Month: September 2021

Unutterable Beauty – Day 1053

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 Sunset Filtered Only By Trees – Photo: L. Weikel

Unutterable Beauty

Last night I took a photo of the setting sun as its brilliant deep orange rays filtered through the trees on the edge of Stover State Park. I’m always questing to capture even a fraction of the unutterable beauty we encounter almost every day, especially when we walk. But my photos, although serviceable, only occasionally capture magic. Yesterday evening? I managed to capture a sunset akin to a rainbow, but not one.

My eyes keep calling me to return to this photo. My rational mind tells me I’ve taken a bazillion of these photos before. But for whatever reason, this particular one speaks to me in a way the others didn’t. Perhaps it’s the aubergine hues. They’re not often found spontaneously in sunsets. At least they’re not usually present in my photos of sunsets.

This photo has a magical tinge to it. That’s the only way I can describe it. Or maybe it’s not magical – maybe it’s more of a mystical vibe – almost as if I should almost be able to see into another realm if I look at it ‘just right.’

Road Trip

I had a chance to take a road trip today that took me west along Route I-80. As I passed through some of the mountains that ground and hold space for us here in Pennsylvania, I found my perspective shifting to such an extent that it felt like I was literally in the midst of a multi-dimensional work of art. The color palette selected by Mother Nature, coupled with what felt/looked like a skewed aspect to my depth perception almost made me pull onto the berm.

It didn’t look real. Or maybe it was all so acutely real that it made me ache with a longing I couldn’t identify.

I didn’t pull over. And I had no way of even trying to capture the essence of what I was experiencing in those moments. The best I can do is try to capture it with words, but even then, it just sounds like a paltry description of unutterable beauty as seen in my peripheral vision.

(T-58)

Eerie Synchronicity – Day 1052

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Spartacus & Sheila; Photo: L. Weikel

Eerie Synchronicity

The night we buried Spartacus, I wrote in my post that Cletus behaved exactly the same way at Spartacus’s burial as he had at Sheila’s. And for all his cranky bad-assery, it was poignant and moving to us humans that he so obviously (and identically) paid tribute to both of his canine siblings at their spiritual sendoffs. I mentioned that Tiffany also experienced an eerie synchronicity between the two funerals, but I would share the details in a separate post.

Karl’s Raccoon Card – Photo: L. Weikel

The Backdrop

In case you’re not aware of it, there’s a strong association our whole family shares that connects Karl (our son) and Raccoons. Indeed, Raccoon was definitely one of Karl’s power animals. As a result, after he died, I created ‘memorial’ cards (very similar to the Catholic ‘mass cards’ I grew up with) that feature a raccoon on one side and Karl’s photo and a poem from Medicine Cards on the other.

Never having met Karl in person, Tiffany is especially aware of the Karl-Raccoon connection.

Cute little guy – Photo: L.Weikel

Sheila’s With Me

The evening we had our burial ceremony for our sweet Sheila last year (at the end of September, as a matter of fact), Tiffany and M had attended a previously scheduled tour of Grounds for Sculpture that afternoon. When they arrived here at the house for the ceremony, Tiffany eagerly recounted an extraordinary encounter they’d had only an hour or two earlier.

While meandering through the Grounds for Sculpture, two raccoons walked right up to Tiffany. Literally, as if hailing an old friend. Enchanted, both because they were adorable in their own right but also because she was keenly aware of the Karl/Raccoon connection, she gestured for M to join her. My son, being a tad oblivious, made his way over to Tiffany but failed to notice them before they scampered away.

M and T continued meandering through the park. Tiffany, already feeling something magical was unfolding, soon realized that the raccoons were tracking them. As M and T made their way along the path, the two raccoons followed them in the woods next to the path for several hundred yards along the water. Every once in a while the creatures made themselves noticeably visible to M and T, almost as if to flag them down and say, “Hey! Look at us! Pay attention!”

Finally, M noticed them. It was as if their job was accomplished. Tiffany felt it was an unmistakable message from Karl that he and Sheila were reunited – and all was well. We all definitely concurred. No question about it; Karl and Sheila had enjoyed a special bond.

Spartacus Is Here Too

Following our ceremony for Spartacus last week, I received an excited text from Tiffany. On her way home – you guessed it – two raccoons had crossed in front of her car, stopping to glance pointedly in her direction. Yet again, it was a sign; Karl was assuring us that all was well and our beloved Spartacus had joined him (and Sheila) in the Spirit world.

