Owl Medicine

A Move to Substack

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments
Happy Earth Day, with love – Photo: L. Weikel

Hi everyone!

It’s been a long time since I created a post here, and I’m finally feeling like it’s time to move forward and begin connecting with the outside world again.  A move to Substack is in the offing, and I hope you’ll follow me there!

As most of you know, I’m not the most technologically savvy individual, but I am embracing the challenge to jump on the Substack bandwagon and shift my communications to that platform.

I promised myself I would reach out and create my first Substack post by the full moon (which occurs tomorrow night – at 7:48 p.m. EDT). And, heck, it doesn’t hurt that today is Earth Day, either, since so much of what’s important to me is connected to Mother Earth. It won’t technically be Earth Day anymore when you receive this, but I did actually write and post that first Substack missive tonight.

Speaking of which, HERE is the link to my very first Substack post!

I am going to do my best to import your email addresses to that platform, which will enable you to read all my future posts more easily than forcing me to post in two places. And yes, this is where my command of the technology gets dicey. So I do beg your indulgence and hope you’ll forgive me if you receive some duplicate posts or other annoyances.

Benefits?

If you follow the link to my Substack account, you’ll see that you can simply choose to subscribe for free there and receive my regular posts as I publish them. Will I write a post every single day forever and ever? That’s highly doubtful. But I will be devoted to maintaining frequent connection and communication with you. My intention is to renew my relationship with all of you and share the same type of photos, messages, musings, and myriad other observations that I did while fulfilling my 1111 Devotion commitment. Only now, I’m simply engaging in a Devotion to Paying Attention.

If you choose to become a paying subscriber, you will be actively supporting me and my efforts as I finally get down to writing those sequels I’ve been talking about for twenty years. There was a time when I wondered whether I’d ever feel compelled to tell the rest of the story. This project and my move to Substack is proof that the urge has returned.

But first, I will be posting, chapter by chapter, the content of my spiritual memoir, Owl Medicine. I’m offering this as a benefit to my paid subscribers so you can easily bring yourself “up to speed” and enter the realm of my second book, The Quest, with a clear recollection of the events that had just transpired in our lives. I’d also like to think that reading Owl Medicine again might bring you different insights or new perspectives than you might have experienced when (and if) you read it before.

Back to Paying Attention

I’m offering these sneak-peeks, so to speak, of the chapters of my newest book both for your enjoyment and – pointedly – as an incentive to myself to keep writing. If I promise you chapters, I’m going to deliver! It’s yet another layer of devotion to my readers. Of course, the book as ultimately published will undoubtedly have chapters rearranged, as well as lots of editing applied to my prose. But that could be fun, too. You’ll be watching the evolution of a memoir in real time.

Please join me in paying attention once again, together, to the wonders all around us. Remember: it’s the little things that often make the biggest difference in our lives. We just need to remember to be present, pay attention, and listen.

Standstill – ND #49

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 3 Comments
My most recent copy of The Book of Runes* by Ralph Blum

Standstill

I love when I start a post having no idea where it’s going (indeed, if it’s going anywhere), only to have something quite unexpected spontaneously appear. That’s what happened last night, when I had the image and name of a rune – Isa – ‘Standstill’ – practically show up and do a tap dance on my laptop.

I yearned to write something interesting last night, or at least descriptive of the weird feelings I was having, yet none of my ‘go-to’ divinatory tools appealed to me. I tried a couple of different types of decks and as I sat holding them in my hands, I kept getting a clear, “No.”

And so I sort of wrote around my feelings (which haven’t abated much, yet, I’m sad to report) until – boom! – a very specific rune demanded my mind’s attention.

Runes

I haven’t gone back into my journals today to get specifics, but it is quite possible that Karl and I picked Runes on our walks even before we began choosing Medicine Cards*. I remember buying our first set of Runes (included with The Book of Runes* by Ralph Blum) back at Sagittarius Books. We probably ended up owning half the inventory of that gem of inner transformation tucked away in an alley in New Hope. I can honestly say that bookstore was the lifeline that fed my soul and opened me up to the life I knew I wanted and needed to live. I miss it.

