Month: November 2018

Trusting the Leap – Day Nineteen

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Trusting the Leap

I’m having a hard time coming up with something to write about tonight. Nothing is jumping out at me; I had a long day, I’m tired, and I didn’t experience any major “Ahas!” regarding this morning’s ‘pick.’

Technically, my full pick this morning was Black Panther/Beaver. Although I always love when I choose Black Panther – since its title attribute in the Medicine Cards© is “Embracing the Unknown,” I always enter my day when I choose it with a sense of anticipation and a bit of mystery – I can’t say as though I noticed it applying to the way my day unfolded.

Beaver’s title attribute is “Builder,” and my usual default sense of Beaver when it’s underneath is that it somehow has something to do with working with others, or ‘teamwork.’

Applying My Cards to My Dilemma

And now I will admit to something:

It is only now as I am writing this post that I am sensing the application of my card pick.

My receipt of Black Panther was the cards telling me that I needed to “leap empty-handed into the void with implicit trust” in writing tonight’s post. I just had to dive in. And as soon as I wrote that first sentence, I felt like I might be onto something. Just admitting that I had no subject was a subject!

That’s when I thought to consider what I’d chosen on my day – at least it might give me a jumping off point.  So, while it may have been more accurately described as an empty-headed leap into the void with implicit trust, here I am, embracing my Black Panther.

And the Beaver underneath? Well, that sort of just falls into place for me now and underscores that Black Panther is appearing in reference to my 1111 Devotion . Beaver’s placement underneath is you. Why? Because we are a team. We are a community. By taking the time and according me the honor of choosing to spend a few precious minutes with me each day (or whenever you can), you are respecting my Act of Power. You are respecting my dedication to this crazy devotional practice. And honestly? Knowing that you (and yes, your single self is absolutely precious to me) are going to read this has spurred me on to put one sentence after another and follow through.

Sometimes They Make Sense Only Later

It’s also another way for me to show how the Medicine Cards©work for me. They do not always make sense to me as I read them at the outset of my day. Some days I honestly have no clue as to how my pick will apply. Some days I can honestly say I never figure it out.

But then there are days like today, when the meaning or application has not had an opportunity to manifest until the sun has long since set and I am starting to grow sleepy.

The cool thing (for me), though, is that I still feel the magic. I’m delighted that my choice of cards this morning taught me something this evening. They came to my aid by informing me that sometimes we just have to leap into the void, even if we are empty-handed (or empty-headed), with implicit trust – in order to keep building on our commitment to the ‘team.’

So again – thank you for being there for me.

recinet.ca

(T-1092)

Day Eighteen (T-1093)

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Portals

This morning I was reminded by my favorite, most amazing, numerologist (who is also a friend), Alison Baughman, that today is yet another “11-11-11” day.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basics of numerology, you might be wondering how today, November 29, 2018, could be considered an 11-11-11 day.

Obviously, you realize that the first 11 is for November, the 11thmonth. The second 11 is the day today, the 29th, ‘reduced’ (2 + 9) to 11, and finally the year, 2018, also ‘reduced’ (2 + 0 + 1 + 8) to 11. That’s pretty much how you do anything in numerology as far as dates. Everything is added up to its lowest configuration between 1-9, unless you reach 11 or 22, which are considered “master numbers,” which do not reduce further (to 2 or 4, respectively).

There’s a ton of fascinating information you can access through numerology, and I urge you to explore it as a means to gaining yet another perspective on the quest to understanding yourself and why you are here, perhaps what lessons you are here to learn, as well as what skills and assets you bring to the table.

And yet again, I am the quintessential poster girl for the concept of  “a little bit of knowledge being a dangerous thing.” Don’t take my word for any of this. If playing with numbers is attractive to you, or you notice certain ones showing up frequently and wonder if there’s any meaning to it, take the time to learn about it. See for yourself if applying these principles bears fruit for you.

But back to the power of today.

Naturally, I am probably slightly more tuned in to the potential for transformation when it comes to 11s than a lot of people. Not only did my life change irrevocably on 11-11-11 (technically, yes, it was 11-11-2011), but it also turns out that I have 11s all over the place personally. Right down to the post office box that was assigned to me over 30 years ago adding up to an 11. It’s weird.

And despite my experience of 11-11-11, I actually love the number 11, probably because it is a number so deeply connected to me on so many levels. I see it, quite honestly, as the PORTAL, or doorway, that it is. A doorway to birth, rebirth, change, transformation, new experience, adventure, and yes, maybe even ascension.

So I felt a little bit of excitement quickening within when Alison reminded me (well, everyone following her on FB, to be honest) that today would almost certainly be a momentous day in some way because of its numerological significance. Indeed, all day I felt a sense of anticipation that we might be passing from one experience or understanding of ‘reality’ to another; that there might be revelation, or an exposition of us to light or information or profound change – either on a personal or much wider level.

And then the day started unfolding. Revelations abound. Lies are being exposed, light is illuminating the darkness, and perhaps – hopefully – truth is coming to the fore.

It is indisputable that we have passed through some major portals today as a nation, and it remains to be seen what will come of it all.

In some ways, perhaps, old beliefs and assumptions of what was true and what was not have died, making way for the birth of new understandings and perspectives. Ah, those alluring 11s. Those portals to our future…

I don’t know about you, but I am ready for some shifts in our reality. Walking through the portals may yield some really scary experiences and even feel like the death of some things (ideas, beliefs, hopes, fears), but ultimately, it is transformative. A rebirth.

Perspective – Day Seventeen (T-1094)

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Perspective

I imagine it’s not easy being married to me. (When Karl reads this tomorrow morning, he’ll probably choke on his coffee.)

Instead of making you guess what I’m talking about, I will cut straight to it.

Every day, over our morning coffee and card picks, I have added a new facet to our morning: I ask him to weigh in on my blog. Poor guy. Every damn day. (Actually, that’s not true. It was true for maybe the first week; but since then, he has come to realize that he, too, is ‘in this for the long haul,’ and thus is going to need to provide me with some feedback every day. So now he tends to volunteer it.)

He has surprised me on a few – liking a couple that I thought were sort of lame, mostly. And yesterday’s post was not stellar. I knew it when I wrote it. But I thought it might have earned points for being written in a slightly different style – with more dialogue, specifically.

— Just tryin’ to change things up, folks! —

But he kind of grimaced after letting me know he’d read the post and I knew his expression spoke the truth.

Looking for Honesty – Gentle, but True

And believe me, as much as I want him to love every pearl that flows from my fingertips, more than any kudos he could possibly heap upon me I want him to be honest. Gently honest, perhaps; but absolutely, unequivocally, truthful. I do not ever want to think or feel the slightest suspicion that he is blowing smoke in my direction and telling me what I want to hear as opposed to what he really thinks.

So I took his grimace in stride, and we agreed that I’d known going into this devotional practice that some days I would struggle to have anything to say. Indeed, as I’m pretty sure I’ve said before – I cannot allow myself to fully contemplate how many days I’ve committed to saying something – ha ha, even though it’s right up there in the heading each and every day.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I had an email conversation about half an hour later with a dear friend in which she specifically pointed out what she’d enjoyed about the post! The little things that had made her smile, including the fact that my missive was an appreciation of the technician who’d come out to fix my laptop – a welcome deviation from the usual tendency to bitch-post about service in our society.

It’s Not for Me to Judge

Janet’s email to me was a timely and very welcome reminder about perspective.  It is easy to get caught up in musing about topics we consider deep, important, profound, or moving. It’s easy to feel like those are the things we ‘should’ be thinking or caring about on a regular basis. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time, right?

Maybe not.

The last thing I want anyone reading my 1111 Devotion posts to feel is that they’re a waste of time. But I’m hearing (if I listen to the message I feel Karl and Janet were both giving me today) that it’s not for me to judge.

Looking into the future, I know that, really and truly, if I am going to write a post every single day for the next 1094 days, I am going to be called upon to trust my muse. Be it Spirit, my allies, my intuition, whatever… I will need to trust that whatever flows through my fingertips is meant for someone, even if it’s ‘only’ me. Even if it’s just the satisfaction of fulfilling my commitment.

But deep down, I hope there will be at least one other person ‘out there’ whose perspective will allow them to feel a kinship with me that day. Who will smile, or think about something a little differently, because we had a chance to connect.

Thank you for joining me!

Resolution – Day Sixteen (T-1095)

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Resolution

I received a phone call first thing this morning from a man who identified himself as a Dell Service Technician. “Hi, I’m Steve and I’m calling about a Dell service issue?”

“Yes,” I replied, waiting, trying not to launch my frustration onto him.

“Yeah, I understand you’re having issues with your–” he continued. I laughed, interrupting him.

“Umm, yeah, you could say that.”

“I’m calling to set up an agreeable day and time for me to come out and see if I can help,” he continued, plowing through my slightly snide response.

“Today, to answer your question.” I responded promptly. “And now would be good.”

Steve laughed. I did too. But then I added, “We laugh, but I’m serious.”

“Hang on,” Steve replied, and I could hear him shuffling papers in the background.

“Umm, I can get there between 10:30 and 12:30…”

“Today?” I interrupted, somewhat incredulously, given my initial impression that he was scheduling for later in the week.

“Today.”

“I will be here! Let’s make it happen,” I assured him. “That is so great. Thank you.”

Technician in Shining Armor

And so it was that my Technician in Shining Armor arrived around 11:00 a.m. with both a new motherboard and a new LCD display (more accurately identified as the entire screen/top half of my laptop), which he very adeptly installed (with only minimal feline oversight), effectively leaving me with a virtually new laptop.

“If the symptoms should reoccur at all within the next few days,” Steve shared upon completion of his mission, which included installing a whole new Microsoft operating system, “we’ll know it’s nota hardware issue.”

“Which means I shouldn’t call you, eh?” I laughed.

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head. “Not. My. Thing.”

Nice guy. No nonsense. Five stars.

Dell is lucky to have such a first class independent contractor. And I’m lucky it was Steve who showed up today.

——————————-

Funny thing, though?

As I started writing tonight’s post on the Dell, I realized I was feeling disloyal to my MacBook, so I’m writing this post on ‘her’ tonight. She got me through this debacle without missing a beat (besides getting knocked off the internet a zillion times in Boston, resulting in the post not getting uploaded until 12:02 a.m. that one night). But that wasn’t her fault.

We’ve become quite a team over the past week. She kept me from succumbing to resistance and blockages. Perhaps I will write all of my posts on her from now on. We’ll see!

Day Fifteen (T-1096)

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“Cawing” It Like I See It

 

This will probably be a pretty short post. I’m still in the midst of my laptop saga. There is a chance I will be visited by a Dell technician tomorrow, provided the new motherboard and LCD something-or-other have been delivered. But it sounds like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing, so it will be interesting to see how this unfolds. And of course I will keep you updated!

Once again: I am SO GRATEFUL to have my MacBook Air. Geesh, where would I be without it?

In the meantime, I want to alert you to a decidedly dubious decision made by Facebook today.

I have a great friend, Myrina, who recently launched a website and instagram account offering a unique and fascinating insight into the application of tarot in our lives, working specifically with a really cool deck that focuses on alchemy. This is her website . Her instagram name is cosmic.meta.crow.

Anyway, this is the post she just made a few days ago:

Now I want you to contemplate everything you see and hear and read about not only on FB, but also on television, in magazines, in movies, etc. Think about all of the egregious images and concepts that fill our airwaves every day.

Well, guess what? (I’m sure on some level you won’t be surprised in the least.) Facebook (or Instagram) (or both) refused to allow Myrina to promote her post for this week (a three card “spread” for which she offers an interpretation for readers to ponder) because of the Lovers Card!

Check that card out. It doesn’t even have any full-frontal nudity! It is the Lovers card. And her post was deemed offensive.

I find it offensive that we can be inundated with violence every day, but a drawing of two human bodies, in repose and affection, with hardly the slightest glimpse of anything is deemed too risqué for publication.

I think this whole ridiculousness highlights the astonishing prudishness (or should I say, “Puritanism?”) that remains vital and flourishing in this country.

How in the world can the human body be deemed offensive when killing and maiming it is not? Indeed, even more perverse is the categorization of the concept of “Lovers” as objectionable. