Ray of Light – Photo: L. Weikel

Discomfort and Wariness

I just experienced something oddly unexpected. Only a few minutes ago, I turned on the tv and changed the channel to one of my favorite news programs. It only took a few moments before I sensed this weird feeling in myself – a discomfort and wariness. Echoing in the back of my mind I heard myself asking no one out loud, “What’s off here? Why does this feel weird?”

Believe it or not, it actually took me a minute or two to figure out just what was distracting me. Maybe it’s the audio, I thought. Yeah, that was a possibility. But nah, it didn’t feel like it was simply a microphone issue. Huh. What could it be? And that’s when the camera panned out.

I think I may have literally recoiled (if only slightly). But there was the host sitting uncomfortably close to his guest, asking her questions and even laughing out loud to something she remarked upon. I think it was the guffaw that appalled me most. Good grief, he didn’t even cover his mouth when he laughed.

It felt wrong.

Things Change

Apparently, though, this is our evolved state. We’re back to in-person interviewing.

I think I’m genuinely surprised by my reaction to the resumption of face-to-face interactions. While it seems super that it’s permitted, I just don’t know.

Call me wary, but I’m sensing that the sounding of the ‘all clear’ horn is a bit premature. While I realize everyone’s clamoring to get ‘back to normal,’ I’m not thrilled about the idea of the Delta variant, which I’m pretty sure is the one that’s ripped through India and has caused new cases to skyrocket in Great Britain. Why risk playing around with this?

Is it a lot to ask ourselves to keep our masks on when we’re in public places? It just feels unnecessarily cavalier to tool around maskless when we have no idea how vulnerable any of us really is when it comes to spreading or catching the variant.

A Matter of Trust

It’s sad to me that my intuition sounds the alarm when I walk into the grocery store and see people maskless. It does, though. This is especially true when I see the sign on the door advising that masks are required for all people who’ve not been vaccinated.

Well. That pretty much dangles a carrot in front of those who choose not to be vaccinated, doesn’t it? What’s to stop a person who doesn’t believe in vaccinations (nor in social distancing) from simply doing whatever they want? The state of public life at this point asks people to self-regulate. Which means anyone can do whatever they want, and we all need to ‘just trust’ each other.

Looks Askance

Upon reflection, I realize I was actually getting some looks when I stopped at the grocery store today. I had a mask on. It’s unobtrusive. But I actually sensed people looking at my mask today, and either drawing conclusions or wondering about me, which was not my experience until now.

Were they wondering if I’d been vaccinated? Did they wonder if I was sick? Were they thinking I was just some smug ‘liberal’ trying to push my agenda on them? (My mask did say ‘Love’ – which might be considered a ‘tell.’) All of a sudden I felt like there was a lot more judgment swirling around the grocery store aisles than I’d ever felt before.

All of this jubilant ‘return to normal’ feels a bit premature. I worry about the people with health issues – or have loved ones at home who are at risk. And it makes me sad that I’ve come to the conclusion that trusting my fellow citizens to simply wear a mask if they choose not to get vaccinated is a bridge too far.

(T-165)