Act of Power

An Unintended Consequence – Day 289

Posted on by Lisa Weikel Leave a comment
Spartacus and Sheila – Photo: L. Weikel

An Unintended Consequence

This is probably going to be TMI for many of you. But that’s what happens when you’re writing blog posts 289 days in a row. Some days you just get stymied for something to write, and stuff gets personal. It’s an unintended consequence of the 1111 Devotion.

Honestly, though? It’s not just the number of consecutive days I’ve written. Another contributing factor to my ‘having to go TMI’ is that Verizon Wireless sporadically, haphazardly and maddeningly sends photos around the world a couple of times before delivering them, via email, to my laptop. This ‘long way home’ for my photos occasionally means that I will send myself one or two that I’d like to include in a post that evening – and they mysteriously do not arrive until 10:00 or 11:00 a.m. the next day!

It’s ridiculous. And there’s neither rhyme nor reason to it (as far as I can tell). It’s happened before – many times – but this is apparently only the second time I’ve mentioned it in a post. I’m surprised by my restraint! Ha ha.

The transfer lag time means that I can’t take advantage of photos I deliberately took during the day so I might share them with you (and by extension, give me something to write about). So…we all lose when VZ Wireless drops the ball.

The Original Premise of This Post

Back to my initial proposed over-share: An unintended consequence of my engaging in this Act of Power, this daily commitment to writing a post every night, is the fact that I have not taken one long, relaxing bath in the evening, even after a really hard day of physical work or even after a massage.

And I have to tell you: it’s been a sacrifice.

I used to love taking a bath before bed. Sinking into a tub of steaming water that’s had Epsom salts generously heaped into it, plus some aromatic oil to indulge the senses… Oh yum. And those hot baths with Epsom salts do work wonders to remove the kinks and soreness of lawn mowing or weeding.

Baths Cannot Be Short-shrifted or Compromised

The reason I’ve had to give it up is precisely linked to the fact that I just glanced at the time and see that it is 12:54 a.m. I will need to go to sleep as soon as I publish this (and ‘share’ it on my FB pages). I will be too tired to take a bath tonight.

And I refuse to take one earlier in the evening because I become completely relaxed when I take a long, hot bath. There is no way I have any desire to fight all of my bodily instincts in order to drag my consciousness back into the requisite hyper-awareness I need to write my posts. (Believe it or not!)

An odd, unintended consequence of my 1111 Devotion indeed.

Oh – and since I didn’t acknowledge the completely fabricated “Dog Day” (or whatever it was called yesterday) by posting a photo of my pups online, I’ll add this one again ‘from the archives.’ Here’s to Spartacus and Sheila!

(T-822)

New Moon/Total Solar Eclipse – Day 233

Posted on by Lisa Weikel Leave a comment
Trying to see the forest for the trees – Photo: L. Weikel

New Moon/Total Solar Eclipse                  

Considering what’s been going on in the heavens today, I’m wondering how your day went. I heard from a handful of close friends and it sounds like the day, for them at least, provided opportunities for experiences that completely changed their perceptions and attitudes.

That’s not something you can say every day. And it’s exciting.

I’ve barely had a chance to think about how this eclipse season is impacting me. I suppose I may not have felt any direct effects yet.

I can’t tell you how many sentences, even paragraphs, I’ve written and then deleted. I think I’m over-tired. As a result, pretty much everything I type looks odd to me. For instance, I don’t like the way the words line up when I allow myself to just talk through my fingers. I start second-guessing comma usage. I start doubting word choice.

Ha – just reading that last paragraph makes me laugh.

Planting Seeds on this New Moon

One seed I know I want to plant today/tomorrow is recommitting to my writing. Thanks to my 1111 Devotion to Karl, and the discipline I’ve attempted to bring to my life through this Act of Power, I feel like I’m getting closer to seriously making time for the book. One of the reasons I know this is true is because of the anticipation I feel even when I just write that intention.

Another seed I know I want to plant today/tomorrow is announcing my new “Walk Your Talk” Sessions.

And yet a third seed is announcing a Listening Retreat at Amadell the weekend of August 9-11. I’ll write more about that tomorrow.

There are other Listening Retreats taking shape as well, but I’ve not yet set firm dates. I’ll let you know when I do.

Here’s hoping that any revelations you’re experiencing in your life are rocking your world in a way that will make you smile, maybe even laugh, and will bring you the insight and change you seek deep within.

(T-878)

Poof – Day 181

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments
Tree Owl – Photo: L. Weikel

Poof   

So, OK.

You guys, my loyal peeps who’ve been sticking with me through 181 days now (even if you did miss a couple few), know that I’ve wondered what would happen if I found myself in a space where I might be compromised in my ability to honor my 1111 Devotion commitment.

Well, this moment is both a challenge and an affirmation.

The night tonight is exquisitely conducive to cocooning. To sleeping. To dreaming. I’m sitting here in my room, the expansive windows thrown wide open despite the rain cascading from the sky. (I checked: No worries, nothing is coming in through the screens.)

It’s almost as if the cavalcade of sounds, textures, voices and images that we just experienced at the hands of the wizardly alchemist Peter May and his sound dakini, Marina, actually rippled out into and through the rainforest, following us as we wound our way to our room.

Indeed, perhaps our journey to the ululating murmerings of the didgeridoo was a mere appetizer to the evening’s main course.

The one that followed us home.

I can only hope.

My Devotion – My Heart

In the meantime, though, in the race to return to my room so I could write these words, I realized just how close to my heart I hold this devotion. It’s as if this time at the close of every day is time actually spent with my eldest son. Even if I don’t write about him (which in fact I rarely do), even if I write about the most mundane of topics. Even if I write a sentence and call it an evening. No detail about any post that I may write has any bearing whatsoever on the heart of the act itself.

There is purpose behind this Act of Power.

I write because I love.

And the love I feel is eternal, expansive, and holds the utmost healing power.

I hope each and every one of you, whether reading this or not, in some way feels the essence of what I felt (and feel) tonight. Whether it was a wisp of a sense, a warm sense, a rustle of your hair. I dropped by. I sent you love. I blew you a kiss. I thought about you.

And because you happen to be reading this at this very moment, know that that thought, that love, is coming to you yet again.

That was my dream earlier. May it continue to manifest.

Photo: L. Weikel

(T-930)

Salted Caramel Filled Chocolates – Day Ninety

Posted on by Lisa Weikel Leave a comment

 

Salted Caramel Filled Chocolates…           

are the only thing keeping me awake at the moment.

I’ve always stayed up late. (Yeah, a night owl. Go figure.) But pretty much since I started my 1111 Devotion, I’ve been staying up even later than I used to, and on a much more consistent basis. And by later I mean for the past 90 days I’ve not gone to bed before 12:30 a.m. at the earliest and 2:15 a.m. at the latest. On average, hitting the sheets by around 1:30 a.m.

For the most part, it works out. I’ve always done my best work at night. Since my college days, the dark hours when most other people are asleep were when I accomplished the most. So this isn’t a shockingly new development. The toll taker is the consistency.

And this week has been a particularly challenging stretch. Earlier in the week, I had to get up at 4:15 a.m. to take Karl to the airport. So my Wednesday was a little ragged around the edges, if I do say so myself.

Then last night I didn’t get to bed until 2:00-ish, in spite of how tired I was, and then got back up at 5:15 to make the pilgrimage back to Newark in order to collect Karl off the red-eye.

Sleep Deprivation Can Be a Bitch

Maybe it was that I only got three hours of sleep two out of the last four days. (Yeah, that might be it.) Maybe I just don’t have the EverReady Bunny mojo I used to have? Yeah, that could be it; I don’t know. One thing I do know: I’ve been borderline zombie today.

So here I am, listening to Karl’s rhythmic breathing/pseudo-snoring as he slumbers on the couch. I close my eyes to pull words from the ethers and find myself nodding off in what feel like micro-naps. I catch myself when my head bobs and I realize I’ve lost my train of thought.

Enter Chocolove filled Salted Caramel dark chocolate. Someone must have been watching over me when I went to Whole Foods on Thursday and discovered these bars of chocolate-y pillows of delight were on sale.

Probably the only reason I’ve managed to write this much is because I indulged.

A Shift in Perspective

Believe it or not, I started this post out expressing disappointment and annoyance with myself for eating chocolate so late in the evening. But I’ve deleted that garbage because I suddenly realize how lucky I am. So what if I’m overtired and need a little “chocolove” to help me follow through on my commitment? To add fuel to my Act of Power? To sustain my dedication?

I’m lucky because my husband is asleep on the couch. My sons are warm and cozy living their lives with their loves. I’m surrounded by my two dogs and three cats (even if they crowd me into a corner of our bed). I’m healthy and my senses are eager and able to indulge in the exquisite delight of a dark chocolate morsel filled with gooey salted caramel.

I have the extraordinary and magical good fortune of working with people and Spirit in the way I do. And how rich am I to hit the ‘publish’ button every night only to wake up to see that you have cared enough to walk another day with me on this journey?

So no. I’m not going to hold on to the sadness that swept across my brow last night. And I’m not going to lament the fact that I gave myself permission to eat some chocolate tonight. That’s just such an old, bullshit way of thinking.

I’m going to be grateful for the salted caramel filled dark chocolates with sweet little hearts embossed on top. I’m going to feel the love that permeates my life.

And I’m going to send it back out into the world: to you.

(T-1021)

A Cosmic Reminder – Day Eighty Nine

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments
A “Nothing” – (c) Karl D. Weikel

A Cosmic Reminder 

Life is weird.

It’s just strange how you can be going along, living your life, basically minding your own business and doing your best to be as conscious as possible, when – thwack!– you get hit upside the head and challenged to hold your center.

That happened to me today.

And it wasn’t until I got home this evening that I felt the repercussions and even fully realized I’d received a spiritual thwack! upside the head – a cosmic reminder of why I engage in the discipline and commitment of my 1111 Devotion.

An Unexpected Flood of Sadness

Come to think of it, I was hit with the overwhelming wave of emptiness as I was driving home from my session. I told myself it was because I hadn’t eaten all day, but I knew that didn’t ring true. It’s not an unusual occurrence for me not to eat on days I see clients, and it doesn’t bother me at all. The truth was, I was missing Karl. And it was creating a pit-in-the-center-of-my-chest kind of sadness.

The short explanation is that my client had a connection to my son Karl that they didn’t even realize. When the appointment was initially set up, I’d had this vague tickle at the back of my mind. In the minutes before they arrived for their appointment, I literally wrote in my journal, “Why does that name sound familiar to me?”

I whipped out my phone and searched the name in my email, just to see if perhaps I’d seen this person a long, long time ago, perhaps in another context, unrelated to my shamanic practice. Maybe as their lawyer?

Nope. No record.

Realizing the Connection

There was no recognition on either of our parts when they arrived. They didn’t even mention that my name sounded familiar, so I shushed myself, opened Sacred Space, and began the session.

It didn’t take long before I realized that their son and Karl had had a strong bond back in high school. Indeed, so strong that, the last time Karl was home, the final Christmas and New Year’s holidays he spent in Pennsylvania, indeed, on Earth, he’d made a point of getting together with this friend specifically to give him permission to imitate Karl’s artwork – a unique art form he’d developed and honed since elementary school and eventually won awards for in high school, as well as in independent juried art shows.

An Uncommon Generosity of Spirit

I’d always wondered why Karl went out of his way to give this friend his ‘blessing,’ so to speak. I’d been shocked when he told me he intended to do it; and was even more shocked when he followed through with it. Perhaps on some deep level, both of us knew his time was growing short. Did he know? Did I know? It’s impossible for me to answer.

It was such a profoundly magnanimous gesture – loving and kind and generous. Made even more so because he’d only discovered through others that his art was being copied by this friend; his friend hadn’t disclosed it himself.

So why would he do that, I wondered. Why would he make it OK to be copied, imitated?

I remember standing in the kitchen and asking Karl, “Why?”

And I distinctly remember him shrugging and saying, “It doesn’t really matter in the end, Mom.” I just looked at him, struggling to keep myself from saying all the things that shrieked in my mind. Of course it mattered, I wanted to say.

Non-attachment and Serenity

“He knows,” Karl continued. “And I want him to know I know. But I also want him to know I give him permission.”

How could I argue with that? Karl’s attitude was intensely serene and – there are those words again – generous; magnanimous.

It was not unlike how I’d felt in Ann Arbor the year before, when I watched him give away to a homeless person the food we’d wrapped for him to take on the long bus ride back to California.

His non-attachment and serenity were profound. And I have to admit, I struggled to find them in my own heart. I wanted to feel ok about it; it was his art, after all. His talent and imagination. His vision.

In the End…

I was sad to notice that very same friend failed to come to Karl’s Gathering, held only two weeks after his death. Their meeting had occurred only ten months earlier. Surely it gave him pause?

And I was sad to realize my client didn’t even recognize his name. It was as if they’d never been friends.

I miss Karl. I miss his spirit. And most of all, I don’t want him to disappear.

Which reminds me of the entire point behind my 1111 Devotion.

(T-1022)

“Disappearing” – Photo by L. Weikel

Evening Silence – Day Twenty Six

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 6 Comments

 

Evening Silence

I’m sitting here trying really hard to think of something even remotely interesting to write about tonight.

I’ve turned off the tv much earlier than usual (or at least, earlier than I used to), as I’ve done every evening since beginning the 1111 Devotion project, because it’s just way too distracting to have it on while I’m trying to write and thus the only way I’ll get the job done.

I must admit: I love listening to the silence, especially the silence that descends upon a room immediately upon clicking the tv into oblivion. It never fails to soothe me, no matter what I’m doing in the moment. And just like now, I wonder why I don’t seek evening silence out more often.

I’m calling it evening silence because I don’t seem to ever be tempted to turn the tv on during the day. Of course, a lot of times I’m not in a position to turn one on during the day. I’m not bringing this up as any ‘badge of honor’ sort of thing. It’s just a fact that I only rarely become aware of – but am appreciating much more often as a result of engaging my commitment.

Appreciation: A By-Product of My Act of Power

I guess you could say this appreciation of the evening silence is an unexpected but delightful by-product of this Act of Power. And in a way, it is a means of garnering power.

Even if I might be otherwise watching a program that edifies me in some way, I don’t think I get as much out of it, quite honestly, as I do the silence. Because if I lapse into the normal routine I was in prior to making this commitment, I would retire upstairs as soon as I turned off the tv. I might read my book for a few minutes, but in truth, my actual presence in and appreciation of the evening silence was minimal.

I find myself thinking back on when our sons were growing up, especially the two older ones, Karl and Maximus. Back when Karl was in elementary school, we didn’t get cable at first. We were limited to the three channels (3, 6, and 10) of the major networks, and maybe some UHF channels. Granted, that didn’t last long. But I know it made a difference in the way we spent our time.

Indeed, I sometimes wonder – especially lately – whether that is not a significant liability to my efforts to write the sequel to Owl Medicinehttps://amzn.to/2M6st6B. I’ve become addicted to the political news shows, especially. In some ways, I feel it is my civic responsibility to remain aware and informed. And goodness knows, it becomes harder and harder to peel our eyes away from the latest ‘news.’

But really, I have to ask myself: Is it worth my time? Wouldn’t I rather be spending time in the evening silence, immersed in one of my beloved books? Or writing one of my own?

Yeah, I think I would.

(T-1085)

Day Twenty Two (T-1089) – Housekeeping

Posted on by Lisa Weikel 2 Comments

 

Housekeeping

Nope, I’m not going to be writing about my vacuuming, dusting, smudging, or laundry habits, which are vast and impressive, I hasten to assure you. (Right.)

When I put ‘Housekeeping’ in the title to this post, I’m actually referring to this blog. To this Endeavor of Dedication, this Act of Power.

It’s funny. On the one hand, I’m sitting here writing my 22nd consecutive daily blog post; something I would never have imagined myself actually doing: writing and posting every single day for 22 straight days.

On the other hand, though – there are the remaining 1089 consecutive days staring me in the face. When I look at things from that perspective, I’m just a baby. Really. To invoke a Carpenters’ ear-worm for those of you of a certain age, “We’ve only just begun…!” (You’re welcome.)

To that end, though, I must admit to being a total neophyte when it comes to pretty much all things blog. For instance, it seems kind of stupid to keep naming each post by its simple “Day number” (and the number of days remaining for me to complete my 1111 Devotion). But it does keep me on track and my eyes on the prize. Or rather, the destination. The prize is the doing; I do know that.

But I’m wondering if this then just looks like a bunch of gobbledygook to someone happening upon my blog. What would compel them to click on any of my posts, when they are all just titled with a generic day/count? I’m also compelled to think about indexing. What if some day I want to refer back to the post I wrote about ice cream, for instance? Or de-cluttering my bookshelves?

Last night I at least put “Books” behind the day/countdown.

I don’t know. This is probably a ridiculous thing for me to be writing about tonight. But it’s on my mind; and I’d like to set up my titles in an interesting, if not compelling (that seems too high a bar to shoot for in a blog title) manner that is consistent, but informative, and maybe even ‘searchable?’ And that’s where the relevance of the remaining number of posts comes in: I’ve barely scratched the surface at 22. So, now is the time for me to be figuring this out, since I don’t want to have to go back after a couple of hundred to re-title them (if that’s even possible).

And yeah, I guess I could’ve just kept this to myself and not dredged this mundane aspect of blogging into your lives. But heck – we’re in this for the long haul (please, I hope so), and maybe some of you will even be inspired to engage in a similar effort. So you can learn from my mistakes!

(Here I would like to note that I am noticing some posts on FB by a couple of you who read this, which also seem to be a daily devotion… YEA for you! They are lovely – joyful! – and thoughtful.)

So, you will see how this shakes out over the next few days. We’ll see if I stick to the format I’ve used since Day Two (T-1109), incorporate it into a new format, or change it all together. I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seats.

I don’t know. I have to wonder if something ‘big’ is going to happen this week. I feel this sense of edginess, almost like I don’t want to get into anything too deeply. I didn’t intend this post to be so mundane. But for whatever reason, this is what it felt right to write about tonight.

What I was going to write about was ‘Timing’ and/or ‘Trusting’ when we should or shouldn’t say something. Guess I’ll save one of those for tomorrow.

Thank you for sticking with me.