Month: April 2019

Finding Safety & Security – Day 169

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Box Turtle – Photo: L.Weikel

Question and Answer

I recently received an email from someone who’s been reading my posts. They asked me a question, and since I feel the question could be something lots of people might wonder, I thought I would share my answer.

Reader’s Question:

“Hi Lisa, I’ve been reading your posts and website, and it seems that we have many common pet peeves. I was wondering how you deal with them and where you find the strength. In general, I just feel that life is filled with torment. Where do you find safety and security?”

– JF (edited only slightly to remove possible identifying details)

My Answer:

“Dear JF,

First off, thanks so much for taking the time to read my posts and website.

Interesting question you pose. Where do I find safety and security. I guess my first response would be “in my connection with Mother Earth.”

As I’ve cultivated my ability to listen (and yes, there really is something to the sentience of all beings, including those that humans consider ‘just animals’ or even ‘inanimate’ – and they really are willing to communicate with us), I realize and know, deep down, that I’m not alone. And not only comfort but guidance is available to us.

We just need to learn how to ask for connection and cultivate our ability to See and Hear in new ways.

As we raise our energy and awareness, we really do start to see things in a new way. All of this may sound like a bunch of b.s., but I’m living it. And I’m doing my best to share the magic with others who are ready to shift their awareness.

Have you read my book yet? The experiences I had in that book were back in the early 90s. I’d never even taken a shamanic journey during the slice of my life that I describe in that book. So basically, Owl Medicine describes me at the beginning of this life-long journey.

If I did not have the world (and beyond-world) perspective that I cultivated over the past 30 years or so, I doubt I would have come through the experience of the death of my son in the way I have. Of course, it’s a process. And I still have my moments. But there is so much more beyond what we accept as reality. And I know that because I’ve experienced it directly.

As you can tell from reading my blog, though – I still get really freaked out and pissed off at the unconsciousness of so many. But wallowing in that for too long only brings me down. My task, as I understand it, is to raise my own energy up and trust that those who are ready to raise theirs will respond to my message, and my “Work,” and join me.

We can’t change the world, but we can shift our own selves and perspectives and then everything and everyone around us has to shift too (or fall away).

Don’t know if this makes sense, but…

I’m really glad you wrote!”

__________________________________________________________________

I just want to mention that I chose the Torment card (which corresponds to the Devil card in traditional tarot decks) from the Vision Quest Tarot two days in a row, yesterday and today, as Karl and I walked. And I chose Turtle (Mother Earth) – with Beaver (Builder – or ‘doer’) underneath this morning. Given that the word ‘torment’ was used in this question – and my answer was directly related to Mother Earth – it seemed like Beaver was urging me to share this interchange.

___________________________________________________________________

If you enjoyed this glimpse into the way I think (which, let’s face it, you subject yourselves to just by reading my posts anyway), please feel free to help me mix up the format!

Email me a question you may be pondering and I’ll do my best to give you my perspective, which may or may not be predictable, controversial, laughable, or even relatable. I’m not promising I’ll answer every question I receive, but if it’s sincere, I’ll do my best to give it a shot.

I just want all of you reading my words to know yet again how much I appreciate that you take the time to do so. And please: if you read something you enjoy or find interesting or helpful, feel free to share. If I’m going to be dedicating myself to this endeavor for the next 942 days (or more), I might as well seek to be read by as many as possible!

I know I have a core of you who have been sticking with me for 169 days so far. Wow! That’s just so cool. I hope you feel my gratitude.

Photo: recinet.ca

(T-942)

Perspective – Day 168

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Icy Perspective – Photo: L. Weikel

Perspective

We just finished watching the most recent Game of Thrones episode: the battle scene with the Undead in the final season. (Just in case this ever gets read at a time when they have no clue which episode I’m talking about!)

First of all, I need to confess that I’m a latecomer to GoT. Karl and I were so turned off by the first episode that it took us seven years to come around to giving the series another chance. That’s because we tried again maybe three years in and got turned off again within an episode or two by all the violence and gratuitous sex.

I’m far from a prude. But yowza, it took some fortitude to stick with it long enough to get hooked on the characters.

