1111

Pattern of Numbers – Day 902

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Face in the Clouds – Nilch’i? – Photo: L. Weikel

Pattern Of Numbers

Surely there’s something special about tonight’s post. The pattern of numbers associated with it merits attention. For here I am, writing every night, no matter how tired I am or how mundane my thoughts, all because I promised to write 1111 consecutive posts in tribute to my son; in other words, my 1111 Devotion. Today’s post is # 902 – in numerology, this adds up to an 11. As can be seen at the bottom of this entry, since this is post # 902, that means we have T-209 left. Another 11.

I know, I know. “It’s numbers, Lisa. Also known as math.”  It’s also a lot of portals. A lot of doorways. The double ones create a space to move forward, an opportunity to leave, an invitation to enter another dimension.

Sometimes things aren’t as cut and dried as we would like them to be.

Sometimes the obvious is a superficial distraction hiding something really profound.

Something Special

All day today I had this feeling that the day was, in some way, something special. The air appeared to have a crystalline quality to it. (Or maybe that was only when I realized my glasses were covered with pollen.) Gee! How amazing everything looked when I took them off!

Or maybe it’s the eerie realization that that single tone resonating in the back of my mind is actually just one single chime on our porch being nudged by the barely perceptible breeze outside.

Something tells me that the clarity of the day both visually and aurally was connected in some way to the tremendously powerful winds that blew through the area yesterday. New energy arrived. A shift in attitude. A door opened.

Winds of Spirit

Perhaps I should consult the oracle of the Winds – my friend, Renee Baribeau’s, book, Winds of Spirit*.

Hmm. Randomly opening the book for a clue, I happened upon Nilch’i (Navajo) – the Wind of Intuition. Renee suggests: “This wind can be conjured up for inspiration, organization, or ritual, and to provide strength when needed.”

I wonder if we were visited by Nilch’i yesterday. Feels like a distinct possibility.

*affiliate link

(T-209)

Portals – Day 731

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11:11 Medallion – Photo: L. Weikel

Portals

Today, of course, was the 11th day of November. 11/11. A day of portals, doorways, openings in time and space.

A day doesn’t go by that I don’t contemplate – if every so briefly – how our eldest son, Karl, facing the myriad array of portals on that fateful evening of 11/11/11 at 11:11 p.m., decided on an unconscious level that all those doorways to utterly new experiences beckoning to him were simply too enticing.

Timing and circumstances.

A New Perspective

I’ve always been aware that Karl died on Veterans Day. He didn’t serve in any of the armed forces, so I never sensed any particular connection between his death and the celebration of this national holiday.

This year, however, my attention was drawn to the fact that Veterans’ Day used to be called Armistice Day. Somewhere deep in my memory banks I’m sure I knew this; surely I learned it in a high school history class. But the holiday was changed to Veterans Day in 1954 – five years before I was born – and in the ‘70s, it seems like there was a lot more focus on either the here and now or the future, and much less on the past. In the ‘70s, World War I seemed a distant memory, eclipsed by the fact that World War II proved it was not, in fact, the ‘War to End All Wars,’ and both the Korean War and Vietnam shunted WWI even further down the memory hole.

Perhaps because of the pandemic we’re experiencing and the coordination between Armistice Day and the Spanish Flu of 1918, Armistice Day has been catching my attention more this year. Even when our Covid-19 was just taking root here and around the world, in the first three months of 2020, I remember reading about the dangers of a ‘second wave.’

Second Wave

Of course, back in March many in our country were (and still are) in denial that a pandemic is raging through our country. The thought that a ‘second wave,’ exponentially greater than the first could hit us in the fall of 2020 and winter of 2021, was pretty well ignored. But I remember reading stories at the time about Armistice Day – November 11th, 1918 – and how people gathered in great throngs throughout the country, mostly without masks, to celebrate the cessation of fighting. Shortly after this great celebration, the pandemic spread like wildfire, killing more than had died in the war itself.

