elderhood Archives - Owl Medicine: Shamanic Healing

Moose, Moose, and More Moose

In my post yesterday, I described how I interpreted receiving “Moose²” the morning after publishing my “Devotion” post, the first of 1111 posts I’ve committed to writing as an Act of Power and devotion to my son Karl.

And I pretty much focused upon the words I shared yesterday as the essential point drawing Moose was telling me.

So that was Tuesday morning: Moose².

IMAGINE my surprise, then, when I made the following choices the rest of last week:

Wednesday: Moose/Mouse. (Again, the way I’ve written that means I chose Moose as my main pick – and that can be the top card, from the middle, wherever – by ‘top’ card I always mean the main card I consciously felt was the one I wanted to turn or pull out and look at. And Mouse was on the bottom. Literally. The bottom card is always the bottom card.)

Thursday: Moose/Mouse. (And again, I chose these cards in this specific configuration after Karl had shuffled and made a fresh pick of his own that morning!)

Friday: Moose/Fox.

Coincidence? Naah

Seriously. Choosing it a second time (on Wednesday) was cool. I immediately just took it to mean Spirit was giving me the aforementioned ‘pat on the back’ for having slogged out a post Tuesday night and published it before the stroke of midnight, even after getting home close to 10:00 p.m. after a really long session at work.

I’m pretty sure I glossed right through the text that morning, possibly because Karl had to leave earlier than usual and I suggested he just get on the road without me having to read it to him again, especially since we’d read it just the day before. (Yeah, we cut corners sometimes.)

With Mouse underneath, I just sort of took it to mean that I was doing well keeping my commitment – and paying attention to the details. Or maybe it was writing about the details. I wasn’t sure, but I did somehow feel that the Mouse was pointing to the fact that the Moose was related to acknowledging the discipline I was exercising in getting the act of writing and posting done.

After choosing it for a third day in a row (on Thursday) we started joking that the card ‘must be bent.’ But it wasn’t.

I had chosen it as I ran out the door for a very early (i.e., crack of dawn) appointment with a loved one. So yet again, Karl and I didn’t ‘read’ our cards until later in the day, when we were safely home in the midst of that very surprising, slippery, and deep (!) snowstorm that hit us.

Reading It Again

Once we were home together again, though, we felt it important to read our cards out loud, paying special attention to my Moose, since it had made a third appearance.

It was only then that I realized Moose was not only giving me ‘atta-girls’ for following through with my commitment, but was also confirming those leanings I’ve started sensing within myself about changes that may be coming as far as my focus in life.

First of all, reading further into Moose, I felt I was being given additional specific confirmation that the whole blog commitment overall is on target:

“The wisdom woven throughout this scenario is that creation constantly brings forth new ideas and further creation.”

That seemed to me to confirm the initial ‘hit’ I’d received about both of us needing to actively engage our creative pursuits as a means of honoring Karl’s life.

More Breadcrumbs

Then I realized as I read further, that perhaps my recent musings on ‘elderhood’ were – again – breadcrumbs leading me forward:

“Moose medicine is often found in elders who have walked the Good Red Road and have seen many things in their Earth Walk. (…)

The elders are honored in tribal law for their gifts of wisdom, for their teaching abilities, and for the calmness they impart in Council. (…)

If you have chosen the Moose card, you have reason to feel good about something you have accomplished on your journey. This may be a habit you have broken, a completion of some sort, an insight on a goal, or a new sense of self that you have fought hard to earn. (…)”

And then the final paragraph of Moose ‘upright’:

“One good exercise in Moose medicine is to write down things that you can love about yourself and your progress in life. Then apply these same things to friends, family, coworkers, and life. Don’t forget to share the findings with others. They need the encouragement as much as you do.”

Spelling It Out

Wow.

Nothing like having it written out before me! The encouragement to pursue this grand 1111 Devotion, and to realize that I might be starting to walk the path of an Elder. And best of all, that I would be doing it not for myself alone, but to share with each one of you who is choosing to share this journey with me.

Wow indeed. For then I received Moose yet one more time (on Friday). The appearance of Fox underneath emphasized, to me, that this is an act of creativity that is forcing me to allow myself to be noticed. I may seem like I’m cool with talking about all of this, but trust me, I feel naked.

Finally, I want to be clear: I do not think of myself as an “Elder.” If anything, I am on the cusp of Elderhood. I suspect those of you who keep reading may witness a transformation? I don’t know. I hope so. I guess I feel like I’m a “Cuspy-Crone.” Mmm. Sounds delicious.

Moose’s Message

To briefly recap my post from yesterday, last Sunday (11/11), the 7^thanniversary of the death of our son Karl, I received the inspiration (and subsequent confirmation from several sources) that the best way to honor our son’s life as a creative, amazing person was for my husband to paint (he is a visual artist) and for me to write. Upon receiving this ‘message,’ more specifics were conveyed, and the concept of the 1111 Devotion became manifest.