But third time was a charm, and we ended up watching all seven seasons last year. We started in, committing to “sticking with it this time,” months ahead of the release of Season 7, so we could slide right into it.

It was immensely satisfying. And yes, we were hooked.

After watching tonight’s episode, as well as the ‘after-program’ in which the show’s creators describe some of their thought processes in writing and filming it, Karl and I commented on how we might actually enjoy watching the entire series over again.

Not a Fan of Reruns or Reading Books Twice

That’s not something I would expect of myself – I’m not one to watch reruns nowadays (unlike when I was growing up and ‘reruns’ were the only game in town), just as I am loathe to re-read a book. There’s too much fresh content, too many new books being written (and older ones I’ve never read) to reread one I’ve read already.

But there was a lot of detail in all those episodes, and it is easy to see how I may have missed some things that later would become surprisingly relevant. I could actually see how watching it a second time could actually reveal enough nuances to make the entire journey enjoyable again.

And that’s when it occurred to me why I treasure my journals and appreciate the discipline of keeping one as consistently as I’ve (mostly) been able to do throughout my life.

When I go back and read my entries, I not only ‘see’ things from the perspective of that part of myself who wrote it. And that perspective is actually quite easy to recapture, as I was routinely highly descriptive. I’ve always made a point of being raw and honest in my journal writing. Otherwise, what’s the point? I never could see the purpose behind sugar-coating anything, but especially something you are writing for yourself.

And truth be told, as I’ve engaged in research to begin writing the sequel to Owl Medicine by going back and re-reading my journal entries, I’ve been fascinated at times with the things I thought and believed at the time. To read those entries with the knowledge of how things actually played out adds a dimension that can change the dynamic of your entire perception of how life has worked out.

Perspective.

It colors everything. Yet it is so incredibly easy to lose sight of precisely how important it is to understanding our feelings as well as our beliefs about the nature of everything – at least certainly the nature of our reality.

Just How Accurate Are Our Perceptions?

Knowing what we know today, how accurate do our beliefs or judgments as recorded years ago measure up? Would we interpret certain feelings or experiences the same way now, knowing how we once did? And perhaps more importantly, how we acted in reliance upon those interpretations?

I love the task of honing my awareness and ability to read persons, places, and circumstances.

And sometimes I think there is both great value and opportunity provided by watching reruns or allowing reruns to play in our mind by rereading old journals. Opportunity to learn about ourselves and others, which to me is what life is all about.

Who’d a thought I’d come to that realization from finally succumbing to the allure of GoT?

(T-943)

First Mow – Day 167

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First Mow     

I should’ve taken ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos.

Our grass was soooo long when we assessed it this morning. Not uniformly so, though, because our lawn is probably the furthest thing from a perfect lawn as you can imagine.

No, our lawn routinely looks like a third grader who’s decided to try to give herself a haircut, chop off her cowlick, and give herself bangs. Especially the wild onion. It sprouts amazing puffs of long ‘hair’ that punctuates the grass. But we love it that way. And best of all, it’s good for Mother Earth!

The lawn’s best look is – well, it’s in the past now! I should’ve taken a photo immediately after we finished mowing, as that’s when it’s most photogenic. That’s because all the different types of plants that comprise our lawn grow at remarkably different speeds. And the weather today was simply brilliant. Literally. Sparkling sunshine, brisk, cool breeze. Puffy clouds against a backdrop of robin’s egg blue sky.

Yep. It was a classic spring day. And after we finished mowing, the carpet of grass was emerald and lovely, at least in spots.

Cutie – Photo: L. Weikel

The thing is, the ground is saturated. The mower was actually in danger of flooding out a couple times, things got so deep in some places (both deep in grass and deep in water).

Rite of Passage

At least by getting the first cut of the season – our spring rite of passage – under our belts, the brisk winds and sunshine today should at least make inroads into getting things dried out.

But really? Who am I kidding? I’m writing about mowing our lawn today because I’m now so tired it’s hard to keep my eyes open. I’m astonished that I could be feeling so tired from mowing when I’ve been doing so much walking lately.

Family portrait – Photo: L. Weikel

Oh well.

Speaking of walking, we did get in a couple miles after finishing the lawn, and we were rewarded with some lamb sightings. (Speaking of lawn ‘mowers’ – these little fluffers were doing a job on the grass!)