Actually, I’m sure our consistent use of Runes pre-dated our work with the Medicine Cards* because I now recall picking a Rune – Hagalaz – on the day I took a huge tumble, face-first, into a local creek. I wrote about that experience and what unfolded in our lives afterward, in my book, Owl Medicine*.

I guess I’m mentioning all of this because I am fascinated by how I plucked the name of the Rune that appeared in my mind’s eye last night out of thin air – or at least the wisps of memory. It’s been years since I worked with them.

Last Night’s Runic Appearance

While I felt quite certain that just the acknowledgment of the keyword associated with this Rune, Standstill, hit the nail on the head of what I felt I’m experiencing (rather ungracefully), I almost gasped when I once again read the explanation of Isa in The Book of Runes by Ralph Blum. And I have to share it with you:

Isa – Standstill/That Which Impedes/Ice

“The winter of the spiritual life is upon you. You may find yourself entangled in a situation to whose implications you are, in effect, blind. You may be powerless to do anything except submit, surrender, even sacrifice some long-cherished desire. Be patient, for this is the period of gestation that precedes a birth.

Positive accomplishment is unlikely now. There is a freeze on useful activity, all your plans are on hold. You may be experiencing an unaccustomed drain on your energy and wonder why: A chill wind is reaching you over the ice floes of old outmoded habits.

Trying to hold on can result in shallowness of feeling, a sense of being out of touch with life. Seek to discover what it is you are holding onto that keeps this condition in effect, and let go. Shed, release, cleanse away the old. That will bring on the thaw.

Usually Isa requires a sacrifice of the personal, the ‘I.’ And yet there is no reason for anxiety. Submit and be still, for what you are experiencing is not necessarily the result of your actions or habits, but of the conditions of the time against which you can do nothing. What has been full must empty; what has increased must decrease. This is the way of Heaven and Earth. To surrender is to display courage and wisdom.

At such a time, do not hope to rely on help or friendly support. In your isolation, exercise caution and do not stubbornly persist in attempting to work your will. Remain mindful that the seed of the new is present in the shell of the old, the seed of unrealized potential, the seed of the good. Trust your own process, and watch for signs of spring.”

My Take

Whoa. Nailed it. Lots and lots to contemplate.

*affiliate link

(T+49)

Valuable Nuance – Day 1090

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Tonight: Jupiter, Saturn, and Venus (l-r) – Photo: L. Weikel

Valuable Nuance

I mentioned in my post last night that the card underneath my Ace of Air did seem to hold some relevance to the question I’d posed. Indeed, it probably provides some valuable nuance to my query, “What’s next?” My initial focus, of course, was on paying attention to the details of the Ace of Air, the ‘main’ card I selected. I didn’t even allow myself to look at the bottom card until later. So when I did finally glimpse the 10 of Water (from the Witches’ Wisdom Tarot*), I was surprised to see a few personally relevant details popping out right away.

I immediately noticed the Black Panther peeking out at me from the jungle foliage. The energy of Black Panther first showed up in my life (on a noticeably consistent basis) shortly after I published my book, Owl Medicine*. I kept seeing images of them in the weirdest places, including my dreams. To make a long story short (something I actually loathe – give me a good story!), it turned out that Black Panther was a harbinger of my initiation into the Q’ero tradition. Black Panther was my companion as I honored my immersion into shamanism as a calling and way of life.

10 of Water – The Witches’ Wisdom Tarot by Phyllis Curott

A New Path

Black Panther is an ally of mine, particularly with respect to certain shamanic tasks I undertake. Interestingly, Sheila (our first Boston Terrier) ‘told’ me shortly after we adopted her that she was the physical embodiment of my Black Panther. I know that probably sounds weird, but it was a palpable experience – and lasted throughout her life.

Finally, Black Panther showed up in a shamanic journey I took earlier in the day on November 12th, 2011, the day we found out Karl had died the night before. Indeed, Black Panther showed me what had happened before I even had the slightest inkling anything was wrong. (Yet another story.)

