Clouds parting and bringing clarity – Photo: L. Weikel

Raising the Roof on My Comfort Zone

As I mentioned last night, my decision to raise my rates has been a long time coming. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, by any means.

Many factors played into my decision, as you might expect.

But yesterday, as I contemplated making my announcement public by writing about it here, I felt all my worries and doubts lining up for one last swipe at my decision.

The wind yesterday was brisk and it was chilly on our porch. I picked up the deck of Medicine Cards and walked, barefoot, onto our lawn, shuffling all the while. I looked up into the sky and watched the clouds, which had blanketed the sky only moments earlier, open up to reveal brilliant azure clarity above my head. I felt myself connecting with the cool green grass beneath my feet as I opened my heart to receiving one last oomph of GUIDANCE.

As I meandered, I said out loud to anyone who would hear (but really, I was addressing Spirit), that increasing my rates was really pushing me out of my comfort zone, that I was really feeling anxious and conflicted over it.

The Wind Steps In

At that, the wind whipped in, picked a card off the deck as I shuffled the cards in my hands and swept that card face down into the birdbath, which was full of fresh, clear rain water from the storms of the night before.

Miraculously, the card landed on the surface of the water gently and without a sound. I snatched the card up, refusing to allow the card to get ruined by plunging into a birdbath, gently wiping it to ensure no permanent damage was done.

The card that Spirit had chosen ‘for’ me was Ant. The keyword for Ant is Patience. Glancing at the rest of the deck, which I continued to clutch in my left hand, I saw that Black Panther was stalking my pick, informing me on how I should interpret that “Spirit-assisted” pick. Black Panther’s keyword are ‘Embracing the Unknown.”

Wow. OK. I felt totally OK with having PATIENCE, which was interesting, because years and years ago, that was the single-word response I received when I took one of my first journeys and asked for guidance. I simply saw the word PATIENCE – in all caps – right in front of my closed eyelids. That frustrated me to no end.

Patience/Embracing the Unknown

But this time? It felt good. It felt OK. I felt that Spirit was telling me to FOLLOW THROUGH with this shift (of which raising my rates is a part) and to have patience. Yes, it may cause me to ‘lose’ potential clients that would have come to me had I left my rates where they’ve been for 15 years. But if I have patience (and accept that this IS a leap from my comfort zone – “into the VOID OF THE UNKNOWN”) things may work out in ways I cannot even fathom right now.

Yes, I must leap (Black Panther), but first and foremost, I MUST EXERCISE PATIENCE. Which means yeah, I’m probably going to encounter some backlash and some scary times. Yeah, it’s not necessarily going to be easy or a walk in the park. But it is the right thing to do.

I’ll admit that this was my first true ‘hit’ on what the Ant/Black Panther combo was telling me.

Doubt Rears Its Head

But then, of course, my freaking nemesis, doubt – that Spirit could actually, truly, be encouraging me to think bigger, dream bigger, to believe that I am here to help deliver a message, in service, that people will benefit from hearing and incorporating into their lives – kicked in.

I chastised myself: Maybe the Ant card landing in the birdbath meant, “Yeah, you need to just settle down. Don’t act in haste by raising your rates so dramatically. Settle the $#%@ down. Be patient.”

And that thought just felt awful. I felt every cell in my body droop. It deflated me and made me feel sad – as if I were letting myself down in the worst way.

Realizing how profoundly my old habits of indulging my doubt and second-guessing the message I’d intuited with such crystal clarity in those first moments made me feel utterly defeated, I chose, then and there, to honor my knowing.

I’m revealing these thoughts and the process through which I butted heads with my doubts to show that I understand how tough it can be to honor our knowing. When I ask clients to do hard things, it’s not as if I’m asking you to do anything I wouldn’t demand of my own self.

(T-898)