comfort zone Archives - Owl Medicine: Shamanic Healing

Clouds parting and bringing clarity – Photo: L. Weikel

Raising the Roof on My Comfort Zone

As I mentioned last night, my decision to raise my rates has been a long time coming. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, by any means.

Many factors played into my decision, as you might expect.

But yesterday, as I contemplated making my announcement public by writing about it here, I felt all my worries and doubts lining up for one last swipe at my decision.

The wind yesterday was brisk and it was chilly on our porch. I picked up the deck of Medicine Cards and walked, barefoot, onto our lawn, shuffling all the while. I looked up into the sky and watched the clouds, which had blanketed the sky only moments earlier, open up to reveal brilliant azure clarity above my head. I felt myself connecting with the cool green grass beneath my feet as I opened my heart to receiving one last oomph of GUIDANCE.

As I meandered, I said out loud to anyone who would hear (but really, I was addressing Spirit), that increasing my rates was really pushing me out of my comfort zone, that I was really feeling anxious and conflicted over it.

The Wind Steps In

At that, the wind whipped in, picked a card off the deck as I shuffled the cards in my hands and swept that card face down into the birdbath, which was full of fresh, clear rain water from the storms of the night before.

Miraculously, the card landed on the surface of the water gently and without a sound. I snatched the card up, refusing to allow the card to get ruined by plunging into a birdbath, gently wiping it to ensure no permanent damage was done.

The card that Spirit had chosen ‘for’ me was Ant. The keyword for Ant is Patience. Glancing at the rest of the deck, which I continued to clutch in my left hand, I saw that Black Panther was stalking my pick, informing me on how I should interpret that “Spirit-assisted” pick. Black Panther’s keyword are ‘Embracing the Unknown.”

Wow. OK. I felt totally OK with having PATIENCE, which was interesting, because years and years ago, that was the single-word response I received when I took one of my first journeys and asked for guidance. I simply saw the word PATIENCE – in all caps – right in front of my closed eyelids. That frustrated me to no end.

Patience/Embracing the Unknown

But this time? It felt good. It felt OK. I felt that Spirit was telling me to FOLLOW THROUGH with this shift (of which raising my rates is a part) and to have patience. Yes, it may cause me to ‘lose’ potential clients that would have come to me had I left my rates where they’ve been for 15 years. But if I have patience (and accept that this IS a leap from my comfort zone – “into the VOID OF THE UNKNOWN”) things may work out in ways I cannot even fathom right now.

Yes, I must leap (Black Panther), but first and foremost, I MUST EXERCISE PATIENCE. Which means yeah, I’m probably going to encounter some backlash and some scary times. Yeah, it’s not necessarily going to be easy or a walk in the park. But it is the right thing to do.

I’ll admit that this was my first true ‘hit’ on what the Ant/Black Panther combo was telling me.

Doubt Rears Its Head

But then, of course, my freaking nemesis, doubt – that Spirit could actually, truly, be encouraging me to think bigger, dream bigger, to believe that I am here to help deliver a message, in service, that people will benefit from hearing and incorporating into their lives – kicked in.

I chastised myself: Maybe the Ant card landing in the birdbath meant, “Yeah, you need to just settle down. Don’t act in haste by raising your rates so dramatically. Settle the $#%@ down. Be patient.”

And that thought just felt awful. I felt every cell in my body droop. It deflated me and made me feel sad – as if I were letting myself down in the worst way.

Realizing how profoundly my old habits of indulging my doubt and second-guessing the message I’d intuited with such crystal clarity in those first moments made me feel utterly defeated, I chose, then and there, to honor my knowing.

I’m revealing these thoughts and the process through which I butted heads with my doubts to show that I understand how tough it can be to honor our knowing. When I ask clients to do hard things, it’s not as if I’m asking you to do anything I wouldn’t demand of my own self.

The Road Ahead – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-898)

Wishes Bursting Forth – Photo: L. Weikel

Change is Afoot

For months, I’ve been receiving messages that it was time for me to make some changes to my “work” in the world.

Some of the pushes have centered on what and where I should be focusing most of my attention, at least in the ‘now.’ Many of the shoves have been to increase my hourly rate for the healing work I facilitate. And a fairly significant number of nudges have come for me to expand opportunities for others to work with me.

On the one hand, I’ve done my best to listen to at least most of these messages.

For instance, I’ve expanded my legal expertise by training to serve as a “Parenting Coordinator,” which is a new role established by local rules in Courts in Pennsylvania. I’ll explain about that another day.

I’ve also been spending more time than I was (which, admittedly, wasn’t any at all) on my next manuscript. The drumbeat on that score continues to grow louder, for I’m still barely devoting any significant time to this task. You might wonder, “What’s the big deal? Just sit down and write it.” And I would agree with you. What is the darn deal?

Immersion

The ‘deal,’ I suppose, is my need for immersion. The books I write are memoir. They require me not only to write about a time and set of circumstances I’ve lived, but also require me – if I’m going to capture those times and circumstances as accurately as possible – to immerse myself in the totality of that time of my life.

I’m not good at skimming the surface. I don’t ‘do’ superficiality well, no matter where it might try to intrude in my life. I’m not one for small talk. I’m not a good pretender. I’m either ‘all in’ or I’m not in. And that goes for my writing, and my writing process, as well.

So when I’m working on my manuscript and basically writing from a place of ‘where my head was’ and ‘how I felt’ back then, it is like riding an old fashioned tilt-a-whirl to go back and forth from ‘that’ life to ‘this’ one. I get jerked back and forth from one reality to another. Karl can probably attest to this best, as he can tell when I’ve been working on my manuscript. Out of the blue, sometimes, I’ll snap at him and dredge up something that’s long been over. He’ll look at me with astonishment and, having been in it and reliving it all day, writing about it and remembering our conversations, I’ll be like, “What? Don’t you remember? Did you really do that?”

Ha – great fun. Not.

It’s fresh for me, when I’m writing about it. It’s long gone down Karl’s memory hole, for him, though. So going back and forth is hard. And I resist it. Which leads to procrastination. For years. Hence, I need to give myself permission to just be in it, and with it, and give it the chunk of time I need.

I’m hearing that message. Really.

But on the other hand, there’s the elephant in the room: my hourly rate.

Photo: audubon.org

Elephant = Time + Intensity + Hourly Rate

I’ve been offering shamanic work to the public for 15 years. In that time, I’ve not raised my hourly rate even once (once I started charging at all). For the first two years, I offered my work for free. Then I started charging my current rate: $110/hour.

Because my sessions are unique, they often last an average of 4 to 6 hours – and because that’s an average, yes, some sessions go even longer.

By the same token, because my sessions are unique, when a person comes to me with an issue (or mainly, just a ‘knowing’ that something is awry and needs to be addressed) we stick with it until we get to the root of it. I listen – and help my client listen to their own self – until we get a sense of how their life has woven together the unique picture, circumstances, and – often – wounds that brought them to my door. And then we – but mostly Spirit and their own soul – work together to heal what we’ve discovered.

A Session Is Usually a One-Time Deal

It is rare that a client comes back with the same issue. This work is profound and very often life changing. Almost always, clients feel as though they’re starting an entirely new chapter in their life after a session.

After the session, I write a comprehensive follow-up email that describes what happened during the shamanic/energetic portion of the session. (That’s the part during which the client simply lays down, sets their intention, and let’s the good stuff happen.) It usually takes me 2.5 hours to write it all down, because – as I mentioned above – I don’t ‘do’ superficial. Yes, I’ve managed to take notes while doing the shamanic work. But often I have to get myself back into the ‘place’ I went in order to fully flesh out the notes I took. I need to once again immerse myself in the energy of the session.

Follow-Up Emails are Precious

I’ve found, especially lately (perhaps because I’ve seen and heard from some people recently who were my earlier clients), that those follow up emails hold more information in them than I could’ve realized at the time I wrote them. That’s because things that might not have made total sense (or even a little sense) at the time – to either me or my client – have come to have startling significance upon being re-read years later. So these emails are precious.

And I never charge for the hours I spend the next day, writing them.

My Rates are Going Up

And so it is that I am finally heeding the pokes and prods I’ve received for well over a year, with increasing frequency lately. I am increasing my hourly rate to $350/hour, effective June 30^th, 2019.

I realize that this is significant. I realize it may feel daunting. But I also know the shifts I’ve seen in people’s lives; the transformations people have chosen to embrace. And I know the toll it takes on me to provide this work in the deep, precise, and loving manner I do.

Out of My Comfort Zone

Raising my rates drags me out of my comfort zone. So don’t be fooled – this is not a decision I’ve made lightly. In fact, there’s a whole story that goes with how I was doubting myself right up until this morning when Spirit literally plucked a card from my Medicine Card deck as I was shuffling (and asking for guidance one last time on whether I really should follow through with this rate increase) and plopped it into the birdbath I was standing beside.

I’ll write about that tomorrow, though.

(Oh – and remind me to tell you about the new opportunity to work with me one-on-one!)

(T-899)