More Time, Less to Say – Day 183

Amadell Carp – Photo: L. Weikel

More Time, Less to Say      

I realize my past few posts have been pretty short, but apparently this one is going to be even shorter, even though I’m technically getting an earlier start than I have in several days. Sometimes it seems like it doesn’t matter how much time I have to write; if the words don’t come, there’s not a whole lot I can do about it.

I’ll admit it: I just finished watching last night’s penultimate episode of Game of Thrones and, well, “Sheesh,” is the best reaction I can muster. (H/t to SW.)

To be honest, it’s hard to think about much of anything after watching that. It’s not even the action that I’m referring to – it’s the fact that I can’t get the stupid theme song out of my head. And yeah, OK, I’ll admit it: I find myself thinking about death.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, since GoT is GoT (and what would I have expected anyway?) there’s a bigger, more personal reason than just GoT that’s causing me to mull that subject over, but that’s another discussion for another day.

So for now I’ll leave you with a photo of these brilliant carp at the Peace Pond at Amadell.

(T-928)

Best Easter Egg EVER – Day 160

Karl’s egg 19 April 2014 – Photo: L. Weikel

Best Easter Egg EVER

I’ve always loved Easter.

The memories I have of Easters growing up are not whizz bang affairs. In fact, it’s funny – when I think back, as I sit here, trying to decide what memories I might share that could convey why my heart always seems to lift when I think about Easter, I realize how magical my thinking was…even back then. It wasn’t necessarily the literal stuff of Easter that I loved, it was what lived in my imagination.

I loved hunting for Easter eggs. Oh my goodness. Not the public hunts, put on by schools or churches. The hunts I cherish are the ones that took place in the living room of the farmhouse I grew up in.

My brother Henry is 16 years older than I. My mother would let him go out to see his girlfriend (and eventual wife), Diane, on the night before Easter only if he promised to come home and ‘help the Easter Bunny’ hide the hard boiled eggs I’d dyed that night.

The Hunt for the Eggs

I swear that was the best part about Easter. Finding the eggs that The Rabbit hid (as she came to be known in our household – Karl’s and mine – as our guys were growing up) was a challenge that had the potential to occupy me the whole day. Inevitably, there would be one or two eggs that were so well hidden that it would literally take me hours to find them. Sometimes my brother (if he could remember) would have to play that game of “warmer” to help me.

Truth be told, I think he probably had no recollection of where he’d hidden them and was only sending me on a wild goose chase anyway. At least a couple eggs over the years weren’t discovered until months (or perhaps years) later. They were completely desiccated by the time they were accidentally found, so who knows how long they’d excitedly waited to fulfill the dream of all true Easter eggs, of being reunited with their colorful siblings, only to wither away, forgotten and alone? Yeah. Sad.

The magical thinking that really made Easter special for me, though, is the image I’ve always carried in my head of the true Easter Rabbit. For the life of me, I don’t know why the thought of this creature didn’t scare me, especially since I cannot stand people in costumes or masks. I think it may be because I had such a sense that “she” was in fact a real Rabbit – just larger than normal – not a person dressed up as a bunny. But…wow.

The Reason for My Connection to ‘The Rabbit’

You’ll never believe it, but I just realized that on some level, my sense of and connection to the Easter Bunny was a precursor to the literal experiences with power animals that I would start having some 25 years later. (I’ve honestly never thought about it in this context before this moment. Wow.)

Another reason Easter is a favorite holiday is because I was born on Easter Sunday. So periodically, over the years, my birthday would again fall on Easter. But it always felt special, somehow, that I’d managed to arrive on that day (even if the day was nearly literally over by the time I arrived).

And I’ve always been partial to all the other babies (bunnies, chicks, lambs, pansies, robins, ducklings, piglets, daffodils) that abound in the springtime (hence, Easter-time), too. Indeed, even at church (raised Catholic), the concepts of death, rebirth and ascension appealed to me.

Anyway, it’s always felt like Easter was ‘my’ day – no matter when it fell on the calendar.

The Tradition – and Magic – Continued

Growing up, my kids knew my delight in Easter, and hopefully shared it, too. I’d even commandeered my eldest son, Karl, to help ‘The Rabbit’ hide the eggs for his younger brothers a couple of years, just like my mom had recruited my brother.

So imagine this: On April 19, 2014, my two adult sons (and Tiffany – who was meeting us for the first time!) were indulging me by coloring eggs on ‘Easter eve.’ I’d placed a pristine white egg in a cup of boiling water with red and blue food coloring and a dash of white vinegar (purple being my favorite color) and just let it sit. I wanted to see just how deep a hue of purple I could make this egg.

After it sat in the dye for quite a while, I dipped my tablespoon into the cup and raised it to the surface. The egg was covered with random bubbles, but it looked like it had ripened to a really deep and satisfying purple. I placed it carefully in the cardboard egg carton with all the rest.