What a delightful, if slightly eerie, synchronicity. Two raccoons making a point of being SEEN, in two different places (two different states, even!), and both times on the exact evening of us burying our beloved Boston Terriers – one year apart. Thank you, Karl. Thank you, Raccoon. And thank you, Tiffany, for paying attention and appreciating the magic!

As we are fond of saying in our family, YCMTSU.

 

(T-59)

Momentous Week – Day 1051

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Skyrunner Leaping Over Obstacles – Photo: L. Weikel

Momentous Week

No matter how you look at it, this is going to be a momentous week in the history of our country. I know, I know. It’s as if we live in a land of hyperbole anymore. “The most consequential election.” “ The worst (and most) wildfires ever.” “The scariest pandemic in a century.” We all know I could fill the page with the myriad examples of extremes being exceeded we find ourselves dealing with every day.

All of which is why I don’t toss out that first sentence lightly.

So much has changed in the past five years or so (and that’s only the most accelerated change) that it’s virtually guaranteed that the direction our country takes by the end of this week could easily mark a mass transformation of the trajectory of our country. We will either be poised to meet the future with optimism via a change of perspective and values or we will be hamstrung by the old way of doing everything and subject to oppression by the moneyed few.

Infrastructure Impacts All of Us

If our lawmakers pass both infrastructure bills, we will begin addressing climate change as a priority, thereby enormously benefiting the planet and humanity but also, on a smaller scale, creating a huge new sector of quality jobs that will finally begin re-growing the middle class.

If the entire Biden agenda is not enacted and the more ambitious of the two bills is ‘postponed’ (read: smothered), a startlingly large portion of our country will plunge into even greater despair than many of us imagined possible during the Trump presidency. Those most disappointed and despairing will include vast swaths of precisely those who profess cynicism and mistrust of ‘the government.’ I truly believe most people who hold extreme views of our country are actually people who have lost hope that anyone will actually pass laws that benefit them.

They no longer believe that our country is one where those who commit great crimes are held accountable. How many of us despair of ever seeing justice truly meted out to those most egregiously and blatantly giving the finger to all of us who do actually play by the rules?

Held Hostage

Now? Let’s face it. We are being held hostage by a cynical minority that cares only about its ability to wield power and nothing about the common good. They don’t care about us.

We have to care. It is up to all of us to stop believing the lies and stop cowering in fear of each other. The only cheaters are those accusing everyone else of cheating. The actual liars are those caught lying over and over to all of us – but are never held accountable.

Those who are busy stoking our fears of anyone who doesn’t look like us are the ones who want us to give up on our country (and fellow citizens), baselessly reject our long-standing ability to conduct free and fair elections, and smear our internal and international reputation for being a place where honest work, integrity and innovation are rewarded and celebrated.

The Outlook

I’m sure you haven’t noticed that I’m fired up about both the stakes involved in passage of the infrastructure bills as well as the craven brinksmanship and utter disregard for our country being shown by the Republicans’ refusal to raise the debt ceiling. Their behavior is akin to a fanatic holding a gun to their own head. And the filibuster is a relic that is killing our democracy.

So what is the outlook as this week unfolds? What might be in store for us as the battle for our democracy unfolds before our eyes? I asked Ellen Lorenzi-Prince’s Tarot of the Crone for insight, since a Crone is probably the only one brave enough to look this stuff in the face and call it the way she sees it. This is what she said:

I – Magician – Tarot of the Crone by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince

I – Magician

I am the Something

That comes from Nothing

I am the Mistress of Illusion

I am the Mistress of Reality

I am the One

Who Passes between

A mask with living eyes bursts out from the darkness of a cave. The Magician is the force that can manifest itself out of the void and out into the world. She is the ability to appear and act as one wills, the confidence to live one’s own life and no other and the power of originality. But the mask is also illusion. Your very body is the mask your soul wears, how your soul happened into flesh at the time of your birth. The Magician is one who knows both reality and illusion and who crosses between.

The animal of the mask is the Crone manifesting in the form of her familiar, her first companion and her aide in the making of magic. Magic crosses the boundaries between worlds, bringing the energies of spirit into form and dissolving forms back into essences. Magic will do the same for you, if you have the courage and the confidence to take it into your hands and shape it to your will.

