Procrastination – Day 1108

Puppies luxuriating fireside – Photo: L. Weikel

Procrastination

Oh yeah, baby. You have to know that’s my middle name. You may think it’s Joy (or maybe you didn’t know that), but either way, I’m here to tell you, procrastination takes on some peculiar characteristics in my life.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m realizing I don’t always have the same fundamental emotion motivating me to be…demotivated. You would think it’s primarily founded on avoidance of pain or unpleasantness. And I guess that’s true for some things I procrastinate on, such as inputting data into my Quicken or mowing the lawn when the grass is tall and the weather hot and sticky.

But even as I sit here and try to come up with stuff I really don’t like to do – and routinely procrastinate on – I find myself thinking, “Yeah, but when I finally end up doing those things, it feels so good.” I am often flooded with a sense of relief that I can cross them off my list.

And yet, that’s actually the least influential ‘good feeling’ I have after completing something I dragged my feet to do. I love the feeling of being organized or the satisfaction of seeing and smelling fresh cut grass. I love how the wildflowers growing in the middle of the lawn seem to duck the blade and spring up triumphantly about half an hour after I’ve put the mower away.

I’m serious about that, too! I used to feel annoyed by those wily wildflowers. Now I celebrate their resilience (as well as their color and diversity).

The Flip Side

The other side, or perhaps fundamental cause, of my procrastination is something I think I wrote about seemingly a million years ago – or at least early on in my 1111 Devotion. I guess I didn’t call it procrastination then. I think I called it hoarding. (Note! In finding the link to the hoarding post, I realize it was written way back in 2013 – well before embarking on my 1111 Devotion.)

And deep down, I think most of my procrastination is actually rooted in a desire to hold onto the feeling of potential, promise, and opportunity that comes when poised at the beginning of a new activity. I love the feeling that anything is possible. As a result, sometimes I linger a little too long in the imaginal realm. (Ha ha – spell check refuses to acknowledge that imaginal is a word.)

But this desire to linger also applies to tasks or projects I engage in often (or ‘should’ allow myself more often) – not just to new activities. And that’s actually the feeling and type of endeavor I’ve allowed to get a slow burn on lately.

I love to really dig into things, especially thoughts and feelings. Motivations. The real and honest stuff that informs our choices and helps define our reality. Writing in my journal is the way I make sense of the world, because writing in my journal is where I allow myself to dig deeply into my feelings and motivations.

And Then…

And then this happens: I forget where I was going with the thought that started this whole post. Now I see I’m going to barely have enough time to get it posted without it being bumped into the next day’s email.

Ugh.

OK, so I will end here for now. Maybe you’ll forgive me if I include some puppy photos.

I swear to you, this bottom one was taken only moments ago. No matter how many times I shift, they keep piling onto my left hand!

Writing Partners – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-3)