It was actually only this very morning that I realized that Armistice Day was established because the agreement to cease fire between the warring nations in WWI was formalized at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. In fact, one article I read this morning even suggested that it was at the 11th minute of the 11th hour.

I didn’t realize the significance of all of those 11s in the establishment of Armistice Day.

One definition given for the word armistice is: An agreement for the cessation of active hostilities between two or more belligerents. (www.brittanica.com)

This calls to mind the significance of all the 11s. The confluence of all these portals created an opportunity for the world to work together, to walk through a doorway to new ways of working together and creating a better world.

And yet…those portals also opened up the citizens of the world to the spread of a deadly contagion. Why? A big reason was a reluctance to wear masks, as if the call to do so was some sort of oppression.

Natural portal – Photo: L. Weikel

More Reflection

So much of what I’m writing right now is just pouring out of my fingertips and demanding greater reflection.

There is something to the concept of thresholds being created (or at least represented) by the number 11 and the opportunities or perils, depending upon one’s perspective, that await discovery ‘on the other side.’

Perhaps I should have started writing this particular post a bit earlier this evening. Maybe I’ll engage in further contemplation in the days to come. All I know is, I feel like there’s something bigger right now for us to be looking at and perhaps learning from history.

Are we capable of moving through the portals available to us, calling a ceasefire to the insanity we’ve endured for the past four years (or more), and choosing to embrace a new vision of a future of cooperation?

(T-380)

Cool Numbers – Day 707

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T & M’s Exquisite Dahlias – Photo: L. Weikel

Cool Numbers

I wasn’t initially intending upon writing about the cool numbers associated with this blog post, but they caught my eye as I saved the first draft. I can’t remember if I thought about these same numbers when I was ‘only’ on my 404th post, with 707 left to write.

Apparently not. I just checked, and the post I wrote on that day was all about the Winter Solstice (2019) and my participation in the I AM Solstice Symposium the next day.

As I recall, the Solstice last year was a day filled with intensity and drama. It was unpleasant and tough to witness, even if vicariously, for I cared very much for the safety and well-being of those involved. Imagine my surprise when I discovered a few weeks later that it had all been an elaborate ruse, a ‘hoax,’ if you will, apparently strung out over months – if not years.

This has me hopscotching to the upcoming Winter Solstice, nine weeks from tomorrow (technically ‘today,’ when this is read). There is a major astrological aspect that’s going to occur on that day, December 21st, and while I can’t remember what it is at the moment, I know it is significant.

I’ll check on it and get back to you with details.

In the Meantime

In the meantime, let’s face it. December 21st is nine long weeks away. Yes, in some ways it is but a stone’s throw from now. But good grief, I do believe we are all weary, wary, and wise enough to realize that an unbelievable amount of change – for good or for ill, or perhaps both? – can occur in that period of time.

Indeed, I do want to call upon all of you to please, no matter where you live – in the United States or elsewhere in the world – please take good care of yourselves. Social distance. Wear a mask whenever you’re out and about. Only go out and about as infrequently as possible. Zealously wash your hands.

We hear these admonitions all the time, but my spidey-senses are pricking my ears and I’m feeling a sense of urgency that we double and triple our personal and collective vigilance.

Maybe it’s the 707/404 combo that’s bringing home to me the 1111 of it all.

Stay safe, my friends. And drink in the cosmic color and energetic vibration of these exquisite dahlias when you need a boost.

Friends Sharing the Sweetness – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-404)

Mother’s Day Message – 546

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Buttercup – Photo: L. Weikel

Mother’s Day Message

Since I finally revealed just the other day the most profound and reliable way Karl uses to communicate with me since he drowned on 11/11/11, I thought I might share with you my most recent experience of this connection.

Mind you: I never know when it’s going to happen, although he almost always ‘comes through’ on days of special meaning or when I’m feeling particularly raw or vulnerable. So it wasn’t as if I was expecting to hear from him today. In fact, since the communications seem to be getting fewer and further between as the years go by, I rarely expect and only sometimes hope to hear from him anymore. I guess, deep down, I feel his soul has moved on and is busily engaged elsewhere.

Setting the Scene

I was driving to the local health food store this morning to pick up my weekly milk delivery. As I was driving up the road from my home, about a mile away, I received a text from my middle son, wishing me a happy Mother’s Day and telling me he loves and appreciates me. I see the text and my heart swells. Of course, I don’t respond; I’m driving. I just…smile to myself.

I do not have any idea what song had been playing on my iPhone at that time (through my car’s stereo system), but it ended. Right then. And a new song started playing. As soon as I heard the first chord, I felt it in my heart. And then I heard the words:

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

Moby

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors

He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors

He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors
He’ll open doors…

Source: LyricFind

Whoa.

I’ll be honest. I played it twice. OK. Maybe three times. Whatever. It got me up to the store, where I went in, got my milk, and returned to the car.

The Journey Home

Yeah. My heart was hurting. But I felt that Karl’s heart was hurting too. In fact, it felt like he sent that to me to hear, right after M sent me that text, because Karl couldn’t reach out and touch me, hug me, again.

But I have to admit – reading the lyrics when I got home and started writing this post, I’m sort of, well, in awe.

As I drove home, though, I decided not to dwell on how much either of our hearts were hurting. So I just let the next song play.

And there it was. Another message. Exactly what I needed him to follow up with: Give Me Love, by George Harrison. And I venture to say, we all need as much hope and help coping with this heavy load as we can get.

Give Me Love (Lyrics)

Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with
Heart and soul
Om m m m m m m m m m m m m m
M m m my lord . . .
Please take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you
Won’t you please
Oh won’t you
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with
Heart and soul
Om m m m m m m m m m m m m m
M m m my lord . . .
Please take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Shahin George / Rainey Fatima Lorencz / Rakascan Marko
Give Me Love lyrics © Universal Music- Mgb Songs

 

Thanks, Karl. I love you – and your brothers – so very, very much. Your communication was a gift of heart and soul.

I’m doing my best to listen – and I hope I understand you.

(T-565)

Hope – Day 475

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Cecilia June – Photo: Cecilia’s Daddy

Hope

Nothing says “I have hope for the future!” like bringing a child into the world.

And so it is that someone very dear to me has brought a ray of light, an infusion of hope, into the world today – and I could not be more thrilled or grateful.

Cecelia June was born today – this most special “Leap Year” day – making her forever a child who will always be making choices for herself. For instance, on those years that her birthday doesn’t appear on the calendar, she will choose: February 28th? Or March 1st?

If she’s as feisty as her mother, I suspect she’ll say, “BOTH!”

A Connection to Someone

Funny thing, this little girl. We (her mother and I) knew she was on the way before we knew she was coming. And that’s because we were given a ‘heads up’ by the person to whom I’ve dedicated each and every one of these 475 blog posts.

Yup.

He knew before any of the rest of us knew. And he made a point of coming through someone, in a completely unexpected and surprising circumstance, to tell me how excited he was for this future addition to the family to arrive. And I swear to you, not 24 hours went by before I received a text from ‘Cecelia’s mom’ – out of the blue – telling me she’d had a dream about Karl that night– a dream having to do with bringing a baby into the world. A very short while later…

So little Cecelia June will always and forever have a connection to her “Uncle” Karl. Not only did he know she was coming before anyone else, but her birthdate and time will always share something with him as well. She was born on the 29th (of February, no less – no mean feat, that, being born in February!) at 5:15 p.m.

Let’s do the math: 2+9=11 and 5+1+5=11.

Hmmm. 11/11. What a ‘coincidence.’

Welcome, Cecelia June. Your decision to be born at this crucial time in our evolution brings us all hope. And joy. “Bring it, feisty one!” (Check out that clenched fist. She’s not going to take guff from anyone. Ever.) The resemblance to a certain iconic photo is uncanny.

 

 

 

(T-636)

Lest I Forget – Day 338

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My DMV Number – Photo: L. Weikel

Lest I Forget

Lest I forget why I’m sitting here at 11:29 p.m., scanning my experiences of the day to come up with something at least remotely interesting to write about, I need only glance at a photo I took this afternoon while sitting in the Dublin office of the PA Department of Motor Vehicles.