Other Details

Another detail that jumped out at me when I looked at this card, beyond the verdant abundance, was the Toucan. It just so happens that the Toucan is intimately related to a Being with whom I interact in the Lower World (Uhupacha), especially when journeying on behalf of clients (as opposed to journeying for myself).

Of course, the myriad (ten, to be exact) Frogs depicted in the card immediately brought to mind my harping on the need to clean out and make space for the next phase in my life. This theme has persistently demanded my attention.

Without even opening the book, my overall sense of the foundation of the message being brought to me was that whatever that Ace of Air is suggesting is my ‘next’ devotion or Act of Power, it may also bring an abundance of flourishing energy and magic.

And then I looked it up in the book that accompanies the deck. The keyword was not what I expected – but it couldn’t have been more perfect.

Patience Personified (or Catified)-Brutus loving Tigger – Photo: L. Weikel

*affiliate link

(T-21)

Parliament of Owls – Day 627

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Great Horned Owl looking for dinner – Photo: L. Weikel

Parliament of Owls

Appropriate in this case? Probably not. But it makes for a good title! While a group of owls is technically referred to as a parliament of owls, I suspect the term probably refers to a group of all the same kind of owls. And that was not our experience last night.

But oh, did we receive a wonderful dose of Owl Medicine*!

It was all because we decided to walk a little later than usual, as I mentioned in last night’s post. What an assortment of surprises unfolded for us. Actually, the experience with the owls unfolded before we crested the hill and noticed Antares lurking beneath the moon, and then Jupiter shining like a beacon in the southwest sky, with Saturn bringing up the rear.

YouTube

I probably would’ve written about the owls first, since they arrived first on the scene, but I have to be honest: I couldn’t write about the owls we encountered without including a link to my recording of the screech owl that was calling to us so emphatically.

And while I did manage to figure out how to upload a video to my (Owl Medicine Shamanic Healing) YouTube account a few weeks ago, when I recorded the Coyotes serenading Comet Neowise, I wasn’t familiar enough with the process to easily upload it last night and write a post.

So I saved the owls for tonight. And yea! Not only did I manage to upload my recording of the screech owl trilling and calling last night, but I also found my photos of Hootie, the screech owl that actually flew into the door of my car as I was driving home one night in the middle of a snowstorm. That’s a story for another day.

Hootie – Hangin’ out in our bathroom, recovering – Photo: L. Weikel

Walking at Dusk

As you can hear here, there was a Screech Owl serenading us as we walked along the forest-lined road last night. I couldn’t see the owl, but I’m glad its voice was captured pretty well by my phone (amidst the background cacophony of crickets and katydids). I hadn’t meant for the flash to light up as I pressed record, and I was surprised it continued to vocalize so nicely even though I was effectively shining a spotlight into its living room.

I fumbled with the phone after recording the above clip and managed to turn off the flash, but the Screech Owl went quiet. I was grateful for what I’d managed to record.

While Karl and I were marveling at how close the owl had sounded, and reminiscing about our time with Hootie, Karl suddenly grabbed my arm and pointed to the other side of the road, the side that opened out onto fields of hay. “Look! That isn’t…,” he began. “Nah. It must be a peace eagle,” he answered himself. (Peace Eagle is what we were taught years ago is another name Native Americans use for vultures.)

My eyes scanned the branches in the vicinity of where he was pointing.

“Oh! I see it!” I whispered. “No – you were right. You thought it was a Great Horned Owl, didn’t you? ‘Cause that’s what it is.”

I could tell for sure it was a Great Horned by the shape of its head.

We were both giddy with the gift of encountering two different kinds of owls in the span of five minutes.

No Hoots

The Great Horned didn’t hoot at us. While I tried to call to it, all I managed to elicit was a sweet 180 degree swivel of its head in my direction. I’m sure it was probably saying to itself, “What the heck? You’re pathetic.”

While I did manage to video it when it finally flew away, it’s not very clear (it was at full zoom), and it isn’t worth uploading.

On our walk tonight, at about the same time of the evening, we were once again privy to a Screech Owl’s mournful call. Sadly, we neither heard nor saw any Great Horned Owls. But we know they’re out there.