The Outcome

Four of Swords – Tarot of the Crone by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince

Four of Swords – Reason

Necessity to guide me

Purpose to ground me

Construction begins

Construction to last

Four blades of a windmill stretch in each direction in a gentle sky. Solidity in thinking is represented by Reason. There are no figures in this card, illustrating how reason’s products and effects can appear disassociated from human sensibility. Yet the card also shows how the power of logical thought and planning can benefit humanity, by harnessing natural power and building the structures that define civilization. Clarity of thought, separated from both desire and daily routine, will redefine the problem and provide the steps necessary to resolve it.

The Obvious

My interpretation of the guidance represented by these cards is that if anyone has the ability to be a Magician in the circumstances our country and Congress is facing, it’s Madame Speaker. Love her or hate her, she is a Magician when it comes to doing her job. And unlike another arguable “Master” of the realm, she genuinely has the wellbeing of the populace at heart. She actually cares about regular people and wants all of us to have a better quality of life – and hope for our future.

The Outlook card, the Four of Swords, sure seems to indicate that perhaps – just maybe – our country really may begin the process of rebuilding our infrastructure after this week. We will begin to harness our natural power, which includes our innovation and optimism. Given even half a fighting chance, our country can rebound from the pall that’s come over the majority of our population over the past 40 years. We can begin making things again. We can create a country and a world that’s sustainable and in harmony with Mother Nature. We just have to have the will to do it.

Maybe we can learn something from the Magician in the House.

(I gotta believe.)

(T-60)

Idyllic – Day 1050

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Idyllic September Day – Photo: L. Weikel

Idyllic

Today was one of those days that will go down in the books as idyllic from start to finish. After spending the entire day outside in the autumn air, I can barely keep my eyes open. In fact, tonight is one of those nights when I keep falling asleep at the keyboard.

I wanted to choose a card for us this evening – something for us to keep in the back of our minds as we watch this week unfold. My sleepiness has thwarted my intentions, so I guess I’ll have to do it tomorrow.

In the meantime, if things start getting dicey right out of the gate tomorrow (on any of the myriad fronts our lives could go sideways, personally and/or collectively), I’d like to at least offer you these photos. Drink their loveliness in. Let them remind you of what’s deeply important and without which we will fail to survive.

Feeling Loved Again

As I sit here writing this post, I’m surrounded by our three cats. It’s as if they’re sentinels. Cletus is directly across the room from me on the couch. Tigger is behind me on my left, sleeping on the back of the couch I’m sitting on, and Precious is behind me on my right.

Speaking of Precious, she’s doing great. It is as if, energetically, she’s let out a huge sigh of relief. To me, it feels like she was holding her shoulders up toward her ears for the past, umm, couple years – and all of a sudden someone just touched her to make her relax and she’s looking around, bewildered at how she’s feeling now.

I’m excited for her.

I’m also managing to get at least half of the hyperthyroidism medicine into her every day. Score! I can’t tell at all whether that’s having an impact. But the steroids definitely are. Poor bunny girl. She must’ve been so uncomfortable for so long…

Here’s to a better week than last.

Idyllic (& Starry) September Night – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-61)

Roar – Day 1049

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Roar of the Whitewater – Photo: L. Weikel

Roar

Once I finally crossed everything off my list today, I finally allowed myself to sit on a massive slab in the middle of the creek. The volume of water coursing downstream was significantly less than yesterday, yet its roar continues to be deafening.

Every once in a while it’s deeply satisfying to find one’s self ensconced in the midst of so much noise. There’s no easy way to discern if anyone is trying to get your attention. In fact, unless movement catches your eye, it’s almost impossible to know whether anyone else is even around you. Instead, there’s this ‘white (water) noise’ pouring into your ears.

Layers of Flow – Photo: L. Weikel

It Takes Me a While

It actually takes me a while before I fully settle down and allow myself to just be with the relentless sound of the creek.

I eventually succeeded, but now I’m finding myself feeling like I left myself at the creek. I’m profoundly tired. Tired right down to my bones. It’s probably all the emotional upheaval of the past week.

It’s hard to believe it was only last week at this time when I heard a noise erupt from Spartacus that I thought was a massive and very peculiar sounding fart – but which I now strongly suspect was something bursting inside him.

It’s thoughts like these that are curiously similar to the swirls and eddies of the creek that I witnessed quite close to where I was sitting. If I let myself dwell too long on that weird sound then my feelings get stuck in a shallow little vortex that is hard to escape.

And that’s when I realize once more how brilliant it is to just succumb to Mother Earth’s healing ministrations.

She makes the creek loud enough to drown out the thoughts on purpose.

And when I re-emerge from my perch on the slab, I feel different.