Karl, my son, has an unerring ability to hone right into my consciousness to plant a flag when I need it most.

1111 Devotion

The reason I’m sitting here on my overstuffed couch, doing my best to pull myself back from the brink of imminent sleep instead of tucking myself into a cuddle sandwich between Karl and Spartacus, is my son. I’m awake and trying to write something at least half coherent for you to read because I made a commitment. I accepted an internal challenge to engage in an Act of Power. I made the decision to engage in my 1111 Devotion.

And so it is that a photo on my iPhone once again saves the day. It brings me back, front and center, to precisely why I am sitting here listening to a screech owl wail its plaintive cry just outside our door instead of falling asleep.

It brings me back to the magic of life and the utter amazingness of what some might call coincidence and I might call communication.

Real ID

I recently received my reissued social security card in the mail. I’d had to go to the Social Security office some weeks ago to request a new one because producing your social security card is a non-negotiable requirement, among others, to securing a ‘Real ID.’ Apparently my regular Pennsylvania driver’s license will no longer be valid ID enabling me to, among other things, board a plane for a domestic flight as of 2020.

All afternoon, I kept thinking to myself that I needed to get over to the Licensing Center to take care of business. In my excitement to have received my new s.s. card, I forgot to bring my passport with me. So I had to drive all the way back home, retrieve that, and return yet again to the PennDoT.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I looked at my ticket upon signing in: ‘I111.’ I had to smile. Karl had been very present all weekend, with all of us convening here for the weekend. Each of us at various times brought him up and remarked how ‘close’ and almost tangible he felt this past weekend.

Here he was. Announcing his presence.

To Mention or Not to Mention

When my number was called, I approached the counter and was greeted by a young woman with a big smile and open, friendly manner. I’d tucked my ticket away in my wallet, and when I did so, briefly considered whether I would mention the significance of the randomly assigned number. “Nah,” I thought. “Too random and wooey for the DMV.”

So I took a double take when I heard my staff person laughingly say to her colleague in the next cubicle, “4:27! That’s my birthday!” (To be clear, she was referring to the fact that it was 4:27 p.m.)

At that moment, I realized not only that she was a kindred spirit in her own right, but that she also would totally appreciate the number of my ticket and its relevance to my life. So when I stood before her and she confirmed my ticket number, I was not surprised when she immediately exclaimed at how the capital ‘I’ looked like a one, thus creating an 1111.

Yes, she brought it up first. So I listened to the nudge.

Sharing the Magic

I rolled with her awareness of the ticket looking like it was 1111 and told her why that number has particular significance to me. Instead of having her look at me askance or judging me as being a woo-ey crystal wearing tree hugger (guilty as charged), we had an amazing discussion that touched upon loss, death, numerology, and a couple other fascinating topics.

Indeed, she relayed a story about a colleague of hers who retired only last year, who lost her 30-something son to a hit and run accident. Sudden. Horrific. Tragic. Just that day, she’d spoken to her friend and found herself worrying about how depressed her friend sounded.

When I mentioned that having the ‘1111’ show up today was my son’s way of connecting with me, she told me a lovely story about how her friend has eschewed the concept of going to a medium or psychic. It’s just not something she has any desire to do. Yet she had been feeling very unsettled over her son’s death – and felt like maybe he wasn’t at peace.

Well, apparently a friend of hers went to some kind of an event – or maybe it was even a private session, I’m not sure – and this woman’s son very clearly came through and gave the friend a message, which he asked her to relay back to his mother.

My DMV friend could barely contain her delight at the shift and comfort she’d witnessed her friend experience as a result of this communication.

They Find a Way

When my new friend commented on how surprised she was that her friend still had no desire to go to a medium herself, I couldn’t help but point out that perhaps there was no need. She’d been encouraged to see a medium to allay her worries and help her with her grief, but she’d refused. Her son, knowing that she needed to hear from him, very cleverly arranged to get his message through to her via her friend – who was open to going to a medium.