Great Horned Owl – Photo: L. Weikel

*affiliate link

(T-484)

Pondering Audiobooks – Day 330

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Hickory nut – Photo: L. Weikel

Pondering Audiobooks      

I’ve read some comments and received some feedback on a few of my posts about reading and the difficulty I sometimes experience giving myself permission to make time (or is it allow time?) to bask in immersing myself in a book. So I’ve been pondering audiobooks.

Of course, a lot of my judgment around taking time to read books stems from unkindness to myself. And here I found myself having to go back to that last sentence and insert the word ‘books’ because, in truth, I spend a great deal of time – every day – reading. I read lots and lots of things every day; plenty of articles and emails, especially.

But books? Pretty much all the books I read are for pleasure. Even when they’re memoir, the reading of which I could (and should) legitimately tell myself is related to my own work as a writer, I still harbor some deep-seated sense that because I derive such pleasure and delight from reading a good book, it’s something I should put off until all my other responsibilities are addressed.

Rather draconian attitude, I know.

Obviously, it’s a big deal for me, since I’ve written about this a number of other times already in the past 11 months. Yet I still struggle with it.

Why Do I Resist Audiobooks?

As I mentioned at the outset of this post, I’ve had some suggest that I listen to books instead of reading them. That I snag time to indulge in books being piped into my head via earphones rather than my own eyes.

There are two primary reasons that suggestion doesn’t hold out a lot of appeal to me, and I’ve actually only just this second realized that they’re actually related.

The first is reflected in this fragment of a sentence: “…I’ve had some suggest that I listen to books…” Hmm. Yes. Precisely. The keyword here is (as is oft the case with me): listen.

Listening is what I do. It’s what I provide as a service to the people who seek me out in almost any capacity. It’s arguably my best attribute as a partner, as a friend, as a family member, as a healer, as an attorney, and basically, as a person. And my listening includes reading and responding to emails and text messages as well as actual verbal exchanges (be they in person or telephonic).

Silence, to Me, Truly Is Golden

Let me be perfectly and unambiguously clear: I love what I do. I love ‘being there’ for whomever needs me. And I wouldn’t trade the privilege of doing so for the world.

But! This also means that when I am driving (not long distances), cooking, washing dishes, and mowing the lawn (probably the four activities I do primarily in silence), I really do truly revel in that silence.

I cherish  my silence.

So the thought of filling those precious moments with more listening holds no appeal.

Long Distance Driving, Though?

Driving long distances is another matter entirely. And I can totally relate to the joy of becoming immersed in a great story as the miles fly by.

Actually, I could easily make the argument that listening to an audiobook while driving long distances is actually so incredibly efficient, it makes the entire endeavor of getting from Point A to Point B a win-win.

Indeed, Karl – who travels extensively with his work – has become completely enamored with ‘Libby.’ I’m not sure if that’s an app or a service provided by local libraries, but it enables him to now devour books as voraciously via his ears as he used to when he was a kid growing up with no television. (No, he isn’t that old. His parents just didn’t believe in tv.)

The funny thing is, as a result of Karl and so many other friends and relatives blowing through tome after tome via the wonders of Audible (etc.) and extolling the virtues of audiobooks, I’m actually in the process of figuring out the best way to record Owl Medicine, so it, too, can be accessed in that manner, as well as paper and e-book.

I’m all for progress. Even if I choose to stay ‘old school’ most of the time.

(T-781)

Of Course It’s Cloudy – Day 306

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Of Course It’s Cloudy!

It’s so frustrating how often it seems to be cloudy outside when a full moon, an eclipse, a meteor shower, or any other such celestial event is taking place.

Mind you, I’ve witnessed some very cool atmospheric and ‘cosmic’ events. So many, I suppose, that I really have no standing to complain. But hey – it’s Friday the 13thand the last time a full moon will take place on this date until I am 90 damn years old.

I would like to have seen it, documented it in my journal, perhaps even made an, albeit woefully inadequate, attempt to snap a shot of it for posterity. But no.

