physical distancing Archives - Owl Medicine: Shamanic Healing

We Can’t Breathe

This will not be a long post.

I spent the better part of this evening celebrating something wonderful – the third anniversary of my middle son’s marriage to my daughter-in-law Tiffany. We love each other. We maintained safe distance between us and they did not even come into our home. Rather, we sat outside enjoying the smell of freshly cut grass, the flicker of lots of candles on the porch, and the ribets of what must be massive bullfrogs in the pond behind our barn.

We used to be able to see each other often – once a week, if we were lucky. Tonight was only the second time in three months that all four of us were within twelve feet of each other at the same time.

A Realization

But while I was lucky enough to be able to celebrate this anniversary with my family, so many other people are suffering unimaginable and utterly senseless loss. And the thought of what those other people are feeling and experiencing takes my breath away.

I do not say this lightly. For days and days following my son Karl’s death in 2011, I would find myself feeling as though there was a huge invisible weight on my chest. I’d never felt anything like it – even after my own parents had died. This grief was different.

As I may have written last night, when I watched the video of the incident in Central Park and then saw the still photos (and read the description) of what happened to George Floyd, I started feeling that weight in my chest again. It is as if the world is so heavy and so unimaginably cruel that it’s impossible to take another breath.

The Microcosm and the Macrocosm

After our celebration this evening, I came inside and watched some reporting on MSNBC. I watched the interview by Lawrence O’Donnell of George Floyd’s sister, Bridget Floyd. And I felt that weight again. I saw her shirt with her brother’s last words, “I can’t breathe.”

I remembered the words of the man in NYC, Eric Garner, who also said, “I can’t breathe,” and was killed by NYC police officers.

They are the microcosm. The macrocosm, I realized tonight, is the coronavirus, the root of Covid-19. How do I arrive at that? What are all of the people dying from Covid-19 feeling before they die? “I can’t breathe.” What do they say when they arrive in the emergency departments of hospitals all over the world? “I can’t breathe.” What is the state they are in when they’re put on ventilators? They can’t breathe.

Our world – but in particular our country – can no longer breathe. We are choking on our own injustice, inhumanity, greed, systemic racism, and simple cruelty.

Yes, it hit me tonight. There’s a theme to all of the suffering we’re seeing play out around us and within our homes, families, communities, and countries. We can’t breathe with the continued injustice we’re witnessing and experiencing.

We can’t breathe with the overwhelming cruelty we’re witnessing day in and day out, perpetrated by our supposed leaders and elected representatives. We can’t breathe if their actions truly reflect our hearts. Because there’s no way anyone can breathe and endure this awful, unbelievable, grief.

We must find a way to heal this. I know we can. But first, we must each take a deep breath ourselves. Feel that life force enter our bodies and ask how we can help others breathe, too.

(T-548)

Angel’s Wings – Photo: L. Weikel

Didn’t See That

Walking this early evening was a particularly spectacular treat. The setting sun toyed with the clouds that cascaded across the sky and created moment after moment that demanded our attention. I would try to swear off taking any further photos, only to relent to the temptation time after time. One particular effort, though, yielded a photo that simply didn’t resemble what we were observing. “I didn’t see that, did you?” I asked Karl when I showed him the photo on my iPhone’s screen.

We both looked up at the sky, the clouds arcing across the sky before us. Then we looked down at my iPhone. Nope. Not the same.

Angel’s Wings

There a chance that even transferring the image to a larger screen (such as a laptop or desktop) will wreck the effect of what we both saw within moments of each other – and that’s the angel’s wings.

To both of us, the photo seemed to clearly reflect wings high above us, holding, protecting, and shielding us (and all our neighbors – indeed, the entire world) from harm. But when we simply looked at the sky, all we saw was the initial beauty that had warranted taking the photo in the first place.

We kept looking back and forth between the actual sky and the photograph. It was as if an angelic or higher force is trying to keep us protected and centered, but chooses to remain anonymous. And it was only through the perspective afforded by the camera’s unique lenses that revealed the support hidden in plain sight.

And regardless of the objective ‘truth’ of unseen protection, it is a comforting thought sometimes to think that it might occur, especially when so many people are refusing to take responsibility for themselves (and all of us). When everything else has failed, there is a power in allowing our imagination to ease our stress even just a notch or two, simply by bolstering a sense that a higher power is protecting us from the most dangerous among us.

Even the most cynical among us cannot dispute the research that establishes that stress makes us more vulnerable to illness and other maladies. Surely feeling that there’s some unseen protection can bolster our immune systems even a little bit?

At the very least, it made us smile.

Sunset Spectacular

About a mile of our walk later, we crested a hill and encountered a sunset of epic beauty. Perhaps it’s a result of all the rain we’ve had lately, but wow. In spite of the reality of the astonishing number of deaths occurring in our country and across the world, it is indisputably easier – at least for a few short moments – to disengage the clutch that always has our minds in gear and allow ourselves to simply get lost in the unspeakable beauty of a moment.

Everything about this evening has been exquisite. The song of the frogs and peepers, the brilliance of the first quarter moon and Venus, the darting and dives of bats freeing themselves from the confines of their homes (perhaps our attics?) as they lunge after mosquitos and other winged morsels.

Yes. For just a moment or two, or maybe even an hour or two if we were lucky, it was possible to imagine that this pandemic was a very grotesque dream. Of course, indulging in such an imaginary experience is only possible if we are lucky enough not to be in the throes of grief; of feeling the oppressive loss of someone we love to this killer virus.

But if we can, if we can find those moments when we can immerse ourselves in the magic that may be accidentally revealed to us every now and again, then maybe we can also find the grace to carry on one more day of ‘physical distancing’ while embracing ‘spiritual union’ with All That Is. You may initially think, “I didn’t see that.” But when it’s revealed, you’ll know; and feel all the stronger for it.