grace

Change of Seasons – Day 1060

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White Wildflowers – Photo: L. Weikel

Change of Seasons

Is it the change of seasons that’s making me so tired every night? The past several evenings I’ve found myself struggling to keep my eyes open and my thoughts coherent. It’s been a bit frustrating because I’ve been feeling enthusiastic and eager to throw myself into some new adventures and projects – during the day – but as soon as Karl goes to bed, it’s as if I’m covered in a haze of pixie dust that immediately puts me to sleep.

It’s weird. And I have to say: it throws me off.

Another thing I notice particularly since the equinox on September 22nd:  the evening light has not been romantically taking its time, gradually fading. No. It actually feels more like an old-fashioned bank clerk abruptly pulling the shade on their service window. It’s as if the darkness descends suddenly and all at once.

It’s unsettling.

Recent Musings

If you’ve been reading my posts lately, you know I’ve been pondering how I would react to knowing my time here on Earth was going to end in the easily foreseeable future. A variety of occurrences in my orbit of friends and family have catalyzed such musings.

One person, someone I can truthfully only call an acquaintance, is Ellen Fein. I met Ellen tangentially through an online group comprised of people who’ve attended a Taos Writing Retreat with Jen Louden. It’s a testament to Jen as a retreat facilitator, the vulnerability of writing itself, or perhaps even the magic of Taos Mountain how many of us have remained in touch and actually feel we know each other quite well after only spending a short week together.

And some of us never actually met in person because we attended the Taos Retreat in different years. But that didn’t matter. Obviously. There was something about Ellen and her comments and musings, her voice, her attitude toward life that resonated with me so deeply that I’m honestly hard put to say whether we ever met in person. I feel like we must have. And yet…

Anyway, Ellen revealed to us (her writing community), a few months ago at the most, that after a period of remission for some years, she was experiencing a recurrence of cancer and kidney disease that did not bode well. As a result of her life’s work, she decided to share with us the process of her conscious and gradual letting go.

Photo: L. Weikel

Grace

Oddly (or perhaps not so oddly), she was very much on my mind as I was grieving Spartacus’s sudden demise. Wondering how she was, and feeling that perhaps she was on the brink of crossing over as well, I looked for her on FB to no avail. I tried to find her blog posts without success. And then just the other day (all my days seem to have run together lately), I saw the publication of Ellen’s final post – with a postscript by her daughter. I saw that she’d passed away the day after Spartacus – just after that powerful full moon and a day before the change of seasons, the equinox.

There’s honestly nothing I can say here that adds anything to the conversation. I would instead ask you to read Ellen’s last three posts. Her grace, humor, and beautiful soul shine through and speak for themselves.

You can find them here. May she be an inspiration to all of us.

(T-51)

Unexpected Love – Day 873

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It’s the Little Things – Photo: L. Weikel

Unexpected Love

This hasn’t been the easiest week. There have been worries. ‘Issues’ have arisen – some unexpectedly, some foreseen yet unavoidable. And as always, the challenge is to meet the curveballs with as much grace as you can muster. And in my experience, it’s always easier to muster the grace when a little unexpected love appears in your life.

My emotions have felt like they’re back on the elementary school playground taking a ride on the swings. Remember those swings that would pinch your behind because the seat was made out of a flat piece of black rubber about half an inch thick? And when you sat on it and started pumping your legs, the rubber would sort of squish your legs and rear end together really hard until you couldn’t stand it one moment longer and had to jump off?

Yeah.

I don’t know why, but that’s how I felt this week. Like I wanted to ride high into the sky and feel free but the damn seat was too pinchy and it just wasn’t worth it.

And that’s when a little unexpected love was sent my way.

Ordinary Dinner

While Karl and I got caught up in doing necessary stuff this afternoon, we did manage to get out for a walk before the sun set completely. Yikes, it was cold. But the chill managed to propel us to complete our two mile walk-around in record speed. There was no tarrying on this walk. No impromptu photos of superlative cloud formations. Not much conversation, either.