Now I have to do my best to cling to this mortal coil for another 30 years, just so I can point to this cranky-ass blog post and say, “See? I was aware of the last one, and I hung in there another thirty years just to finally SEE this one!”

Another Score for Journaling

One interesting little vignette, though: I checked and found that I did, in fact, make an entry in my journal back on Friday, October 13, 2000. And the very first sentence I wrote was: “FULL MOON (in Aries, no less).” (The ‘no less’ comment was because my sun sign is Aries. Therefore I obviously felt that full moon might be tweaking me a bit more powerfully.)

I didn’t make any reference to the fact that the full moon was also falling on a Friday the 13th. This was early internet days, definitely pre-Google and pre-FB, so the heightened awareness of occurrences like these (and perhaps even more relevantly, their relative either commonplace nature or rarity) were much less well known. I probably didn’t bat an eye at the confluence of these two events. Indeed, had I known that it would not occur again until this day, one month shy of 19 years later, I would have mentioned it in my journal – and pondered what my life might be like all those years in the future.

Twenty Years Ago

I was entering the final stages of publication of Owl Medicine. Good grief, that’s depressing. To think – I published my book that long ago and still haven’t followed up with the sequel(s).

In that entry, I also discuss creating my website, which I initially set up under www.sagebearpress.com. (If you click on that link, you’ll see I’ve kept that name and simply reroute visitors to my Owl Medicine site, which, back then, I was only toying with setting up as a website.

My Reward for the Day: A Reminder

As I’ve found happens more often than I can say, once I went back and started reading my entry for October 13, 2000, I was drawn into indulging my curiosity over what else was going on in our lives and occupying my mind at that time.

And that’s when I discovered quite a surprise.

A week after that Friday the 13th full moon co-incidence, I’d apparently found a bit more time to write in my journal and therefore covered a lot more ground in my entry of October 20th than I had on the 13th.

As background, a year or so earlier, I had scaled down my law practice to a substantial degree in order to focus upon the final stages of writing, editing, and publishing Owl Medicine. Given that OM was nearly ready to ‘hatch,’ I was contemplating my full-bore return to the workforce, and I was weighing whether I wanted to reinvigorate my private law practice or branch into some other (as yet unknown) area.

Without going into the somewhat maudlin self-assessment I was engaged in that day, I have to admit I was astonished to read that I considered “…the stuff I (…) do ‘best’ is listening.”

Of course, I lamented at that time that I probably could never get paid enough to contribute meaningfully to our family’s well-being by just ‘listening.’

Listening – It’s Been the Theme of My Life

What I guess I’m surprised by is how listening has been such a persistent and critically important aspect of my life for so many years. Actually, it’s the underlying theme of my life. And yet – I’m always surprised by how important it’s always been to me.

I wonder why I’m surprised?

All I know is that on this full moon, on this Friday the 13th, I’m deciding to take my love for and commitment to listening to the next level.

(T-805)

Original Owl – Day 163

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“Original Owl” @ Tinicum Elementary – Photo: L. Weikel

Original Owl           

Last week when I attended the program put on by the Penn State Extension Service on the Spotted Lanternfly, I had occasion to visit the new library at Tinicum Elementary School.

All three of our sons attended Tinicum, and I have to say, overall the school provided them with a great start to their academic lives. The teachers, especially, and Mrs. Wessel (who was principal when both Karl and Maximus attended) (Sage was shortchanged by her retirement) made the school one of those idyllic places where everyone knew everybody else’s child, we were a small, tightly knit but respectfully private community, and we all knew our kids came first in everyone’s minds.

So it was with a cloak of nostalgia draped around my shoulders that I walked into the new entrance to Tinicum’s school library to attend the aforementioned bug program.

Once Upon a Time, a Long Time Ago

The old school library used to have a diorama in it, with most of our local fauna represented in living color for the children to see ‘up close and personal.’ As a result, when Karl and I found the Great Horned Owl that ultimately became the ‘star’ of my book, Owl Medicine, we had it stuffed by a local taxidermist and donated it to the school.

