I had to go out the other day to do a grocery run to a special store I haven’t been to in almost eight weeks. It was the first time I’ve been in my car for a while, so I was enjoying just driving along listening to the songs on my iPhone, when a timely question was posed from an unexpected source.
Some Background
When I used to drive the Grey Ghost (aka Good Girl), I would listen to my iPod all the time. Remember, Good Girl was so old (2005) that she hadn’t come with a standard connection to electronic devices. She had a cassette tape deck and a CD player. So a few years later, my guys bought me an upgraded speaker system and a connection to my iPod for my birthday or Mother’s Day, I can’t remember which. But I do know I made very good use of it.
It wasn’t until Karl died, though, that I started listening to my iPod with it set on ‘random.’ I have a collection of well over 3,000 songs I’ve accumulated over the past 15 years or so, most contributed by my three sons. After losing Karl, I was so numb I couldn’t make a choice of what to listen to if my life depended on it. So I set it on random.
And that’s when I discovered his easiest – and most effective – means of communicating with me.
Quick Search
I just did a quick search of all my blog posts and I apparently have never written about this before. I’m astonished. Honestly, I thought for sure that I’d shared this cherished aspect of my life with all of you already.
Well, realizing this at this late stage of the game makes me see that I need to write about this in more depth another time.
The point of tonight’s post, though, was to share with you a song Karl brought to my attention yesterday, when I was in the car. As usual, I was sort of half listening to what was playing and then drawn up suddenly when I realized what the lyrics were actually saying.
It’s not just the question posed by the title of the song. It’s the lyrics as a whole and their eerie applicability to the precise situation we’re facing globally. Right now.
Turns out the song was published in 1970. Huh. Who’d have thought Chicago would be so prescient?
As soon as I realized what the lyrics were saying, I knew I wanted to share the song – and the timely question – with all of you. Because I feel this is precisely what we all need to contemplate and decide.
The fate of our country, and quite possibly the world, relies on us getting this right. And I can’t help but feel Karl sees all of this from a different perspective – and is making an effort to get our attention.
Life after death? No, I’m not going to write about an experience I may have had that convinced me that life here on Earth does not end when our physical bodies stop working. And yes, I’ve had enough experiences – direct experiences – with people who no longer reside within a body to know this is not simply wishful thinking.
And no, I’m not going to write about what transpired today in our national political arena. Although if I’m honest, there were a handful of people who made remarkably powerful and courageous decisions and expressed themselves most eloquently in acting on those choices. I may write about them some other day, because their actions and words were inspiring and gave me hope that all is not lost in our country.
No, this post is dedicated to Good Girl a/k/a the Grey Ghost – my 2005 Prius. She of the Red Triangle of Death posts. I don’t even think I wrote about the fact that she had her odometer replaced after it got stuck at 299,999. I needed a new odometer installed in order to pass inspection last year!
Mourning
Yes, I know. Assigning anthropomorphic characteristics to ‘inanimate’ objects may seem ridiculous. But driving in a car every day for 15 years, having this vehicle be the common denominator of so many profound life experiences: commuting to Philadelphia (when I wasn’t taking my beloved Septa train!) when I worked at the Women’s Law Project, rendezvousing with son Karl at the Clinton bus station at all hours as he attended NYU and afterward, driving to and from the University of Chicago for another son’s educational adventures, trips to Penn State and Susquehanna University, going on vacation to Cape Cod, innumerable trips, near and far, to soccer games, musicals, and track meets, both high school and collegiate…these experiences leave a mark. We had a relationship.
Yes, Good Girl, a/k/a the Grey Ghost, has seen me through a ton of life experiences. I distinctly remember getting into her after receiving the call from my husband Karl telling me that our son had died. I remember sitting in her, beside the creek (my beloved Tohickon) innumerable times over the past 15 years – but I particularly recall the moment I sat in her, facing the Tohickon, and calling my niece, Ellen, to tell her Karl was gone. I don’t know why I remember that particular conversation, but it remains seared in my mind. Every time I pass the specific spot in which I parked, I recall that conversation.
I remember picking Karl up one time after a particularly hard time he’d had while in NYC. I could feel his misery as we crossed the bridge from Frenchtown, NJ into Pennsylvania. He loathed his predicament at that moment in time. I felt it then and I remember it distinctly now.
Honoring Her Time
More recently, I remember her freaking me out with the Red Triangle of Death midway on my journey as I drove the 12 hour trek from North Carolina to Pennsylvania. But even more amazingly, I remember her mysteriously refraining from blaring the RT of D after I asked her to just get me home that evening and not strand me 350 miles from nowhere.
