depression Archives - Owl Medicine: Shamanic Healing

Lifted My Spirits

I’m so relieved that the weather today was as bright and warm as it was. I needed it. It lifted my spirits.

I can’t figure out why I was feeling so down today. The Memorial Day weekend was pleasant enough. I missed seeing our kids, but there have been other holidays, pre-Covid-19, when we weren’t able to get together. So it’s not as if it felt like the gaping hole in our summer opening extravaganza that I know other people experienced.

And we did manage to walk every day, despite initial calls for rain. Thank goodness!

Today was hard, though.

Ugly Out There

The best I can figure is that I’m starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by all the ugliness ‘out there.’

Last night, just before settling down to write about my love of Ents, I saw the video of the woman in Central Park, who earlier yesterday rabidly threatened to call 911 to report a man who was taking video of her breaking the leash law in an area devoted to birding. I’m sure most of you know all about her very obvious use of her white privilege to threaten this man for daring to video her flaunting the park rules.

It sickened me to see how she treated this man.

And then there’s the horrific story of the man in Minneapolis who was murdered by police officers, one of whom literally had his knee on the man’s neck as the man cried out that he couldn’t breathe. I could not bring myself to watch the video of that incident. Merely seeing the still shot of the cop with his knee on the man’s neck was enough to make me want to throw up. This type of stuff happens every day. Almost always with impunity, although apparently – hopefully – not this time. But it all makes me wonder how black and brown people do not despair of such cruelty. How do any of us not despair of this cruelty to one another?

So no, I’m not going to link to either of these videos. If you haven’t seen them, they are pretty much everywhere. Which may be why I was feeling more and more depressed today as the day wore on.

Between those two incidents and the videos of people spitting on or verbally abusing clerks who were trying to enforce mask use in their stores, or people deliberately defying public health recommendations… I don’t know. I just felt profoundly sad over the state of humanity.

Took a Walk

So Karl and I took another one of our walks. I’m sharing a couple photos I took. The beauty we encountered was heartening and peaceful. Once again, walking lifted my spirits. Once again, Mother Earth reminded me of the beauty that surrounds us if we take the time and make the effort to look for it.

As usual, walking brings me peace. Here’s a recent article reinforcing just how and why walking is so great for us – especially now.

I’m going to keep on walking. If you haven’t walked in a while, I urge you to go for it. It helps. And we all need all the help we can get right now.

Rhododendron – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-549)

September Sunset – Photo: L. Weikel

Bummer

I wasn’t going to write about this tonight, but I have to tell you: it’s not easy coming up with something to write about every night. And that holds especially true when something kind of crappy happened during my day and it’s sort of the only thing that’s occupying my mind.

Well, there are a couple of understatements: ‘kind of crappy’ and ‘sort of the only thing that’s occupying my mind.’

I realize, believe me, that facing the fact that my car has two tires in the junk yard is a miniscule concern compared to so much of what so many other people are dealing with. I know that. But that doesn’t mean this isn’t big in my world at the moment.

Regardless, There’s No Comparison

Yeah, I write the words contained in that paragraph, above, but truthfully they ring hollow. Yeah, it stinks that my car is essentially irreparable and may conk out at any moment – and in such a manner as to render me stranded and the vehicle worthless.

But aren’t I lucky that I have the knowledge, in my back pocket, that I have AAA? Yes. I am.

And aren’t I lucky that I have the knowledge, deep within myself, that I will manifest a new car? Yes, I am.

So I call bullshit on myself.

There are simply so many things going on in the lives of people all around me, people I love and care about, people who are blood family and people who are Spirit family, people I don’t know well and those I don’t know at all, that are far worse than my car wearing out. Indeed, the very fact that I was able to take care of my car for 15 years, eke out 311,241 miles (and counting, if only by the hour!) out of her, and not have a car payment for ten years is amazing.

So, no.

Everything has a season – Photo: L. Weikel

Listening and Perspective

Because listening is so sacred to me, and because it is probably the greatest aspect of myself I can give to those around me, I can safely say that a day doesn’t go by that I don’t extend it to someone – at least one person – every day.

And lately, especially, I’ve noticed that there is a lot of upheaval in the world. People’s lives are being upended in astonishing ways: loss of loved ones (human and otherwise), profound betrayals and ugly realizations, prolonged struggles with depression and pernicious recurrences of hopelessness and despair. Fear of losing a job or the business that’s been cultivated for decades. Loneliness – even when surrounded by people or in long-term relationships that died long ago.

And of course on the world stage, there are people realizing the jig may be up – on so many levels and in so many life-altering ways.

All I Have

Meanwhile, here I am, enjoying so much. My family. My friends. My amazing four legged loves. The birds that frequent my feeders or soar above me when I ask for a message, or reveal themselves as I sit by the creek. My beloved Tohickon and the Lenape Sipu (Delaware River). My work and the amazing people I get to meet through what I do. My health.

Yes, I’m mostly speaking in generalities because to be specific feels like bragging, and that’s quite honestly the last thing I’m intending in this post.

How could I look at tonight’s sky and remain upset over my car? How could I, when I was able to walk with my best friend as the colors of the sunset deepened into an indigo that was hard to describe?

I couldn’t.

(T-791)