 

At the time of that donation, actually, only Karl was a student at Tinicum. Maximus was in preschool and Sage wasn’t even a blip on our radar yet. Wow. So long ago it almost seems like another life.

Anyway, I’d heard (and could see from the outside) that major renovations had been done to the school and that the diorama had been dismantled. I worried that they’d done something with our owl, but did not have the heart to go look. I just knew it would make me too sad to contemplate it if the owl had been ‘disposed of.’

(Not to mention the fact that in order to get anywhere near the school anymore, you practically have to have six different forms of ID and a notarized note from your mother to gain entry. It is stunning to me the difference between how accessible our school was ‘back then’ compared to the lock-down status most schools keep themselves in now. That loss should go on my list of ‘topics for another day.’)

Waves of Nostalgia and a Sense of Continuity

Which leads me back to last week, when I entered the library and almost immediately noticed “our” owl swooping into the library from the back, in the wonderful pose we’d chosen for it. Warm feelings of nostalgia and continuity swept over me when I caught sight of our very personal and beloved contribution to our elementary school.

Truth be told, relief also swept over me. I’m so glad it’s still keeping a watchful eye on the children.

Seeing it again –such a handsome, majestic bird – and fully appreciating the profound impact finding this bird had on my life, is rather astonishing.

Yet Another Lesson on the Importance of Listening

As I described in my book, I knew when I saw a Great Horned Owl hanging upside down at the side of the road, its lifeless body dangling from a grapevine wrapped around one of its legs, that this discovery was important. It meant something bigger than just a tragic avian mishap.

I can tell you with complete honesty, though, that never in a million years would I have believed you if you told me I would eventually write a book called Owl Medicine and also name my shamanic healing practice Owl Medicine Shamanic Healing. (Indeed – if you’d told me at that stage of my life that I would become a shamanic practitioner I would’ve either laughed in your face or looked at you as if you had two heads.)

But here we are.

Here I am, writing this blog entitled “Ruffled Feathers” on my website (also named after our owl). My sons are men. Karl-the-younger is gone (or is he?), and Karl and I are still taking walks – every day – past the exact spot where we found that owl 28 years ago.

Kind of amazing.

(T-948)

Waiting – Day Sixty Three

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments
Photo by kids.nationalgeographic.com

Waiting

Man, waiting has to be one of the hardest things to do. Because, obviously, it requires us to not do. And for people who have been taught that not doing is lazy, uninspired, weak, or somehow obviously lacking in the qualities that make one a ‘winner,’ waiting can feel like torture.

Waiting requires patience and, to a certain extent, faith. Faith that in making the conscious decision to step back from activity, from taking action or doing something to change a situation in some tangible, affirmative way (move it forward, take it in a different direction, bring in a new catalyst), you are in fact ‘doing’ the right thing.

And that’s the tricky part, isn’t it?

Doing by not doing?

And Yoda Says…

Sounds so zen and new age-y. Or for those of us who love Star Wars, Yoda-like.

But there’s a huge wisdom to the concept. (Which, duh, is why Yoda espoused it.) And because our society positively reveres action, striving, leaning into, hurdling over, and winning!, waiting can feel like losing. Or giving up.

It can feel like suicide.

So when we’re asked to wait – by other people, institutions, circumstances, or Spirit – we can actually feel more stressed over standing down than we would if we were given a task universally thought to be impossible to achieve. Because doing is better than not doing. Because when asked to do the impossible, we rise to the challenge like starving goldfish to the fish food dispenser. Because even if we fail to achieve that (impossible) goal, if we tried really hard, if we did our best, if we gave it our all, then at least we couldn’t be blamed for not succeeding. Right?

In an informal survey of people close to me, there are a startlingly large number of people being asked to wait as we begin living our version of 2019. I can think of at least a dozen people I know (myself being one of them) being asked – no, directed – to be patient. To wait.

Perhaps we are being asked to allow the rest of the world to catch up to us.

Perhaps the circumstances that we will need to make the most out of the idea we’re percolating, or the deal we know is perfect, haven’t fallen into place yet. Maybe we don’t even know yet what those missing pieces are. And maybe we will never know.