We decided to have a simple dinner. A ‘big salad’ would fit the bill. As I prepared it, Karl busied himself with other tasks. The animals all gathered under foot; you’d think I hadn’t fed them earlier. Everybody seemed to want something. No creature in our household was satisfied. Emotions were tender.

There was a strange vibe to the air.

As I put the finishing touches on the salad, I peeled a final hard boiled egg.

Lo and behold. A little bit of love. A reminder to stop my mindless internal bitching and embrace the love and appreciation I have for all the blessings in my life.

A little unexpected Egg Love. May some drop into all your baskets this weekend.

(T-238)

Beauty and Grace – Day 821

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Vast Winter Sky – Photo: L.Weikel

Beauty and Grace

Beauty and grace. Remember those two words? They jumped off the page of The Ocean Oracle’s lwb (little white book) that accompanies the deck when I looked up the message conveyed by the Resilience card that appeared yesterday. I shuffled the deck and shuffled again, all the while keeping the Senate trial foremost in my mind – asking for guidance for us all.

And as we know, ‘Sea Heather – Resilience’ was the card that appeared as our watchword.

To be honest, I could easily see how we as a people will need to be resilient in the face of the absurdity we’re going to be asked to accept as legitimate legal argument. Indeed, with respect to our republic as a whole, this definition of resilience from Dictionary.com sets the bar:

“3. the ability of a system or organization to respond to or recover readily from a crisis, disruptive process, etc.”

We’re being asked to respond to and recover readily from an insurrection incited by our own president in a desperate bid to retain power by use of mob violence; an insurrection waged upon our very system of government unlike anything since the Civil War itself.

It’s obvious how our resilience as a nation is being tested.

But Beauty and Grace?

Which brings me back to the sentence that haunted the edges of my mind since I wrote my post last night. “Let your beauty and grace shine through in even the most extreme environments.”

I had a feeling I knew where that beauty and grace might shine through. They are not words that would readily leap to mind in a Senate trial based upon an insurrection in which seven people have lost their lives and hundreds have sustained injuries – many horrific.

But there it was. Beauty and grace. The initial closing argument of Rep. Jamie Raskin (D – Maryland), the lead Impeachment Manager of the House of Representatives, on the simple question of the Constitutionality of the Senate hearing this case, exemplified the essence of these two words. His belief in the resilience of our form of government, his obvious and heartfelt love for our nation and his belief in the principles and integrity upon which it was founded couldn’t have been more eloquently stated.

Beauty and grace. Resilience personified.

And yet? Forty four Senators voted as if they had not listened to a single word.

If accountability is what we require for our nation to sustain its resilience, my heart is hurting this night. Our future is in the balance.

(T-290)

Love, Hope, and Light – Day 648

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Rays of Light – Photo: L. Weikel

Love, Hope, and Light

What an exceptional capstone to a remarkably challenging and unconventional Democratic Convention. I can honestly say that even four years ago, I don’t think I would’ve believed I’d hear so many politicians use the concepts of love, hope, and light, as the fundamental and most powerful arguments for their case to the American public.

Most shocking of all, to me, is the unabashed hue and cry for more love. Love for our country. Love for each other. Just typing these words makes my heart quicken and my breath catch in my throat.

I’ll admit it. I was a little nervous that Joe Biden would falter or come across as lackluster or perhaps lagging just half a beat off this evening. Perhaps this was because I heard him speak in Philadelphia back in September at the first ever Workers’ Presidential Summit, and while his sincerity was unquestionable (and his experience unassailable), he seemed tired. And maybe he was. I, for one, do not know how any of the candidates managed to criss-cross the nation and maintain the energy and enthusiasm called for to address tens, hundreds, and thousands of people day in and day out.

Clarity, Courage, and Fire

But when all was said and done, Joe got it done. And I guess that’s what being a leader for the times is all about. It’s doing what needs to be done when the moment presents itself. It’s seizing the opportunity when the gauntlet is thrown and coming through not only for yourself but for everyone who yearns for clarity, courage, and the fire to fight for all of us.

Speaking of clarity, courage, and fire, I doubt there was anyone who watched 13 year old Brayden Harrington metaphorically walk on a bed of hot coals in front of the entire nation (and probably not a small part of the entire world) and was not blown away by his unbelievable courage and grace. That segment spoke volumes about the character of both Joe Biden and Brayden Harrington, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget the powerful impact it made on me.