He knew she needed to hear from him and he found a way.

Love finds a way. And if Karl hadn’t reached out, sent me love, and rippled my awareness today, I would never have heard this story and had such a heartfelt conversation. At the DMV.

Lest I forget why I do what I do (wink).

(T-773)

Following the Breadcrumbs – Day Five (T-1106)

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Following the Breadcrumbs

Following is a glimpse into how I sometimes use my journal to put together the seemingly random pieces of information and messages that cross the threshold of my perception.

Last Sunday, shortly after choosing my “cards for the day,” I found myself writing in my journal about the epiphany I’d just had as to how I could honor the memory of my son Karl’s life by engaging in a creative devotional practice – in my case, writing blog posts – “for at least one year (but perhaps 1111 days?),” I wrote. Just the thought of that made my stomach drop.

Where in the world did that cockamamie idea come from? Turned out I’d happened to accidentally click on a post by Seth Godin earlier that morning that had something to do with doing “it” 1000 times. And “it” was writing a blog post.

Seth Godin’s Advice About 1000 Posts

The full title of the post? “The first 1000 are the most difficult.”

“For years I’ve been explaining to people that

daily blogging is an extraordinarily useful

habit. Even if no one reads your blog, the

act of writing It is clarifying, motivating,

and (eventually) fun.”

 

The date Seth’s blog landed in my inbox? October 31st. Why had I saved that post? And why had I just clicked on it that morning?

Yet Another Clue, Another Breadcrumb

As these connections gained clarity in my mind and I started writing them out in my journal, this happened:

“AND THEN – just NOW (I swear), I couldn’t remember Seth’s last name as I wrote the above paragraph, so I looked in my gmail. Couldn’t find what I’d accidentally clicked on this morning (about the 1000) and I wondered if I deleted it. So I searched “Seth” (to get his last name) and the blog post that appeared first and quite prominently (because its title was at the top of the page, and in bold, because I hadn’t read it) was from November 8th and was entitled “If What You’re Doing Isn’t Working.”

“No shit. Seth’s Blog:

“If what you’re doing isn’t working:

Perhaps it’s time to do something else.

 

Not a new job, or a new city,

but perhaps a different story.

 

A story about possibility and sufficiency.

A story about connection and trust.

A story about for and with

instead of at or to.

 

Bootstrapping your way to a new story about

the world around you is one of the most

difficult things you’ll ever do. Our current

story was built piecemeal, over time, the result

of vivid interactions and hard-fought lessons.

 

But if that story isn’t getting you where you

need to go, then what’s it for?

 

It’s entirely possible that the story we tell ourselves

all day every day is true and accurate and useful,

the very best representation of the world as it actually is.

 

It’s possible, but vanishingly unlikely.

 

What if we search for a useful story instead?

A story that helps us cause the change we seek

to make in the world, and to feel good doing it.

 

If you can’t solo bootstrap it, get some help

to install a new story.

It’s worth it.”

After writing this out in my journal just as I did above, I wrote: “Ummm, wow? And as I look back on the search results I see that the “1000” blog post was sent on October 31st. Why in the world did I just see that this morning?? And HOW DID I MISS THE ONE I JUST QUOTED VERBATIM?”

I Have to Give Karl Credit

“Yeah – maybe this is Karl’s way of getting through to me? Asking me to engage in a daily DEVOTION that, by honoring it and my devotion to him and HIS creative life, will open me up to honoring myself and my creative life.

Perhaps this is a new approach to MY story? Is it possible that I just followed some magical breadcrumbs?

If so, THANK YOU. Thank You, Karl, Spirit, my Guides and Guardians. Now please, please help me harness the discipline to engage in this devotion. Hmmm, maybe that’s why JAGUAR was underneath my contrary Dolphin this morning!?”

And that is the way I use journaling to help me follow the magical breadcrumbs in my life.

**It is 11:57 p.m., so please forgive this not being my best effort!