We Need to Trust

Yet they need to fall into place for the rest of our vision to come into being. If we don’t know what they are, but they’re essential to the ‘mission,’ then we need to trust. And wait.

Maybe we’re being asked to give ourselves the opportunity to muster our inner and/or outer resources so that when it comes time to deploy them, they are fully replenished and abundantly accessible and renewable. So we wait.

My point is that we simply Do. Not. Know. And it’s an illusion to always think we know best; that we know how things are supposed to unfold. We know what comes next in our Grand Plan.

If this dance with doing/not doing feels uncomfortably familiar, I feel you.

Last year, on New Year’s Day 2018, Karl and I chose our Medicine Cards like we do every other day. But of course, when we choose on New Year’s Day we accord it special meaning. We ascribe to that pick our theme for the year.

A Prairie Dog Year – Last Year

In 2018, I chose Prairie Dog/Raven.

Prairie Dog’s key word is Retreat. And Raven’s key word is Magic.

To be honest, I was psyched. Toward the end of 2017, I’d started getting the feeling that 2018 was going to be the year I finally, finally stopped talking about it and devoted my time to digging deep into writing the sequel to Owl Medicine.

Good Goddess. I’ve only known the essence of that sequel since I lived it a million years ago.

But it didn’t happen. Instead, it was a really rough year for us in a myriad of ways. It took a lot of my focus to just keep us on track and our eyes forward. There was not a lot of opportunity to give myself the inner seclusion I need to write. No opportunity to retreat – at least, in the way I had envisioned I would, or for the purpose I assumed.

Eventually I had to let go of my certainty that 2018 was the year of writing my next book. (Indeed, I’m so damn tired of even thinking there will be a sequel, I hesitate to even bring it up here.)

I was forced to wait. And wait some more. And pivot. Put out fires. Dance around and make things work, but wait on the urge to complete my manuscript. My work was to keep our collective act together and wait for the Universe to move things – people and opportunities –  I had not notion of a year ago into place that would allow forward movement when the time was right.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I picked my cards for 2019.

(T-1048)

Photo: defendersblog.org

I Got Nothin’ – Day Fifty Nine

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I Got Nothin’

I’ve shown up every night for 59 days, trusting I would have something to write about. But tonight? I got nothing’. I know I said at the very beginning of this 1111 Devotion journey that there might be days when I would write one sentence and that would have to suffice.

But I hoped it wouldn’t actually come to that.

And I guess it hasn’t literally come to that today, either, since I’ve obviously written more than one sentence. (Umm, yea for me?)

Get Out Of Jail Free Card

So I’m in the clear. I’ve saved myself from using my Get Out Of Jail Free card tonight.

Which makes me wonder: How many GOOJF cards do I get in the 1111 Devotion? Since I’m making up the rules as I go along, I’d say 111 seems fair. Ten percent. What do you think?

In the grand scheme of things, that might appear reasonable (10%). But wow. Looking at it from the perspective that 10% would give me 111 whole, actual, days of only writing one sentence seems crazily over the top. That’s just shy of four months if I strung them all together.

Funny how perspective can shift everything, isn’t it?

That’s the cool thing about shamanic work, actually. (Bet you didn’t see that correlation coming out of left field, did you?)

Perception and Perspective

But it’s true. So much of what we experience in our day-to-day lives and in our world in general is rooted in our perceptions. And as we learn and grow more adept at shifting our perception, we actually gain the ability to begin shifting our reality in ways we might never have imagined.

And part of how we perceive anything is the perspective from which we look at it. But obviously, before we can shift our perspective, we have to realize what our present one is. How are we looking at something? Is it from a place of fear? Of feeling magnanimous and abundant? Is it from a place of feeling centered and at peace?

There are those varying perspectives we can consider, and then there are different levels of perception we can employ to shift our reality. But again, we first have to train ourselves to become aware of the different levels so we can identify what one we are looking at or perceiving from at any given moment.