Swirls and Eddies – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-62)

Early Autumn Perfection – Day 1048

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A Rainbow at Tohickon Creek – Photo: L. Weikel

Early Autumn Perfection

It sounds like the weather this weekend is going to be classic early autumn perfection. I’m sooo excited. I intend to spend as much of my time outdoors, immersed in Mother Nature’s embrace, as possible.

Sometimes we all need to just unplug from everything. The call to disconnect is strong at the moment. Given that I’m mostly water and electrical impulses myself, perhaps I’m as desperate for a ‘reboot’ as are my iPhone and laptops on occasion.

Where better than my go-to source of replenishment? Ah yes, my Tohickon Creek.

As I approached her today, the roar of her voice drowned out everything else, including my thoughts. I wish you could hear the sound that accompanies the photograph above. The rushing flow coursing down the argillite bed of this ancient waterway is almost intimidating.

Photo: L. Weikel

Not For Some, Though

Multicolored kayakers took advantage of the cascading water whirling and swirling over and around the boulders scattered along the bed of the creek. I’m not the type of person who usually takes vicarious pleasure from watching others do something adventurous or fun. Nah. I’d much rather be doing it myself.

But I have to say, I felt exhausted simply watching these athletes paddle furiously simply to keep themselves from being flipped by the coursing water. And even though I knew (or hoped) they knew what they were doing when their kayaks did flip them upside down, I caught my breath every single time it happened.

Photo: L. Weikel

Balm For My Soul

A hawk screeched relentlessly in the woods just behind me as I took the photo, above, with the rainbow arcing overhead. A few minutes later, I saw it (truth be told I’m not sure it was the same one) circling overhead.

The message I discerned in the cry of that hawk was, “Come home. Sit a piece. Let yourself just be.”

(T-63)

Feeling Very Loved – Day 1047

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Expressions of Love & Caring – Photo: L.Weikel

Feeling Very Loved

Man oh man, it’s been a week. Wait. What? It’s not over yet, you say? Well, I guess that’s technically true (and not a little scary). All I can say at this moment, though, is that I’m feeling very loved – and I have all of you to thank for that.

When I wrote my post last Sunday night, I was worried. I’d intended to write another anthropomorphized vegetable tale, but obviously that silliness was pre-empted. I may or may not regain the light-hearted silliness required to write about the carrot that arrived from the CSA last weekend.

As most of you know, it doesn’t matter what I may have tucked in the back of my mind as a possible topic on any given evening. Ultimately, I always opt to share my state-of-being in the moment. And I could feel in my bones that, even though he just seemed ‘punk’ throughout the day, Spartacus’s malaise was rapidly degrading into something far more concerning.

Community of Compassion

I want to tell all of you how much your words and gestures of love and compassion have meant to me this week. The first few days of the week were a blur of action and driving and shock. The next few felt like a slow-motion pileup of emotions – as well as that weird unable-to-catch-your-breath feeling of having the wind knocked out of you. That’s the feeling that accompanies sudden, irretrievable loss. It’s like a WOMP right to the solar plexus.

My wish is that none of you ever have to feel it. But of course, I know many of you already have. Whether you have or you haven’t experienced that feeling, reading about it is a gift. Not a gift to you necessarily. But definitely a gift to the writer. It’s a gift that you gut through it long enough to share in the emotions as hard as they may be to read, and then – even more amazingly – take the time to write a comment in response.

Can I tell you how much it meant to me to pull up FB on my phone and just see how many people had reacted? And then the shock of seeing the number of comments? I felt arms around me and a solidarity of shared compassion just in looking at those numbers.

To be honest, I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to read your sweet and loving comments until yesterday. It was a comfort simply to know you cared enough to write to me. I needed to wait a full day to take the time to scroll through them and then truly take in your love.

We Are Kindred Spirits

The level of compassion and understanding with which so very many of you responded was enlightening. The heartfelt responses I received from you were not a reflection of the quality of my writing. No. They were a reflection of the love that each and every one of you has experienced first-hand. Experienced – and then been forced to release into the ethers. Because that’s the nature of our lives.

The array of responses revealed something else, too: You’re all a bunch of lovers. We love and we let go.

The fact that I’m lucky enough to have so many people (from all over the world, I might add) in my life, sharing this journey, holding each other’s hands when any one of us is hurting, is a treasure. It’s not easy to live our lives with awareness. It’s hard to choose to feel – and not run from the hard stuff.

