
Hawks Abounded
Our walk was littered by several substantial chunks of dead tree branches. Swirling gusts of wind were still with us, mostly high up in the treetops, rushing and whooshing and occasionally making us wonder if we should take cover.
Hawk 1 – Photo: L. Weikel
But the best part of this walk, in concert with the colors and clouds, were the three hawks that were swooping and diving, soaring and skimming the field beside us. We think they may have been Sharp-shinned Hawks. Whatever type they were, they put on a joyful aerial display, riding the gusts and quite obviously playing with (or showing off for) the others.
Hawk 2 – Photo: L. Weikel
Watching them play, I was reminded of the Red-shouldered Hawks that were so raucous in the springtime, doing their mating dance right in front of me for the first time in my memory. Well – they are back, literally waking us up every morning for the past week or so. Shrieking from the treetops literally outside of our bedroom windows.
Needless to say, our bird feeders have been a bit like a ghost town recently!
Hawk 3 – Photo: L. Weikel
What’s the Message?
I have to wonder. Honestly, I’ve been inundated with Hawk medicine lately! What a gift – and what a challenge to discern what we’re being asked to pay attention to.
How am I supposed to write with this on my arm? Photo: L. Weikel
Two weeks ago, I lamented the toll taken by Pacha and Brutus’s zealous antics (aka ‘zoomies’) chasing each other from one room to the other on a rather dependable schedule every night. Streaking like lightning around the couch and threading the needle of other obstacles, they got snagged on the charger cord of my laptop and swept it onto the floor with a thud. I feared they’d killed it.
I was relieved to report that the initial diagnosis was a simple need for a new charger. It appeared that the charger had bent and simply needed to be replaced, since the experts at D’town Tech were able to plug it in and boot it back up. All was well that ended well. I ordered a new charger and counted my lucky stars.
Well, it turns out my celestial ciphering may have been a bit premature.
Resisting the Truth
When the new charger arrived from Amazon, I immediately plugged it into the machine and hoped it would charge overnight. When I awakened, it still refused to boot up.
Resisting the truth of what was playing out before my eyes, I told myself the old battery had been drained for so long that it finally gave up the ghost. All would be better when the new battery arrived and the experts replaced it.
Yeah. I wish.
On Election Day, Karl dropped the laptop back off at D’town Tech for replacement of its battery. Sadly, word came the next day that my Dell, while initially booting up just fine, after about 10 minutes was persistently seizing and then crashing. The cause was eluding them. The prognosis was dire.
From Bad to Worse
It’s funny; I look back on some of my earliest posts in this long saga, and I see that ten days into my 1111 Devotion, my Dell XPS went on the fritz. I documented my adventures with customer service (I had a premium warranty on the machine) as they stretched into Days 14 and 15 – ultimately resulting in replacement of the motherboard. Because my Dell crapped out on me in those early days of getting this discipline off the ground, I decided to write all my blog posts on my MacBook Air. And that’s how it’s been ever since.
But that doesn’t negate the fact that I use the Dell for so many of my day-to-day business and record-keeping activities. All of our financials, my legal work, etc., is on my Dell.
So you might imagine how deflating it was to discover that the hard drive was so damaged that they can’t even retrieve my data. They effectively killed it.
While I did back up a lot on an external hard drive, I didn’t update the backup nearly as recently as I should have. As I now wish I had.
An interesting ‘coincidence’ is how this issue came up almost exactly as many days into my 1111 Devotion as I am away from completing this Act of Power. It’s odd. Two weeks into it; and now two weeks from ending it. One thing I’m observing? I’m much less invested in what I’ve ‘lost’ than I would have been three years ago.
That in itself is worthy of contemplation and reflection.
Their first prey – “Killed it!” – Photo: L. Weikel
This is always a tough time of year. Actually, most of the month of November is a challenge. Starting about a week before the 11th, I begin framing everything in my life around that day. (This day. Today.) I see 11/11 ahead on the calendar and I want to look away. I want it to mean something different than it does. But of course it can’t. It never will again.
This year, I’ve sort of been in an in-between place. It’s been ten years. Karl’s been gone for ten years – and actually, I haven’t seen or put my arms around my son in just under 11 years. He left for the West Coast in January of ’11 and never made it home again.
But even though today marks a full decade of missing him, I’d grown a bit detached – perhaps a smidgen one might call ‘spiritually aloof’ – over the past several months. Make that the past two years or so.
The Beginning of the Quiet
Now that I’m thinking about it, it’s all starting to make sense. Since he died, my main mode of receiving communications from Karl has been through the music on my iPod (and now my iPhone), which I would most often listen to as I drove in the car. Since the pandemic hit, I’ve hardly driven anywhere. As a result, I’ve barely listened to any music in the past two years. (Yes, this realization is appalling to me as well.)
