I had a really hard time focusing today. I’m not quite sure what it was. It was hot out – and muggy – but it wasn’t nearly as oppressive today as it was last week. As indolent as we felt, Karl and I struggled to finally drag ourselves out for a walk this evening, but didn’t actually manage to get ourselves out the door until a bit later than usual. I’m so glad we went when we did, though, because we encountered this fabulous Wind Goddess along the way.
Doesn’t she look like she’s flying across the sky, long hair streaming behind her? I think she was trying to cool things off a little bit as the sun sank below the horizon. But maybe the cooling off was more metaphorical than literal?
This month is turning out to be as volatile as both the astrology and numerology would have us expect. Yes, the roadmaps are all pointing to the same thing: dramatic upheaval and a resurgence of the virus, as the alignments that were occurring when the Coronavirus started spreading here in the U.S. are actually reoccurring, bringing the lessons learned (and not learned) home to roost. Believe it or not, this is probably the calm before the storm.
Expand My Horizons
I’ve been trying my best lately to skirt the massive elephants in the room. Let me tell you, that is not an easy task.
It’s hard not to talk about everything that’s happening before our eyes. The pandemic, the social justice and Black Lives Matter movements, the deployment of secret police by our national government in an effort to create photo-ops for campaign material, the use of tear gas by these armed nationals on our own fellow citizens. The list is far longer than this, as I know you are well aware.
Given the difficulty I’m finding in talking about other things, it’s become clear to me that I need to expand my horizons. I just re-read that sentence and had to chuckle at myself. Here I am, trying to maintain what essentially comes down to a self-quarantine (or close to it) and I’m musing about expanding my horizons. How oxymoronic is that?
I need to sign off now and read my book. Sometimes, we all need to just escape for a while.
Perhaps instead of cooler weather the Wind Goddess is bringing in some new ideas and musings for me to explore. Let’s hope.
For months, I’ve been receiving messages that it was time for me to make some changes to my “work” in the world.
Some of the pushes have centered on what and where I should be focusing most of my attention, at least in the ‘now.’ Many of the shoves have been to increase my hourly rate for the healing work I facilitate. And a fairly significant number of nudges have come for me to expand opportunities for others to work with me.
On the one hand, I’ve done my best to listen to at least most of these messages.
For instance, I’ve expanded my legal expertise by training to serve as a “Parenting Coordinator,” which is a new role established by local rules in Courts in Pennsylvania. I’ll explain about that another day.
I’ve also been spending more time than I was (which, admittedly, wasn’t any at all) on my next manuscript. The drumbeat on that score continues to grow louder, for I’m still barely devoting any significant time to this task. You might wonder, “What’s the big deal? Just sit down and write it.” And I would agree with you. What is the darn deal?
Immersion
The ‘deal,’ I suppose, is my need for immersion. The books I write are memoir. They require me not only to write about a time and set of circumstances I’ve lived, but also require me – if I’m going to capture those times and circumstances as accurately as possible – to immerse myself in the totality of that time of my life.
I’m not good at skimming the surface. I don’t ‘do’ superficiality well, no matter where it might try to intrude in my life. I’m not one for small talk. I’m not a good pretender. I’m either ‘all in’ or I’m not in. And that goes for my writing, and my writing process, as well.
So when I’m working on my manuscript and basically writing from a place of ‘where my head was’ and ‘how I felt’ back then, it is like riding an old fashioned tilt-a-whirl to go back and forth from ‘that’ life to ‘this’ one. I get jerked back and forth from one reality to another. Karl can probably attest to this best, as he can tell when I’ve been working on my manuscript. Out of the blue, sometimes, I’ll snap at him and dredge up something that’s long been over. He’ll look at me with astonishment and, having been in it and reliving it all day, writing about it and remembering our conversations, I’ll be like, “What? Don’t you remember? Did you really do that?”
Ha – great fun. Not.
It’s fresh for me, when I’m writing about it. It’s long gone down Karl’s memory hole, for him, though. So going back and forth is hard. And I resist it. Which leads to procrastination. For years. Hence, I need to give myself permission to just be in it, and with it, and give it the chunk of time I need.
I’m hearing that message. Really.
But on the other hand, there’s the elephant in the room: my hourly rate.
Photo: audubon.org
Elephant = Time + Intensity + Hourly Rate
I’ve been offering shamanic work to the public for 15 years. In that time, I’ve not raised my hourly rate even once (once I started charging at all). For the first two years, I offered my work for free. Then I started charging my current rate: $110/hour.
Because my sessions are unique, they often last an average of 4 to 6 hours – and because that’s an average, yes, some sessions go even longer.
By the same token, because my sessions are unique, when a person comes to me with an issue (or mainly, just a ‘knowing’ that something is awry and needs to be addressed) we stick with it until we get to the root of it. I listen – and help my client listen to their own self – until we get a sense of how their life has woven together the unique picture, circumstances, and – often – wounds that brought them to my door. And then we – but mostly Spirit and their own soul – work together to heal what we’ve discovered.
A Session Is Usually a One-Time Deal
It is rare that a client comes back with the same issue. This work is profound and very often life changing. Almost always, clients feel as though they’re starting an entirely new chapter in their life after a session.
After the session, I write a comprehensive follow-up email that describes what happened during the shamanic/energetic portion of the session. (That’s the part during which the client simply lays down, sets their intention, and let’s the good stuff happen.) It usually takes me 2.5 hours to write it all down, because – as I mentioned above – I don’t ‘do’ superficial. Yes, I’ve managed to take notes while doing the shamanic work. But often I have to get myself back into the ‘place’ I went in order to fully flesh out the notes I took. I need to once again immerse myself in the energy of the session.
Follow-Up Emails are Precious
I’ve found, especially lately (perhaps because I’ve seen and heard from some people recently who were my earlier clients), that those follow up emails hold more information in them than I could’ve realized at the time I wrote them. That’s because things that might not have made total sense (or even a little sense) at the time – to either me or my client – have come to have startling significance upon being re-read years later. So these emails are precious.
And I never charge for the hours I spend the next day, writing them.
My Rates are Going Up
And so it is that I am finally heeding the pokes and prods I’ve received for well over a year, with increasing frequency lately. I am increasing my hourly rate to $350/hour, effective June 30th, 2019.
I realize that this is significant. I realize it may feel daunting. But I also know the shifts I’ve seen in people’s lives; the transformations people have chosen to embrace. And I know the toll it takes on me to provide this work in the deep, precise, and loving manner I do.
Out of My Comfort Zone
Raising my rates drags me out of my comfort zone. So don’t be fooled – this is not a decision I’ve made lightly. In fact, there’s a whole story that goes with how I was doubting myself right up until this morning when Spirit literally plucked a card from my Medicine Card deck as I was shuffling (and asking for guidance one last time on whether I really should follow through with this rate increase) and plopped it into the birdbath I was standing beside.
I’ll write about that tomorrow, though.
(Oh – and remind me to tell you about the new opportunity to work with me one-on-one!)