Rays of Hope and Light

I don’t have words that can improve upon this evening’s final speech. So I just want to leave you with this quote:

“Let us begin, you and I, together. One nation under God, united in our love for America, united in our love for each other. For love is more powerful than hate; hope is more powerful than fear; and light is more powerful than dark.

This is our moment. This is our mission.

May history be able to say that the end of this chapter of American darkness began here – tonight.”

– Joseph Biden

May it be be so.

Rays of Hope – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-463)

Ocean Oracle – Day 604

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Atlantic Ocean – Photo: L. Weikel

Ocean Oracle

It’s summertime (in the Northern Hemisphere, that is), a time of the year when many of us make a pilgrimage to the ocean if we’re not lucky enough to live near one. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, or the Arctic* (since in fact there is only one ocean on Earth). The simple truth is that humans flock to the ocean for inspiration, rejuvenation, and relaxation. Thus I’m drawn to consult The Ocean Oracle created by Susan Marte, for some insight.

I mentioned quite a while ago that I thought I might consult various oracles now and again to give us some guidance through these confusing, turbulent, and increasingly unbelievable times we’re experiencing. It’s been weird: while I thought it was a great idea at the time, I’ve repeatedly felt a resistance to choosing from the myriad decks and other tools that are a part of my library. So I just go with the flow. And tonight, for whatever reason, I was nudged to pull some cards for us from The Ocean Oracle.

Point of Focus

I keep wanting to choose three cards for a wide-ranging discussion on what we need to contemplate over the next several days in order to get the most out of what will be unfolding in the world. But I feel a push back.

My own thoughts aside, I feel like I’m only supposed to choose one card for us to use as a Point of Focus. So I’m going to choose one card while holding the following question in my mind:

What do we all need to hold as our Point of Focus in order to gain the most benefit out of the next several days:

Ocean Oracle 39 – Stingray (Flow) – Susan Marte

 

Stingray – Flow

I think we can all relate to how this may be sound advice for us all to heed. We’re going to need to flow with whatever is thrown at us over the next few days (or weeks and months, for all we know). It’s easy enough for all of us to ‘intuit’ what this card is telling us. My sense is that we will want to keep repeating the mantra to ourselves, “Just go with the flow. Keep flowing. Don’t get caught up in the drama of others, because now – right now – our point of focus must be to go with the flow.”

As Susan Marte, the creator of the deck and a dear friend of mine, so beautifully states in the booklet that accompanies this unique and beautiful deck, “(…) You are the grace and ease and flow of the stingray as you navigate life’s waters.” 

Note: I just want to point out that I wrote that second paragraph, above, before I chose the card on our behalf. So I had to laugh – when faced with the sense that I wasn’t supposed to do things the way I first ‘thought’ I was going to, instead of balking and forcing things, I chose to ‘go with the flow.’

I’m guessing I’ll need to keep that up. We all will.

*There may be less actual flocking when it comes to the Arctic Ocean, but I’m sure it happens.

(T-507)

Didn’t See That – Day 538

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Angel’s Wings – Photo: L. Weikel

Didn’t See That

Walking this early evening was a particularly spectacular treat. The setting sun toyed with the clouds that cascaded across the sky and created moment after moment that demanded our attention. I would try to swear off taking any further photos, only to relent to the temptation time after time. One particular effort, though, yielded a photo that simply didn’t resemble what we were observing. “I didn’t see that, did you?” I asked Karl when I showed him the photo on my iPhone’s screen.

We both looked up at the sky, the clouds arcing across the sky before us. Then we looked down at my iPhone. Nope. Not the same.

Angel’s Wings

There a chance that even transferring the image to a larger screen (such as a laptop or desktop) will wreck the effect of what we both saw within moments of each other – and that’s the angel’s wings.

To both of us, the photo seemed to clearly reflect wings high above us, holding, protecting, and shielding us (and all our neighbors – indeed, the entire world) from harm. But when we simply looked at the sky, all we saw was the initial beauty that had warranted taking the photo in the first place.