While music (and especially the lyrics) of songs is his most effective means of communicating more complex messages, I am cognizant of the occasional hints he drops that he’s ‘around’ – or at least checking in. Some of those I’ve even written about. I guess, though, in the chaos of Covid and everything else that’s been unfolding in our lives, I just felt a distance growing between us. I assumed it was probably natural, that he was busy moving on with his own evolution.
Lately, though, the dearth of communications from him has left me feeling wistful and sad. It starting to hit me just how long he’s been gone. I think the impending end of my 1111 Devotion is also weighing on me. This Act of Power in his memory is coming to a close. Is it a metaphor for something bigger?
Recent Increases
Over the past two days, I was seeing so many license plates with his initials or even his name (for instance, “KRL 1234”), I actually talked to him out loud. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but you have my attention. I see the initials. I see the signs. But I’m starting to feel like it’s just because I want to see them. Our area issued a bunch of license plates with your initials. Big deal. I used to see magic, but I’m starting to think maybe I’ve just been acting dumb.”
Yeah. I went there.
I was feeling sad. And losing my sense of wonder. And yet I still maintained a grateful heart – for if that’s the extent of the messages I was going to receive anymore, at least I was receiving them.
Salmon Speaking
I ran over to Whole Foods today to pick up some salmon for our dinner this evening. We’ve barely eaten any fish since we watched the documentary about over-fishing. But this is a hard week for us, and I thought both Karl and I could use some Omega-3s to lighten our outlook.
As I was driving home this afternoon, I had a very clear and strong urge to listen to my music on shuffle again. No podcasts. No radio. “I need to listen to my music.” I’ll admit, I hoped for but honestly doubted whether anything ‘special’ would come up for me.
The Voice
The very first song that played on ‘shuffle’ was The Voice by The Moody Blues. I do not know why, but as soon as I heard their voices and listened to the lyrics, tears started streaming down my cheeks and all I could think or say was how much I miss my Karl. It was the weirdest thing: like a button had been pushed that immediately triggered a doorway to the pain in my heart that I live with and try not to dwell upon.
For my own special reasons (due to context and history), I heard in the lyrics some statements I sensed Karl was making to me about trust and moving forward with new projects and ideas. I felt like he was offering commentary on a number of things I’d said out loud to him while out doing errands, driving alone in the car, over the past several days.
I will admit that even then – even after bursting into unexpected, unbidden sobs – I actually said out loud that this was pretty well orchestrated, Karl, but who was I kidding? I was probably only hearing what I wanted to hear. After all, today was the 10th anniversary of your death. Of course I’d like to hear from you today. (I’m actually a lot more skeptical about receiving signs and messages than a lot of people assume. Sometimes I make Spirit – and my ancestors and allies – jump through hoops before I’ll believe they’re really giving me a message.)
Tonight’s Wagon
So it was especially fascinating tonight during the Wagon when one of the participants reported that she’d met Karl for the first time. Tonight. In her journey. Now, for some context, when Karl comes through to other people, he almost always brings messages specifically for his father.
That wasn’t the case tonight, though. He asked her to tell me, among other things, that I need to “let go of the past and focus on creating the future.” And I’m supposed to “BELIEVE.”
I had to smile at that last comment. To me, it was very obviously a direct response to the cynical commentary I’d made out loud in the car earlier in the day – in spite of my visceral reaction to the music.
I guess our work together has yet to conclude. I miss you, Karl. But I’m glad you’re so persistent and willing to insist that I move forward with our collaboration.
Won’t you take me back to school? I need to learn the golden rule. Won’t you lay it on the line? I need to hear it just one more time.
Oh, won’t you tell me again? Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight?
Each and every heart it seems, Is bounded by a world of dreams. Each and every rising sun, Is greeted by a lonely one.
Oh, won’t you tell me again? Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight?
Cause out on the ocean of life my love. There a so many storms we must rise above. Can you hear the spirit calling, as it’s carried across the waves? You’re already falling it’s calling you back to face the music. And the song that is coming through. You’re already falling the one that it’s calling is you
My a promise take a vow. And trust your feelings it easy now. Understand The Voice within. And feel a change already beginning.
Oh, won’t you tell me again? Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight? Tonight?
Oh, won’t you tell me again? Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight?
And how many words have I got to say? And how many times will it be this way? With your arms around the future and your back up against the past. You’re already falling it’s calling you on to face the music. And the song that is coming through. You’re already falling the one that it’s calling is you
Each and every heart it seems, Is bounded by a world of dreams. Each and every rising sun, Is greeted by, a lonely, lonely one.
Won’t you tell me again? Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight?
Won’t you tell me again? Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight? Tonight
Oh, can you feel it? Oh, won’t you tell me again tonight?
