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Massaged Kale* – Photo: L. Weikel

Massaged Kale

In yesterday’s blog I referenced my absolute favorite way to eat kale. Actually, aside from the extremely rare (i.e., maybe once a year) impulse-adds to a stew or a stir-fry, massaged kale is the only way I prepare this prolific leafy green vegetable.

I think I first saw the recipe for massaged kale on Facebook. I’m pretty sure I’d never eaten kale before. There’s no doubt in my mind that I never even once ate it when I was growing up. We were mostly an iceberg lettuce kind of family – albeit I was usually in charge of ‘making the salad,’ and I’d cut up tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions if we had them.

It never even occurred to me, growing up, that there were any other types of lettuce beside iceberg. Surely I must’ve seen it in the grocery store.

And to think I grew up on a farm.

Hang On

Before you get all indignant and castigate my parents for being the worst farmers ever, I need to clarify: they weren’t farmers. We lived on a dairy farm. And that’s not even completely accurate, as no milking took place there. Our stone farmhouse was bordered by acres and acres of fenced-in pasture where heifers roamed. Yup. I grew up on a farm surrounded with teenage cows.

My father was a salesman for Bethlehem Steel and my mother was a librarian. And they both grew up in a suburb of Boston.

And when I was growing up in the ‘60s and ‘70s, there were no farmers’ markets teeming with fresh produce. It was cool to buy everything canned – or I guess maybe frozen occasionally, too. Bird’s Eye frozen vegetables. Yeah. I remember those little freezer bricks.

Now that I’m thinking about fresh vegetables, though…there was nothing that could compare to eating peas fresh off the vine in my best friend Chris’s grandfather’s garden. We’d just stand there, picking them off the vine, compulsively zipping them open and stripping the sweet, pearl-shaped treasures into our mouths with our teeth. Oh, yum.

Shoo-shoo grew spectacular vegetables, the most memorable to me being those peas and a variety of tomatoes. (I can just hear him now in his thick Italian accent, saying “Tomat!” and gesturing with his immaculate, calloused hands and a big grin on his face.) I think he wanted us to pick them – not eat them. Get to work. Earn our keep.

Back to the Kale

When I saw the recipe for Massaged Kale on FB, I had no preconceived distaste for kale lurking on my palate. Perhaps that made it easier for me try the recipe in the first place. I have to admit, the taste of just plain old steamed kale doesn’t do a lot for me. I don’t even like the smell of it. So yeah, my kale innocence was probably a boon. So for those of you who are kale cynics, I urge you to pretend you’ve never had it before.

The recipe itself couldn’t be simpler:

I like to use a good pound of kale. (That looks like a lot but trust me on this.) Strip the leaves from the main stalks using a large sharp knife. Once you’ve stripped the whole pound of kale, compost the stems – unless you’re a fanatic and make broth out of it or something. (I’m sure many of you out there would do more than just compost, but hey – we all have our limitations.)

Rip apart the pile of stripped leaves and put the pieces into a big salad or mixing bowl – the bigger the better. You’ll probably have to strip and rip several piles. It doesn’t hurt to squeeze them a bit as you’re ripping them, too. Every effort to break down the cellular structure of the kale benefits you in the long run. This is the part of the recipe that takes the longest.

Your bowl will probably be brimming with shredded kale leaves. Dress it liberally with olive oil: a good long drizzle in a couple of circles. Add maybe a tablespoon of sea salt – I like to lightly sprinkle the coarse size. And then add the juice of a whole fresh lemon.

Next is the best part: dive in and squeeze, kneed, and massage (hence the name) that kale. Do not take no for an answer. Pretend that kale represents your shoulders and give that green stuff some serious tough love.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly it becomes tame! That big puffy stuff that felt a bit stiff and unyielding and almost overflowed its bowl turns a richer, darker color and breaks down into a totally different and oddly compliant creature.

The final delectable addition is your choice: I like to add at least a good bunch of either white or red grapes sliced in half. Another favorite is at least a cup of sliced strawberries. I’ve also occasionally used blueberries, although I prefer either grapes or strawberries.

Delicious

I’d like to note that I’ve massaged every type of kale I’ve encountered – both at the CSA and at the grocery store – and it all responds to my loving but assertive touch. I can’t recommend strongly enough that you really let yourself go on this – use it as a therapeutic tool just as so many kneed dough for bread. The more compliant your kale, the more delicious it tastes.

If you have any leftover, you may need to add more lemon juice the next day. (I tend to like my massaged kale tart (lemon juice), savory (sea salt), and sweet (grapes or strawberries). The mélange of flavors just floats my boat.

I hope it does yours, too. Try it!