My Grey Ghost, my trusty companion on so many journeys both physical and otherwise, started giving me signals upon entering 2020. I knew her ticks and groans. I could tell when things weren’t right. And a couple of times, recently, she hesitated. She caught her breath ever so slightly and I wondered if I’d have to pull over and give her Last Rites on the side of Route 611.
The service people at Thompson Toyota were gentle with both Grey Ghost and me, replenishing her fluids and giving her boosts of automotive energy cocktails that kept her going for just a little bit longer. Alas, her head gasket would cost too much to replace. It was only a matter of time. She was, in her own way, placed on her own form of hospice.
I listened to my Good Girl. I knew she didn’t want to strand me somewhere. I could feel her time was perilously close. Indeed, once I registered that feeling deep within my bones, I had to act upon it; I cleaned her out. All of my reusable grocery bags and the couple of blankets I had in the back in case of emergency were brought into the house. All the kitschy stuff I’d accumulated over the years and stuffed into the glove box or console compartment: cleaned out. I even removed the EZ Pass from its Velcro nest at the crest of my windshield.
Within a day, the perfect replacement manifested itself. You can’t make this stuff up.
Resurrection
Best of all, my Good Girl, my Grey Ghost – instead of giving up the ghost, will be given the unique opportunity to become bionic. To resurrect herself in a way almost no other vehicles ever get the chance to do.
It just so happens that our family’s trusted mechanic expressed a desire to have a Prius of his own to tinker with. He happened to mention this to Karl quite randomly (as if!) within days of my decision to replace Good Girl. Our mechanic is amazingly brilliant with cars. He wants to figure out how to make a regular Prius (which is a hybrid) an all-electric vehicle.
It was too great a resolution to pass up. My Grey Ghost would get a chance at resurrection, and we could give a guy whose kept so many of our vehicles running and on the road over the years a chance to indulge his curiosity and creativity. Win/win.
Not many cars, especially those with 312,856 miles on them, get to dodge the crusher and perhaps – just maybe – get a chance to become bionic. But my Good Girl, my Grey Ghost, just might live to see another day: gain life after death – resurrected.
I have to admit, this week feels a tad interminable.
While I did get some things crossed off my list today, including taking our huge comforter to the laundromat to exorcise it of what appeared to be some rancid dog or cat barf (probably deposited in hostile protest to our being away for several days), I’m feeling a little stressed by the re-acclimation process.
For instance, I’m having a hard time remembering what day it is.
More CLEs In My Future
Tomorrow I head back to Philadelphia for more CLE (Continuing Legal Education). Over the course of the next two days I’ll be brushing up on my familiarity with mediation, with an eye toward application of these skills in the context of Parenting Coordination.
I’ll admit it: I’m a little leery about driving all the way into Center City in the Grey Ghost. Although I have to tell you: she passed inspection! And I drove her home from the Toyota ‘spa’ today and the Red Triangle of Death (RT of D) didn’t come on even once!
In fact, I was so excited to think she still might have some spunk in her that I set up an appointment for Friday to have her ‘ass put back in place.’ Remember when I displayed my Herculean strength and pulled the entire rear entry assembly off the back of her a couple months ago?
Yes, well, the duct tape has been holding the ass-embly on quite ably, but I’ve been crunched by not being able to open the trunk of the car since then. Time to get it fixed if Toyota really feels they’ve fixed the RT of D (and engine light) issue.
So I’ll probably take the 7:00 a.m. train tomorrow.
Dropped the Grey Ghost (she of the Red Triangle of Death fame) off at the Toyota dealership today. She’s going to get a good once-over.
She’s been driving me to distraction lately (while nevertheless continuing to drive me to my destinations, thankfully). But I promised her about ten days ago that I would take her back to her Makers.
Ha ha.
No, seriously; I did promise I’d take her back to the place where we bought her and let them go over her carefully before making any rash moves.
So this is her spa-time.
I Need Spa-Time Too
I have to say, I’m still not feeling quite back to myself yet. I don’t know if it’s a hangover from the events of last Friday or if I’m just picking up on some seriously freaked out vibes ‘in the ethers’ over, well, everything that’s going on in the world. I have to say, I cannot remember ever feeling this anxious over such an extended period of time. (And by that I mean a couple of days as opposed to hours. I do not tend to be an anxious person, luckily for me.)
Hopefully I’m just wound a little tight right now.
I’ll keep you posted.
Here’s hoping the Grey Ghost (a/k/a ‘Good Girl’) still has another 92,000 miles in her. (I’d love her to make it to 400,000!)