And best of all? I did manage to get a few photos of these cuties. So, between the photos of the flowering trees, the puffy clouds, and the lambs, I hope your day is starting off with a ‘spring’ in its step!

Head for the hills! – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-944)

A Wild Day – Day 166

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A Wild Day   

The weather today was wild – and also seemed to stunningly reflect the unfolding of events in my office.

It was quite remarkable: my client and I were discussing some pretty dark behavior by a third party that was clearly affecting my client. In fact, once could make the argument that the third party was acting parasitic.

That’s an ugly word – and an even uglier, more unsettling concept than any of us really like to contemplate being directed toward us.

Cleaning House

There was quite an historical dynamic between my client and this third party, which we took our time to meticulously address. But the amazing aspect of afternoon that I want to mention is that when my client realized what had been developing over time, she then began the process of ‘cleaning house.’

What was astonishing was how, precisely when my client began actively deleting electronic ‘connections’ to this third party, the clouds outside of my office literally parted and rays of sunshine burst through the blinds of my office.

Initial Confirmation

The burst of light into my office was obvious and significant, and did not escape our notice. Indeed, it was a tremendous confirmation to us both that we had detected something real and she was taking prophylactic steps that were indeed appropriate.

Perhaps an hour or so later, we found ourselves in the midst of addressing certain other energetic connections to her personal energy field. Some were harder to remove than others. I’ve been taught that the utmost care needs to be exercised in doing this type of removal, and it’s important to be meticulous.

As I was employing various tools and techniques to sever certain connections between these two people, when I removed one particularly invasive attachment, we were once again bathed in the brilliance of a sudden parting of the massive, oppressive cloud cover and storm system that totally dominated the sky outside my picture windows.

The Timing and Significance Couldn’t Be Denied

Once our session was complete, within five minutes, the skies parted and a deluge took place. We had to smile: this was the final act of cleansing needed.

Our appointment today was a wild experience in a startling variety of ways. As we focused on what we were doing, we could easily have missed the synchronicities that took place; after all, we were distracted and focused upon simply making her feel better.

But then a day like today comes along and you simply know. There is so much more to life than what we perceive with our five senses…

I’m grateful for amazing clients like mine who pay attention and embrace the task of honing their discernment. True healing can never take place without a person having a desire to heal (and a willingness to embrace the wild).

Spring flower – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-945)

No Walk Today – Day 165

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No Walk Today

…and I’m out of sorts.

I’ve been walking more over the past six weeks or so. More than the usual two miles a day that is our (Karl’s and my) habit. Significantly more.

I’ve almost felt pushed out the door and urged to just get out and keep walking, walking, walking. I feel like it’s an attempt to clear my head and heart and body. But I can’t even say it’s been to hear more clearly or listen more deeply.

It’s simply felt like a process I was being compelled to undertake.

I can say that more miles of local roadways are now devoid of cigarette butts and random beer bottles or fast food detritus, which is a plus. And I’ve certainly been rewarded with some astonishing photo opportunities. (Where would I be without my clouds?)

But I can’t say I’ve had any revelations while I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other. In fact, it’s felt a bit odd and a little bit frustrating, as my favorite means of self-reflection and gaining deeper insight into myself is writing in my journal. So there’s this part of me that wrestles every time I slip Spartacus’s harness on and clip his leash to the D ring. (He’s the one who’s logged the most added mileage on his paws, gamely keeping me company almost every step of the way, while Sheila – being four years older – has increased her mileage but not to the extent of her ever-eager son.)

“I should be writing. I should be editing. I should be answering emails. I should be… (blah blah blah).”

And yet, in spite of these ‘shoulds,’ I’ve set out and just walked and walked and walked. I don’t listen to music. I don’t try to read. I just walk.

I’ve been meaning to go back and take a look at how many miles I’ve walked since my birthday. I have a feeling I’ve logged some significant mileage.

But to what end?

I can’t say. I trust, though, that it is serving a purpose. I trust that I’m being encouraged to engage in this activity for a reason, even if it’s not obvious to me at the moment.

I missed it today. And I’m out of sorts.

(T-946)

Raven’s Cryptic Message – Day 164

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Raven Grokking – Photo: sciencenordic.com

Raven’s Cryptic Message           

For someone who is genuinely and enthusiastically gung-ho over listening and acting upon the messages we receive, sometimes I can be as thick as two planks.

The frustrating truth is that it is nearly impossible for me to do for myself what I’m pretty good at doing for others: seeing things from a different perspective and intuiting the messages being presented so they can be implemented.

I try to exercise patience with myself, but I assure you, it’s not easy.

Waiting For Clarity

I’ve been on the receiving end of so many messages this year, it’s hard to keep track. But since the start of 2019 in particular, I’ve felt a major shift on my horizon. I’ve sort of been flailing about a little – guessing what some of the ‘signs’ might mean. But it’s also just not felt ‘right’ yet. Sort of like my life is like a brilliant orange-yoked egg sprung from a very happy, free-range hen. This glorious egg is sizzling in butter in a cast-iron pan – but still has a lot of slimy, only slightly opaque, ‘white’ groovin’ around its solar yolk.

It looks so enticing, but you either need to flip it quickly (making it ‘over easy’) or let it fry its course. Congeal a bit more. Don’t want to be too hasty in putting that baby on your plate.

(We had a delicious dinner tonight; I don’t know why I’m writing as if I’m starving and eating vicariously through my words.)

Anyway, my point is that the messages coming to me of impending change have come from all directions. Even son Karl, for whom I engage in this 1111 Devotion every single night, has seen fit to muscle his way back into this Middle World to give me a good push.

Ravens Ravens Everywhere

Something new this year is that Ravens have made a nest high within the crook of a tall evergreen across the road from our house. These birds are incredibly noisy and gregarious. I’m pretty sure these grokking, midnight-feathered, winged ones are Ravens – either that or ‘Fish Crows.’ I know I should be able to tell by their tails, but they’re mostly hopping around a lot lately, building their nests and yakking at each other.

As I’ve written before, Ravens are all about ‘magic.’ I picked it reversed and squared today, which you’ll recall in the ‘Weikel Way’ means it was reversed and the card on the bottom of the deck was a blank. So – extra powerful.

Now this could have freaked me out, since choosing Raven reversed can portend that there’s been an abuse of power, a wishing of ill toward another that’s coming back to haunt the ‘wisher,’  or a general smoky confusion.

When I read my card this morning, I was pretty confident that I’d not been wishing ill on anyone or abusing my power. But I did feel it might in some way be related to my uncertainty how to proceed in the face of all this recent pushing for me to ‘change things up’ and, as another message Karl gave through the three messengers I mentioned the other day, ‘take things to the next level.’

I felt like I was ‘on the brink.’

On the Precipice of Making a Leap

And so it was as the sun started slipping below the horizon this evening that I found myself fleshing out in my own mind some big changes I’m going to implement in the way I’m going to approach my Work and my life.

I started writing out some specific ideas. Then Karl suggested we take a walk and I continued fleshing out my sense of when and how and why I was ready to make some major changes. The sense of excitement and perhaps even of a ‘breakthrough’ in consciousness was flirting with us both.

As we strode along the newer, longer leg of our path (in keeping with my desire to add more mileage to my daily walks), I stopped at one point to take some photos of the clouds that just seemed to resonate with this pervasive sense of delight (and relief).

While the clouds themselves did not so obviously reflect what’s pretty clearly depicted in the following photos, the perspective lent by the iPhone captured the joy and forward movement of a figure, arms raised, skipping happily into the future.

Clearing the Smoky Doubt

My conclusion is that in making the firm decision to move forward with some serious changes in my practice and my life, removing myself from a rut I’ve obviously been reveling in for some time, I cleared away the smoky doubt that Raven reversed was warning me about.

I know I’m being a bit coy about revealing the changes that are coming. But check out these photos. See if you don’t see the joy in the figure running across the sky, breaking free of old habits, mental blocks, and self-imposed doubt and restrictions.

I need to get some sleep. As I’ve been told before, there’s work to be done!

Joyfully running and leaping into the future – Photo: L. Weikel

(T-947)

 

Original Owl – Day 163

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“Original Owl” @ Tinicum Elementary – Photo: L. Weikel

Original Owl           

Last week when I attended the program put on by the Penn State Extension Service on the Spotted Lanternfly, I had occasion to visit the new library at Tinicum Elementary School.