Then last Monday night I published my initial Devotion post, following through on my acknowledgment of the message from Spirit and publicly committing to this Act of Power.

I need to admit that I’ve shied away from publishing my blog consistently for a myriad of self-deprecating reasons, which I won’t bore you by enumerating. Suffice it to say, I guess I’m ‘over that.’ Or at least I’m being forced to let go of those old beliefs, since if I indulge them, I simply will not have the wherewithal to go forward with this commitment.

There’s probably a wonderful energetic confluence here. I’ve been thinking a lot about wisdom and ‘elderhood’ lately. What it means to be an elder and how our society has, in many ways, concomitantly lost respect for ‘elderhood’ and actually experienced a dearth of true ‘elders.’

And I’ve been contemplating a ‘change’ in what I do in the world. Not actually thinking about it; more sensing its impending arrival and wondering what it will mean to me. More teaching? Less individual healing work? Returning to writing? Something completely different that I don’t even have on my radar at the moment? I do not know. But clarity does seem to be emerging from a most unexpected place.

I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling both exhilarated and more than a bit freaked out. I’d declared to the world (my world, at least – the people who care enough to read my words and, perhaps equally important, my Self) that I was going to write a blog post every single day for 1111 days (over three years!) as a devotional act dedicated to the memory of my son Karl.

I was curious to see what I would pick for the day. Would it be a card that would tell me I should run and hide (Prairie Dog, for instance)? Or that I’d done something really dumb to sabotage myself or my reputation (Coyote)? In spite of the knowledge that I might receive such a message, I must admit: I felt OK, deep down in my heart of hearts, about making such a wild commitment. And I felt that even if I received a kick in the pants, or a challenge to my confidence, I’d be OK. I’d do my best to follow through. And that would have to be enough. (And honestly? Feeling that sense of peace that however this plays out will be ok was – and is – bizarre.)

Needless to say, since you already know, I picked: Moose².

And because I ended up writing a detailed explication of what ‘squared’ means and how we would interpret it, I’m just going to fill you in on the parts of Moose that jumped out at me that morning.

Right off the bat, the poem at the beginning touched my heart:

“Moose…

Help me to honor the gifts I can give,

And recognize my worthiness long as I live.”

In talking to Karl about this undertaking, he encouraged me to believe that sharing my thoughts about everyday things might actually be of benefit to someone. I’ve been skeptical of that attitude for a long time. (This isn’t the first time he’s encouraged me to ‘write more.’) But let’s be honest. If I’m going to write 1111 posts, I’m going to be talking about a lot of mundane stuff! I take for granted how quirky my perspective can be sometimes. Maybe Moose was telling me that quirkiness just might be a gift, as is my ability to convey it.

The ‘headline’ attribute assigned to Moose in the cards is “self-esteem.” Well, that was self-evident. I should feel good about the decision.

The first paragraph only served to bring this idea home:

“Moose is found in the North of the medicine wheel, as is Buffalo. North represents the place of wisdom. Self-esteem is the medicine of Moose because it represents the power of recognizing that wisdom has been used in a situation and that recognition or a pat on the back is deserved.” (ital. added)

I had to laugh out loud, though, when I came to this sentence in the following paragraph.

“…The bellow of a male Moose can be viewed as a positive force, since it represents his willingness to ‘tell the world’ about his feelings.”

I’d read this a million times before, but of course it took on an entirely new and deeper meaning when applied to me deciding to publicly commit to sharing my thoughts (and feelings) ‘on-line’ for the next 3+ years.

The next paragraph, to my delight, seemed to capture the shift I was feeling within myself (much to my very own surprise) that was actually encouraging me to engage in this commitment:

“This ‘tell the world’ trait contains a joyfulness which only comes with a sense of accomplishment. There is no greater joy than a job well done. This trait is therefore not a seeking of approval, but rather an enjoyment of sharing because of the spontaneous explosion of joy that comes from the deepest part of one’s being.” (ital. added)

Yes. That was it! I looked up at Karl as I read these words aloud. He knew: This was big for me.

Up to this point in my life, every time I thought about writing a blog on a consistent basis, I got snagged on the fact that I knew my ego would be seeking approval. How did I know that? Because I felt I had nothing worthwhile to say. And as long as that was true, maybe I didn’t.

Somehow, relatively recently, perhaps in contemplation of the fact that I will turn 60 in March or perhaps because the stars have aligned and I am finally ready to embark upon the next third of my life, I feel like I’m ready to simply share. And people can take it or leave it. If I am writing every day as an act of devotion to my son, then I am acting with integrity and impeccability as far as I am concerned. And really, all I can do is walk my talk and speak my truth.

I don’t need the approval of others to either give me permission or make me feel like my words or my experiences are of value. That’s a rather astonishing feeling, I have to admit. And believe me, it doesn’t mean I don’t care at all how I am perceived. But a shift has taken place. And I’m taking a step onto a new path. And Moose was there – squared – to offer me initiation.