We Could Feel His Presence

Mind you, this was two and a half years after Karl had died. He was, as he still is, thought about and talked about frequently. But we were especially reminiscing about prior Easters with him as we introduced Tiffany to our traditions. We could feel not only how much we missed Karl but how much Karl was missing us.

Imagine, then, our goosebumps and stunned expressions when I picked up my purple egg and looked at it carefully. Not only was his name clearly written on the egg, but it also looked like it was written on a background of stars. And even more amazing, the letters of his name actually look like his style of printing. Random bubbles?

As we’re fond of saying: YCMTSU.

Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy Springtime, Happy Rebirth and Renewal.

Believe.

(T-951)

P.S.: We love you, Karl. And again, a hearty well done on that manifestation!

Sometimes It’s Not Obvious – Day Seventy Five

boyslife.org

Sometimes It’s Not Obvious          

Even though I haven’t talked about it in quite a while, Karl and I continue to pick Medicine Cards each morning. And even though we’ve been consistently picking them every morning for the past, oh, twenty five years or so…sometimes it’s not obvious what Spirit’s trying to say through them.

For instance, I’ve had Bat in some configuration of my cards for the past four days in a row. And that damn Beaver’s shown up with it half the time. (You may recall Beaver was underneath my Prairie Dog on January 1st, setting the agenda for the year.)

Bat, Bat, and More Bat

So, yeah. On Tuesday I picked Bat/Beaver. Wednesday, Beaver reversed/Bat. (How’s that for weird, when you remember Karl shuffled and chose his cards between my two picks). Thursday I chose Fox reversed/Bat. And today I chose Bat/Eagle.

To be honest, I’m a little frustrated. Bat is one of my favorites. I love when it shows up in my cards. Not only do I love bats in the wild, but I also love what Bat represents archetypally, which is rebirth. And of course, in order to bring about rebirth, there has to be death.

Birth/Death/Rebirth

Bat is all about the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.

On the one hand, that’s a tad scary. It’s a cycle of rather cataclysmic experiences, when you think about it. Giving birth is no walk in the park, although I can honestly only consciously reflect upon what it feels like to give birth. Not be born. And even if the cycle doesn’t pertain directly to our physical bodies, there is a finality to death that can be unsettling, at the very least.

And sure, there’s always rebirth. But will any remnant of that which died be recognizable in that which is reborn? Who knows.

Truth be told, I like to look at Bat as an opportunity to start anew. Yeah, something has to die. But I’d prefer to think I’m being asked to give up a way of being that no longer serves me (or maybe never did, and I’m only figuring that out now).

“Symbolic Death to the Old Ways of Life and Personal Identity”

“Bat embraces shamanistic death. The ritual death of the healer is steeped in secrets and highly involved initiation rites. Shaman death is the symbolic death of the initiate to the old ways of life and personal identity. (…)”

I love the idea of initiation, because for me it speaks of the sacred and signifies beginning – a fresh start – the act of setting foot on a new path of exploration and growth. I love the mysterious challenge inherent in the prospect of learning something unique and (hopefully) heretofore obscure, for when the word initiation is used, it always calls to mind, for me at least, something esoteric.

For the life of me, though, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be relinquishing.

Another paragraph that leaps off the page when I read Bat is:

“If Bat has appeared in your cards today, it symbolizes the need for a ritualistic death of some way of life that no longer suits your new growth pattern. This can mean a time of letting go of old habits, and of assuming the position in life that prepares you for rebirth, or in some cases initiation. In every case, Bat signals rebirth of some part of yourself or the death of old patterns. If you resist your destiny, it can be a long, drawn out, or painful death. The universe is always asking you to grow and become your future. To do so you must die the shaman’s death.”

I’ll be honest: I do not want to be so obtuse that I force myself into a long, drawn out, or painful death. And I am willing to embrace, and am even a bit excited at the prospect of, growing and becoming my future.

I sincerely yearn to ‘get the message.’ And I would much rather figure it out and consciously  let go than dither around bullshitting myself. So that’s what I’ll be contemplating this weekend.

Sometimes it’s not obvious.

Or maybe it is, and I just have to open my eyes (and my ears) and pay attention.

I’ll keep you posted; (wink). Pun intended.

(T-1036)

worldatlas.com

Mary Oliver – Day Sixty Eight

Mary Oliver – 9/10/35 – 1/17/19

I feel an undeniable resonance with Mary Oliver’s love affair with Mother Nature. The way in which her words reflect my own yearning to hear the stories and know the essence of All Life makes my heart both ache and sing.

The following poem felt like it was speaking to me today, and I want to share it with you. Surely she knew we would be reading it this very day? One day after her soul broke free of the cocoon lately stalked by the fourth sign of the zodiac? By every word, it feels that way to me.

 

The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac

– by Mary Oliver

1.

Why should I have been surprised?

Hunters walk the forest

without a sound.

The hunter, strapped to his rifle,

the fox on his feet of silk,

the serpent on his empire of muscles –

all move in a stillness,

hungry, careful, intent.

Just as the cancer

entered the forest of my body,

without a sound.

 

2.

The question is,

what will it be like

after the last day?

Will I float

into the sky

or will I fray

within the earth or a river—

remembering nothing?

How desperate I would be

if I couldn’t remember

the sun rising, if I couldn’t

remember trees, rivers; if I couldn’t

even remember, beloved,

your beloved name.

 

3.

I know, you never intended to be in this world.

But you’re in it all the same.

 

So why not get started immediately.

 

I mean, belonging to it.

There is so much to admire, to weep over.

 

And to write music or poems about.

 

Bless the feet that take you to and fro.

Bless the eyes and the listening ears.

Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste.

Bless touching.

 

You could live a hundred years, it’s happened.

Or not.

I am speaking from the fortunate platform

of many years,

none of which, I think, I ever wasted.

Do you need a prod?

Do you need a little darkness to get you going?

Let me be as urgent as a knife, then,

and remind you of Keats,

so single of purpose and thinking, for a while,

he had a lifetime.

 

4.

Late yesterday afternoon, in the heat,

all the fragile blue flowers in bloom

in the shrubs in the yard next door had

tumbled from the shrubs and lay

wrinkled and fading in the grass. But

this morning the shrubs were full of

the blue flowers again. There wasn’t

a single one on the grass. How, I

wondered, did they roll or crawl back

to the shrubs and then back up to

the branches, that fiercely wanting,

as we all do, just a little more of

life?

From her book of poems, Blue Horses © 2014

photo by backyardgardenlover.com

(T-1043)

Day Eighteen (T-1093)

 

Portals

This morning I was reminded by my favorite, most amazing, numerologist (who is also a friend), Alison Baughman, that today is yet another “11-11-11” day.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basics of numerology, you might be wondering how today, November 29, 2018, could be considered an 11-11-11 day.

Obviously, you realize that the first 11 is for November, the 11thmonth. The second 11 is the day today, the 29th, ‘reduced’ (2 + 9) to 11, and finally the year, 2018, also ‘reduced’ (2 + 0 + 1 + 8) to 11. That’s pretty much how you do anything in numerology as far as dates. Everything is added up to its lowest configuration between 1-9, unless you reach 11 or 22, which are considered “master numbers,” which do not reduce further (to 2 or 4, respectively).

There’s a ton of fascinating information you can access through numerology, and I urge you to explore it as a means to gaining yet another perspective on the quest to understanding yourself and why you are here, perhaps what lessons you are here to learn, as well as what skills and assets you bring to the table.

And yet again, I am the quintessential poster girl for the concept of  “a little bit of knowledge being a dangerous thing.” Don’t take my word for any of this. If playing with numbers is attractive to you, or you notice certain ones showing up frequently and wonder if there’s any meaning to it, take the time to learn about it. See for yourself if applying these principles bears fruit for you.

But back to the power of today.

Naturally, I am probably slightly more tuned in to the potential for transformation when it comes to 11s than a lot of people. Not only did my life change irrevocably on 11-11-11 (technically, yes, it was 11-11-2011), but it also turns out that I have 11s all over the place personally. Right down to the post office box that was assigned to me over 30 years ago adding up to an 11. It’s weird.

And despite my experience of 11-11-11, I actually love the number 11, probably because it is a number so deeply connected to me on so many levels. I see it, quite honestly, as the PORTAL, or doorway, that it is. A doorway to birth, rebirth, change, transformation, new experience, adventure, and yes, maybe even ascension.

So I felt a little bit of excitement quickening within when Alison reminded me (well, everyone following her on FB, to be honest) that today would almost certainly be a momentous day in some way because of its numerological significance. Indeed, all day I felt a sense of anticipation that we might be passing from one experience or understanding of ‘reality’ to another; that there might be revelation, or an exposition of us to light or information or profound change – either on a personal or much wider level.

And then the day started unfolding. Revelations abound. Lies are being exposed, light is illuminating the darkness, and perhaps – hopefully – truth is coming to the fore.

It is indisputable that we have passed through some major portals today as a nation, and it remains to be seen what will come of it all.

In some ways, perhaps, old beliefs and assumptions of what was true and what was not have died, making way for the birth of new understandings and perspectives. Ah, those alluring 11s. Those portals to our future…

I don’t know about you, but I am ready for some shifts in our reality. Walking through the portals may yield some really scary experiences and even feel like the death of some things (ideas, beliefs, hopes, fears), but ultimately, it is transformative. A rebirth.