Thank you for being the kind softies you all revealed yourselves to be. I love being part of our community of compassion. I dare say it’s because we have each other that we pick ourselves up every day and refuse to give in to the darkness that threatens all of us every once in a while.

(T-64)

The Burial – Day 1046

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Made me do a double-take* – Photo: L.Weikel

The Burial

We buried Spartacus this evening. Our entire nuclear family was present for the ceremony, although the Boston** contingent had to attend via FaceTime. Amazingly, the weather held. In fact, when Karl and I walked before the burial, we were sure the ominous clouds building and racing through the sky cast some serious doubt on whether we’d even get the job accomplished tonight. Instead of raining on our ceremony, though, the clouds parted and – cross my heart – the stars and planets shone brightly in the sky above us.

Mama Killa (pronounced Mama keeya), Grandmother moon in Quechua, rose in her just-past-full abundance behind our house (from where we were burying Spartacus). Her light framed our house in a golden light. Of course, we buried Spartacus right beside his mother, both of them facing our house so they could always keep an eye on their people and home.

In the Clouds – Photo: L. Weikel

A Little Magic

I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have some sort of magical dust to sprinkle on our experience, right? Well, starting out this evening, as Karl and I walked, the clouds scuttling across the sky revealed a formation that was a pretty obvious reminder of Spartacus, especially his distinctive ears.

It was fleeting, but we both saw it.

During the ceremony, Cletus made a point of being with us, meowing the entire time. Cletus did the exact same thing when we buried Sheila. It’s as if he’s our designated keener. He cried and cried until Sacred Space was opened. He was silent during our heartfelt sendoff, then proceeded to cry and circle between all our legs again as Sacred Space was closed.

And speaking of heartfelt sendoffs, Tiffany sang a Patsy Cline song to Spartacus, honoring his devotion to us and our daily walks. I dare you to listen and not well up. I was blown away.

Keeping an Eye On Us

There was another synchronicity between Sheila’s burial and Spartacus’s (it still pains me to write that) involving Tiffany that I’ll share with you tomorrow.

But I’m going to leave you with the photo at the top of this post and below. What you see is what I saw when I looked up this evening, just as my son was leaving. This is the window that faces where the dogs are buried. But it looks out onto our porch. They are buried at least a hundred yards away.

If I did not know that Spartacus could not be out on the porch somehow managing to look in the window asking to be let in, I would’ve stood up right then and there and gone out to the kitchen to let him in.

It’s a moment of magic. And to be honest, one that made my heart skip a beat. Spartacus was known for his big bat-like ears.

Good grief. As I typed these words, I just turned to see if the shadow was still there. It is – and it moved. Again, my heart leapt into my throat. My mind grasps for a logical explanation and lands on, “This is a trick being played on me by the leaves of our trees.” Oh please. Who am I to explain it away? And why?

Nature conspires for the Magic Win of the evening.

Who’s Peeking In Our Window? – Photo: L.Weikel

*Ignore my dirty windows.
**Not to be confused with the Boston Terrier contingent, both members of which were in attendance in spirit, as opposed to via FaceTime.

(T-65)

Tomorrow’s Equinox – Day 1045

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They’ll Always Lead the Way – Photo: L.Weikel

Tomorrow’s Equinox

Well, when I mentioned last week that I suspected yesterday’s full moon and tomorrow’s equinox would be some powerful aspects to contend with, I guess I wasn’t messing around. And those are only the more obvious transits happening this week.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am emotionally cooked. In spite of my hopes and exhaustion, I didn’t sleep well last night. I tossed, turned, and was acutely aware of the absence of Spartacus in/on my bed. That boy slept in the small of my back for 13 years. So stringing the words together tonight is like walking through quicksand. I keep sinking into pockets of random thoughts and then jerk awake, finding I’ve been stuck on the same sentence for twenty minutes.

I did want to mention that tomorrow (Wednesday 22 September 2021) is going to be a powerful day on a number of fronts. The most obvious is the fall equinox, which will occur at 3:21 p.m. EDT. This marks the balance between light and dark and heralds the gradual shortening of our days (in the Northern Hemisphere) and the time of harvesting (on a variety of levels). Once again, this is a powerful time to begin taking action on making the changes in our lives that are in alignment and support of our dreams. Here is a perspective you might find interesting.

Spart’s Rainbow & Heart – Photo: L. Weikel

A Chaotic Day

Besides today being the aftermath of yesterday (how’s that for profundity?!), I also had set up an appointment last week for Precious to be seen by our vet. She’s been a hot mess for a long, long time and I finally made up my mind to have her examined and tested.