So here I am, starting a conversation on how important both perspective and differing levels of perception can completely influence our experience of ‘reality.’ And I’m also suggesting that shamanic work can result in dramatic shifts in not only our perceptions, and perspectives, but also our realities.

That’s some pretty heady stuff to be contemplating right around midnight. Or the crack of dawn, if that’s when you’re reading this.

Checking Our Perspective – Occasionally

Just think about it. If you were told you had only one more month to live, would you look at anything the same way as you are in this present moment? That’s a radical question to ask any of us to contemplate, even if it might be some people’s actual reality. And we might be inclined to judge it as just a dumb intellectual exercise, since it can feel like we are bullshitting ourselves if we really try to imagine looking at ourselves from the perspective of knowing we only have one more month (or week, or day) to live.

But I do think it is helpful, sometimes, to take a personal re-set. To really sit down and think about how we are choosing to perceive our life, our circumstances, our relationships, and even our world, at any given time. Are we looking at these things from the default perspective that ‘things will never change?’ That, it seems to me, is an even greater bullshitting of ourselves than the former.

Ha ha – maybe I should’ve stopped at that one sentence and let things be.

Naaah. I still have 111 in my back pocket. Or do I?

(T-1052)

Hoarding or Holding? – Day Forty Eight

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 4 Comments

Hoarding or Holding?

I’m struggling a bit.

I’ve been fantasizing for a few years about cleaning out what we call our ‘office’ and making it a place where Karl can paint and I – possibly, occasionally (probably never) – might read or write especially when I need some sunshine in the winter.

The reason I’ve been relegated to fantasizing about this for at least the last couple of years is because it entails going through files. And I am nothing if not exceedingly organized, with a file for everything – and occasionally a couple for the same thing. Also called inadvertent redundancy.

Filing Cabinet of Life Events

I started this post out with the intention of reflecting on that razor’s edge upon which I slip and slide (and often cut myself) when going through filing cabinets that seem to hold the history of our life as a family. You see, there is a filing cabinet I’ve moved from law office to law office, with a final resting place in my home office. For many years, it held my active legal files. Then as the kids got into high school and college, it started holding inoculation records, academic awards, test results, and newspaper clippings. Files were created for traffic tickets and leases, contracts and resumés. Some of the legal intermingled with the personal: my parents’ estate files, for instance.

Well, it’s time to move the filing cabinet out of the ‘office’ in order to transform the room into a studio. Studios don’t have filing cabinets. Ok, maybe some do. But not in this house.

And that’s not to say that I don’t have an effective filing system that is shifting to the ‘library annex’ mentioned in one of my previous posts. Nope; given that I’m the one that keeps all the records of all our businesses and family and home life, they’re of course moving with me to said ‘library annex.’ But I’m cleaning out that filing cabinet.

And I’ve been steadfastly refusing to clean that baby out for years now, precisely because of the nature of the files that made their way into it.

Without Proof Does a Life Disappear?

So today, I found myself in tears. Damn it; didn’t want to go there. I’m stuck, feeling the dilemma of deciding what to do with the files documenting Karl’s applications to colleges in 1999. His exchange experience in Norway. His grades at NYU; the details of his management contract in California and NYC. There’s so much history in those files.

Poor Sage – home for the holidays and eager to help me shift the life of the room to a studio… He checked on me at one point and realized I had tears running down my face, ridiculously wondering out loud if I threw stuff away that documented these milestones, would that erase all proof that Karl had existed?

And so I am left with that nagging question of how much to save and how much to feed the shredder.

I’m not inclined to scan this stuff, so that’s not an option. It will either survive as a real-life, tangible document, or it will be gone. <<Poof>> Just like he was. Just like we all are. From documents to artwork to green eyes and dazzling smiles.

Where’s the Edge?

So what is the edge between hoarding the memories in an unhealthy manner and holding on to some aspects of life as evidence for our future ancestors to literally hold and turn over in their hands? And why or for whom do I do either? Or neither?

Sometimes I wish I could just throw it all out with abandon. And then I think about the thousands of people who’ve lost everything in fire, flood, or other disaster, and I’m grateful for the torture these choices represent.

(T-1063)