All three of our sons attended Tinicum, and I have to say, overall the school provided them with a great start to their academic lives. The teachers, especially, and Mrs. Wessel (who was principal when both Karl and Maximus attended) (Sage was shortchanged by her retirement) made the school one of those idyllic places where everyone knew everybody else’s child, we were a small, tightly knit but respectfully private community, and we all knew our kids came first in everyone’s minds.

So it was with a cloak of nostalgia draped around my shoulders that I walked into the new entrance to Tinicum’s school library to attend the aforementioned bug program.

Once Upon a Time, a Long Time Ago

The old school library used to have a diorama in it, with most of our local fauna represented in living color for the children to see ‘up close and personal.’ As a result, when Karl and I found the Great Horned Owl that ultimately became the ‘star’ of my book, Owl Medicine, we had it stuffed by a local taxidermist and donated it to the school.

 

At the time of that donation, actually, only Karl was a student at Tinicum. Maximus was in preschool and Sage wasn’t even a blip on our radar yet. Wow. So long ago it almost seems like another life.

Anyway, I’d heard (and could see from the outside) that major renovations had been done to the school and that the diorama had been dismantled. I worried that they’d done something with our owl, but did not have the heart to go look. I just knew it would make me too sad to contemplate it if the owl had been ‘disposed of.’

(Not to mention the fact that in order to get anywhere near the school anymore, you practically have to have six different forms of ID and a notarized note from your mother to gain entry. It is stunning to me the difference between how accessible our school was ‘back then’ compared to the lock-down status most schools keep themselves in now. That loss should go on my list of ‘topics for another day.’)

Waves of Nostalgia and a Sense of Continuity

Which leads me back to last week, when I entered the library and almost immediately noticed “our” owl swooping into the library from the back, in the wonderful pose we’d chosen for it. Warm feelings of nostalgia and continuity swept over me when I caught sight of our very personal and beloved contribution to our elementary school.

Truth be told, relief also swept over me. I’m so glad it’s still keeping a watchful eye on the children.

Seeing it again –such a handsome, majestic bird – and fully appreciating the profound impact finding this bird had on my life, is rather astonishing.

Yet Another Lesson on the Importance of Listening

As I described in my book, I knew when I saw a Great Horned Owl hanging upside down at the side of the road, its lifeless body dangling from a grapevine wrapped around one of its legs, that this discovery was important. It meant something bigger than just a tragic avian mishap.

I can tell you with complete honesty, though, that never in a million years would I have believed you if you told me I would eventually write a book called Owl Medicine and also name my shamanic healing practice Owl Medicine Shamanic Healing. (Indeed – if you’d told me at that stage of my life that I would become a shamanic practitioner I would’ve either laughed in your face or looked at you as if you had two heads.)

But here we are.

Here I am, writing this blog entitled “Ruffled Feathers” on my website (also named after our owl). My sons are men. Karl-the-younger is gone (or is he?), and Karl and I are still taking walks – every day – past the exact spot where we found that owl 28 years ago.

Kind of amazing.

(T-948)

Earth Day Wish – Day 162

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“Hootie” – Photo: L.Weikel

Earth Day Wish       

I had a long day today.

When I walked in the door this evening close to 8:30 p.m., Karl already had the pups dressed for success, their harnesses clicked on and leashes attached.

I love walking at night, especially on evenings when the sky is clear and the constellations pop out against an indigo backdrop. And I have to admit, as I’ve admitted before, I simply love, love, love my iPhone’s Sky Guide app.  Honestly, I cannot recommend this app more enthusiastically.

It’s probably weird that I’m writing about an app that identifies the abundance of celestial (and other) bodies existing ‘above’ us (although in truth, they exist beyond our planet in all directions, not just the ‘above’ defined by our limited perspective) on ‘Earth Day.’

But haven’t you noticed? Sometimes we need to ‘look elsewhere’ to fully, deeply, and lovingly recommit to appreciating what we already have right here at home.

Our home.