We kept looking back and forth between the actual sky and the photograph. It was as if an angelic or higher force is trying to keep us protected and centered, but chooses to remain anonymous. And it was only through the perspective afforded by the camera’s unique lenses that revealed the support hidden in plain sight.

And regardless of the objective ‘truth’ of unseen protection, it is a comforting thought sometimes to think that it might occur, especially when so many people are refusing to take responsibility for themselves (and all of us). When everything else has failed, there is a power in allowing our imagination to ease our stress even just a notch or two, simply by bolstering a sense that a higher power is protecting us from the most dangerous among us.

Even the most cynical among us cannot dispute the research that establishes that stress makes us more vulnerable to illness and other maladies. Surely feeling that there’s some unseen protection can bolster our immune systems even a little bit?

At the very least, it made us smile.

Sunset Spectacular

About a mile of our walk later, we crested a hill and encountered a sunset of epic beauty. Perhaps it’s a result of all the rain we’ve had lately, but wow. In spite of the reality of the astonishing number of deaths occurring in our country and across the world, it is indisputably easier – at least for a few short moments – to disengage the clutch that always has our minds in gear and allow ourselves to simply get lost in the unspeakable beauty of a moment.

Everything about this evening has been exquisite. The song of the frogs and peepers, the brilliance of the first quarter moon and Venus, the darting and dives of bats freeing themselves from the confines of their homes (perhaps our attics?) as they lunge after mosquitos and other winged morsels.

Yes. For just a moment or two, or maybe even an hour or two if we were lucky, it was possible to imagine that this pandemic was a very grotesque dream. Of course, indulging in such an imaginary experience is only possible if we are lucky enough not to be in the throes of grief; of feeling the oppressive loss of someone we love to this killer virus.

But if we can, if we can find those moments when we can immerse ourselves in the magic that may be accidentally revealed to us every now and again, then maybe we can also find the grace to carry on one more day of ‘physical distancing’ while embracing ‘spiritual union’ with All That Is. You may initially think, “I didn’t see that.” But when it’s revealed, you’ll know; and feel all the stronger for it.

Sunset 2 May 2020 – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-573)

What’s the Message? – Day 264

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I Better Pay Attention

Anyone who makes an effort to pick Medicine Cards®on a regular basis knows how odd – but almost always significant – it is to go weeks or months or perhaps even longer without choosing a particular card, only to suddenly begin doing so. And it’s even weirder when you start choosing that card repeatedly, whether it be ‘on the top’ (meaning it’s the primary card you chose) or ‘on the bottom’ (meaning it’s literally the card on the bottom of the deck no matter where in the deck you chose your ‘main’ card from). The ‘bottom’ card is used to add context or sometimes a hint or clue as to what area in your life to which the main card might apply.

Well, over the past week, I chose Swan for the first time in a very, very long time. Specifically, the first time, I chose Swan/Weasel. Then I chose it again today. Swan/Skunk.

Two days before the first time I chose Swan (six days ago), Skunk started showing up, too. Indeed, Skunk showed up two days before Swan appeared, then for two days running a few days later, then one last time again – today.

My apologies if this seems a bit ‘in the weeds.’ My point is to show that Swan has not been an integral player in my life for a very long time, nor has Skunk – but now they’re both showing up. And I think I better pay attention. So I do…

Spirit’s Not So Sure

I assert (to myself, to Spirit) that I’m paying attention; I’m ‘all good,’ and indeed, I’m doing just fine thank you very much.

Yes, hmm. Swan has shown up in my life. OK. I’m supposed to ‘trust’ and ‘surrender’ – perhaps even literally journey for myself (as opposed to all the journeying I do on behalf of clients), in order to determine what my ‘next steps’ are.

I wrote about it a bit in my journal. But I’ll confess: I did not write much. I was sort of blowing it off; thinking I knew what it was driving at. Assuming. Indeed, I was acting as if I knew, at least superficially, what message Swan was bringing me.

Smack Upside the Head

Imagine my surprise, then, the other day, when I was sitting by the creek writing in my journal, when the following vision appeared before my eyes:

Special Delivery Messenger? – Photo: L. Weikel

I’ll be honest: this felt pretty freaking momentous. It felt playful – but insistent. After all, in some ways, a big blow-up golden Swan floating into my life was even more startling and clearly a message than had a regular, full-feathered Swan made an appearance.

Nevertheless (I’ll admit it), I blew that off, too. Well. Not entirely. I took a photo of it. I wrote about it in my journal. But I didn’t sit with it in all seriousness. I didn’t truly reflect on its meaning.

Which Brings Me To Today

Yet again, I chose Swan/Skunk today. These two archetypal energies have been hanging around me now for about two good weeks. Slipping in and out of my daily picks, flirting with my consciousness, floating down the Tohickon in real life and marooning itself on a rock right in front of where I was sitting and writing.

Yeah. I’m thinking there’s a message Spirit wants me to pay attention to and receive. Perhaps, if I’m diligent, I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

Photo: wildsafebc.com

(T-847)

Goodness – Day Fifty Six

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“Watercolor Sunset” photo by L Weikel

Goodness

I just finished watching the Golden Globe Awards. I knew I’d regret watching all the way until the end of the program (vis-à-vis writing this post), but for whatever reason, I kept watching.

The movies that were nominated for Best Drama were an eclectic conglomeration, and the actors, both male and female, nominated for Best of their respective categories were also an interesting mixture of ages and characters (both on and off screen).

The tenor of the awards on the whole felt a bit melancholy to me. Or maybe I’m just projecting.

The entertainment industry in many ways not only influences our culture but also reflects it, and I’m not sure which comes first. Or I should say, I’m not sure whether we or the industry are the chicken.

The recipients of the last several awards bestowed, which are the reason I started writing this post later than even my usual ‘late,’ were worth the fleeting sacrifice of time. They were worth it because they each displayed what appeared to me to be grace and class.

Grace and Class

The attributes of grace and class are sorely needed in our society and in our hearts right now. We all know it. We all feel it. Obviously, that’s a sweeping statement, and I cannot truly speak for ‘all’ of us or ‘all’ of anything. But wow.

Watching Carol Burnett receive the first annual award in her name with her famous humor and genuine compassion for her co-workers and the opportunity provided her by her grandmother, and then watching the audience’s reception and loving appreciation of Dick Van Dyke…both of these moments were touching and tender. The poignancy of these moments was made even more tangible by the fact that both of these people are not only icons of entertainment. They’re good people.

And that, too, was a theme that was curiously present throughout the evening: when presenters or even recipients wanted to bestow truly profound praise on another, they made a point of appreciating the other’s inherent and basic goodness.

Goodness

Buttressing my blanket statement, above, is something I know I personally feel, but also sense is felt in a vast majority of our country: the need for a balm of goodness to soothe our raw and weeping souls.

We are bombarded on a daily basis with more and more selfishness and callous disregard of pretty much anyone else’s cares or concerns, safety, health, or even life. And it is hurting all of us. We know we aren’t like that; and we know most of the people around us aren’t, either. And yet we see and know it is all around us. Drowning us in hate and fear.

Thus, I was touched to watch Glenn Close react in complete and utter obvious surprise to her win for Best Actor (Actress) for her role in The Wife. Her acceptance touched me, particularly her dedication of her win to her mother, whom Close said had sublimated herself to her husband her whole life, only to admit regret for ‘not accomplishing’ anything right before she passed away in her 80s.

And Rami Malek, winning for his portrayal of Freddie Mercury of Queen – his acceptance was also filled with incredible humility, grace, and class. But when the film, Bohemian Rhapsody, also won for Best Picture, it was astonishing, really, to watch this young man deliberately stand aside in order to have all the attention and accolades go to the producer of the film and the remaining band mates of Mercury.

Mostly in body language, but conveyed in a language anyone with eyes to see could appreciate, this young man was behaving with inherent and absolutely lovely goodness.

I need to end this now. But my heart is a little less heavy having witnessed the goodness tonight. I hope it is a reflection of our culture, and a reclamation and affirmation of who we truly are.

(T-1055)