This is a bigger deal than you might at first think. She’s paranoid as all get out and of course she hid under the bed in my son’s old bedroom, howling (and yes, I do mean howling) in distress that Karl and I were trying to pick her up. (She bolted upstairs as soon as I looked at her about 45 minutes before her appointment. Damn cat is too psychic for her own good.)

We managed to double team her and not only put her in a pillowcase, which is my preferred method of transporting our cats to the vet, but for good measure also put her (while still in the pillowcase) into the cat carrier.

Long story short, she acted like her hair was on fire or as though we were plotting to slowly butcher her. Once I got to the vet’s office, she actually needed to be sedated (gassed) in her carrier so the doctor (who was still feeling anguish over Spartacus) could examine her.

While we are still waiting for the blood tests to come back tomorrow (to see if she has anything else going on in her old age), it turns out she has an autoimmune disorder, eosinophilic syndrome. She received a long-acting shot of steroids that could make her feel better than she has in a very long time indeed. I hope so, because her extreme anxiety wore me out, especially after yesterday.

Spart’s Feather – Photo: L. Weikel

Walking Hurt Today

It was excruciating taking a walk today. For all the joy being out in nature brings me, it was hard to appreciate anything in the realization over and over today that Spartacus and I would never walk together again.

Surprisingly, I did witness some magic, even though I was pretty sure my perspective was too sad to do so. A rainbow dog appeared in the sky and the cloud formation beside it reminded me of a broken heart. Not in a sad way, though. It felt more like an acknowledgment from Karl and Spartacus (and Sheila) that they feel my sadness and know how much I miss them.

Further along on my walk, I found this feather.

It’s a little bit of magic that I wasn’t expecting. In my need for sleep and desire to wake up and find this was all a bad dream, I’ll gratefully accept these gifts from Spirit.

(T-66)

He’s Actually Gone – Day 1044

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I Love You, Spartacus – Photo: L. Weikel

He’s Actually Gone

Trying to write this post is a nightmare. Believe me, I don’t want to. It stuns me that it’s necessary. Eulogizing my beloved Spartacus seems redundant. Any attempt – inadequate. I’m going to have to let the million posts I wrote that referenced him and his mother Sheila speak for themselves. I don’t want to believe he’s actually gone. But he is.

The photo that was at the top of last night’s post was taken at 2:00 p.m. yesterday. The rapidity with which his health situation crashed was stunning. The doctors have no clue as to his illness’s etiology.

All I know is that our veterinarian and the emergency veterinarian both were at a loss. His blood work showed his liver and kidneys were failing. He was septic – apparently very much so, according to his blood sugar. And the chances of bringing him back from the brink of reuniting with his mommy, Sheila, were extremely slim.

Hangin’ on the porch – Photo: L. Weikel

Small Comfort

As with all loss, especially the kind that sneaks up and smacks you in the head from behind, questions abound. Regrets, second-guessing, and ‘what-ifs’ swirl unmercifully in your head, and even more so in your heart. While intellectually you might know without a doubt that the one lost (and here I’m making no distinction between the objects of our love) knew they were loved and adored – it is small comfort in the face of the fact that suddenly they’re gone.

Squeaky toy, muddy paws; Photo: L.Weikel

And Yet, It’s Everything

I think that’s probably the most excruciating part about being a human. It’s both the awareness of love and the persistence of that awareness once the beloved is gone. Because it’s that persistence of awareness that stops us in our tracks when we remember they’re gone. And it’s the persistence of that awareness that’s reflected in the pain we humans are terrified of knowing. At least that’s been my experience.

Pain is the direct 1:1 reflection of the depth of the love. It can feel unfathomable.

I love with my whole heart, without restriction. And when I lose an object of my love (particularly unexpectedly) the pain ‘goes there.’ It is hard to see straight for a time. And it’s tempting to wish I’d never opened myself up to being hurt so deeply, to being left so vulnerable.

The Four S’s – Photo: L.Weikel

And Then I Remember

I remember the joy. I remember what’s truly important about life and living.

Knowing the pain, I love all the more. In fact, I yearn to bring more love into my life. I’m not a glutton for punishment. I just know. Love is what lives forever. And it’s the most powerful force in existence.

Sheila and Spartacus Reunited 9/20/21 – 5 days shy of one year exactly; Photo: L.Weikel

(T-67)