We Share Her With So Many

As Karl and I walked our usual route, a screech owl trilled its forlorn song. We saw herds of deer in a number of fields (and heard the occasional stomp of a hoof on the ground, in an effort to ward us away). Karl saw two turkeys crossing the road, and vultures were settling on branches conveniently near the carcass of a deer that had unsuccessfully attempted to cross the road earlier in the day.

I described to Karl the amazing escort I’d had as I traveled (very slowly) along a stretch of road in New Jersey early this morning. An osprey with prey hanging from its mouth seemed to be tracking along right beside me. I slowed down long enough to try snapping a photo, since no vehicles were anywhere to be seen in either direction. I wish I could figure out how to edit my photos so I could post a closeup.

Osprey with Prey – Photo: L.Weikel

A Bold Long Arc of Gold

But the best part of this evening was a special gift to us from the cosmos: a bold and brilliant shooting star that fell straight down in front of us, framed by the shadows of the ‘tree tunnel’ we walk through toward the end of our walk. The meteorite tonight, falling precisely as I was describing the astonishing number of license plates I’d seen earlier bearing Karl’s initials, was not one of those quick slips of faint light flitting across the sky. No, it was a bold long arc of gold taking its time as it fell before us, as if some huge giant was writing something in the sky and this was the downward stroke of a capital letter.

We were filled with delight and stopped in our tracks, looked in awe into each other’s eyes, and held each other in a long embrace, celebrating the magic all around us.

I don’t need to tell any of you how precious it is to experience life here on Mother Earth. I just wish we could care for her more generously while we’re still here to enjoy her.

(T-949)

What’s It Going to Take? – Day 161

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Easter Sky, 21 April 2019 –  Photo: L. Weikel

Change is in the Air

Just look at that photo.

That’s a reflection of what I’m feeling inside, this Easter Day.

I can’t say I’m feeling ‘blue skies.’ Or ‘sunshine.’ But I can’t say I’m feeling ‘foggy,’ either, nor would I characterize my internal meteorological state as ‘blue,’ ‘miserable,’ or even ‘torpid.’

If pushed, I’d probably suggest ‘glorious,’ ‘volatile,’ turbulent’ and most definitely ‘changeable.’ Certainly ripe for transformation.

I’m ready. Ready to shake things up. Break out of my rut. Stop being so conventional.

Sensing Karl’s Presence

A few weeks ago, I was feeling the distinct sense that Karl was ‘around.’ Truth be told, his presence had receded to a great extent over the past two years or so. He was much more communicative (in his way) the first five years following his death.

While sad that the messages weren’t coming through to me anywhere near as often, I’ve also felt deeply at peace with it. In fact, I’ve actively refrained from reaching out to him; I want him to be moving on, continuing on his evolutionary path, doing whatever he was called to do ‘next.’ I certainly did not want to be responsible for tethering him in any way to this reality.

So imagine my surprise when he actually arranged for me to either meet in person or have a conversation with three different people (none of whom know each other, one of whom I’d never met before, a second I’ve not seen in person for at least 8 years and only spoken to sporadically, and the third I’d only met twice in my life, the last time being five years ago) all within the span of three weeks.

Three Unexpected – and Unrelated – Messengers

I should note that I did not know any of these women as people who actively communicate with beings on the other side of the veil.

Yet, in each of those conversations, none of which had anything to do with Karl, he ‘broke through’ and made himself and his presence known.

And each one of them gave me essentially the same message, which was Karl provocatively asking, “Mom, what’s it going to take? It’s time.”

Each instance, naturally, has been stunning. Astounding. Completely and totally unexpected. And as each encounter followed the other, the urgency of the core message became harder to escape or dismiss.

The invitation, his hand, is extended. I need only accept.

“There’s work to be done.”

Beam of Light (Breakthrough?), Easter 2019 – Photo: L.Weikel

(T-950)

Best Easter Egg EVER – Day 160

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Karl’s egg 19 April 2014 – Photo: L. Weikel

Best Easter Egg EVER

I’ve always loved Easter.

The memories I have of Easters growing up are not whizz bang affairs. In fact, it’s funny – when I think back, as I sit here, trying to decide what memories I might share that could convey why my heart always seems to lift when I think about Easter, I realize how magical my thinking was…even back then. It wasn’t necessarily the literal stuff of Easter that I loved, it was what lived in my imagination.

I loved hunting for Easter eggs. Oh my goodness. Not the public hunts, put on by schools or churches. The hunts I cherish are the ones that took place in the living room of the farmhouse I grew up in.

My brother Henry is 16 years older than I. My mother would let him go out to see his girlfriend (and eventual wife), Diane, on the night before Easter only if he promised to come home and ‘help the Easter Bunny’ hide the hard boiled eggs I’d dyed that night.

The Hunt for the Eggs

I swear that was the best part about Easter. Finding the eggs that The Rabbit hid (as she came to be known in our household – Karl’s and mine – as our guys were growing up) was a challenge that had the potential to occupy me the whole day. Inevitably, there would be one or two eggs that were so well hidden that it would literally take me hours to find them. Sometimes my brother (if he could remember) would have to play that game of “warmer” to help me.

Truth be told, I think he probably had no recollection of where he’d hidden them and was only sending me on a wild goose chase anyway. At least a couple eggs over the years weren’t discovered until months (or perhaps years) later. They were completely desiccated by the time they were accidentally found, so who knows how long they’d excitedly waited to fulfill the dream of all true Easter eggs, of being reunited with their colorful siblings, only to wither away, forgotten and alone? Yeah. Sad.

The magical thinking that really made Easter special for me, though, is the image I’ve always carried in my head of the true Easter Rabbit. For the life of me, I don’t know why the thought of this creature didn’t scare me, especially since I cannot stand people in costumes or masks. I think it may be because I had such a sense that “she” was in fact a real Rabbit – just larger than normal – not a person dressed up as a bunny. But…wow.

The Reason for My Connection to ‘The Rabbit’

You’ll never believe it, but I just realized that on some level, my sense of and connection to the Easter Bunny was a precursor to the literal experiences with power animals that I would start having some 25 years later. (I’ve honestly never thought about it in this context before this moment. Wow.)

Another reason Easter is a favorite holiday is because I was born on Easter Sunday. So periodically, over the years, my birthday would again fall on Easter. But it always felt special, somehow, that I’d managed to arrive on that day (even if the day was nearly literally over by the time I arrived).

And I’ve always been partial to all the other babies (bunnies, chicks, lambs, pansies, robins, ducklings, piglets, daffodils) that abound in the springtime (hence, Easter-time), too. Indeed, even at church (raised Catholic), the concepts of death, rebirth and ascension appealed to me.

Anyway, it’s always felt like Easter was ‘my’ day – no matter when it fell on the calendar.

The Tradition – and Magic – Continued

Growing up, my kids knew my delight in Easter, and hopefully shared it, too. I’d even commandeered my eldest son, Karl, to help ‘The Rabbit’ hide the eggs for his younger brothers a couple of years, just like my mom had recruited my brother.

So imagine this: On April 19, 2014, my two adult sons (and Tiffany – who was meeting us for the first time!) were indulging me by coloring eggs on ‘Easter eve.’ I’d placed a pristine white egg in a cup of boiling water with red and blue food coloring and a dash of white vinegar (purple being my favorite color) and just let it sit. I wanted to see just how deep a hue of purple I could make this egg.

After it sat in the dye for quite a while, I dipped my tablespoon into the cup and raised it to the surface. The egg was covered with random bubbles, but it looked like it had ripened to a really deep and satisfying purple. I placed it carefully in the cardboard egg carton with all the rest.

We Could Feel His Presence

Mind you, this was two and a half years after Karl had died. He was, as he still is, thought about and talked about frequently. But we were especially reminiscing about prior Easters with him as we introduced Tiffany to our traditions. We could feel not only how much we missed Karl but how much Karl was missing us.

Imagine, then, our goosebumps and stunned expressions when I picked up my purple egg and looked at it carefully. Not only was his name clearly written on the egg, but it also looked like it was written on a background of stars. And even more amazing, the letters of his name actually look like his style of printing. Random bubbles?

As we’re fond of saying: YCMTSU.

Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy Springtime, Happy Rebirth and Renewal.

Believe.

(T-951)

P.S.: We love you, Karl. And again, a hearty well done on that manifestation!