A Return – Day 907

Post-Yoga Serenity – Photo: L. Weikel

A Return

Today I experienced a taste of the way life used to be – a taste of something I totally took for granted. I experienced a return to something familiar.

I’ll be honest: the pandemic was merely an excuse. I’d slacked off outrageously for at least a year before the plague struck. And I can’t even articulate a reason. So the truth is even more heinous than the superficial appearance: before today, I hadn’t been to yoga in at least two years*.

I’m not even sure what finally motivated me to drag my carcass to the studio, but I finally relented. It was probably an inchoate sense that my time for slacking was over. Denial was no longer an option.

Getting Back On the Mat

The owner of the yoga studio was as surprised to see me walk in the door as I was to arrive there. When she asked me how I wanted to pay (for a single class or did I want to buy a package of five classes – or ten), I was tempted to just pay for one. Heck – I was skeptical I’d make it through a single class. I’m not kidding. You’d know I wasn’t kidding if you lived with me and could hear me groan like an elk in mating season whenever I get up off the floor.

But here I was – not even sitting on my map and warming up – being faced with making a commitment to the future.

While the two-year hiatus I’d just engaged in was indeed a long slog of ignoring my body’s need to stretch, I’d actually been worse at an earlier stage in my life. It wasn’t until my late 30s that I even contemplated doing yoga once a week. So technically, I’d already overcome a 20 year slug-a-thon.

Was This Time Different?

Getting back on the wagon now? Heck yeah.

I reminded myself what it was like after I went to my first yoga class back when I was 38 or so. I remembered the drive home that evening. My body was vibrating. I could feel myself sitting three inches taller behind the wheel of my car.

Through every pose, though, my mind had screamed, “I can’t do this! Oh my God! This is horrible! I hate this! I don’t want to do this anymore! Why am I here?”

And at the very same time as my mind screeched its outrage, my body was nearly weeping with relief. It was one of the strangest feelings I’ve ever witnessed and felt at the same time. I literally experienced the dichotomy between my mind’s resistance and my body’s relief.

Setting My Intention

So yeah, of course, my response was: “In for a penny; in for a pound. Even though I’m not sure whether I’ll make it through today’s class without weeping, sign me up for a ten-pack of classes.”

How was it, you might ask? Overall, it felt great. There were moments, I’ll admit, that were reminiscent of that first yoga class 25 years or so ago. But I have to say – I’ve been telling my body all day how grateful I am for her. She’s better than a Timex watch.

And since I’m not into selfies, nor would I abuse you, my dear readers, by subjecting you to shots of me doing yoga (ew – just the thought makes me shudder), I’m going to allow my cats (both living and deceased) to act out today’s class.

It felt delicious. This was a return that feels profoundly beneficial on many levels.

*And judging from this post, aside from the occasional ‘random’ yoga class, it’s actually been longer than two years that I engaged in this practice with any consistency whatsoever. Sad.

(T-204)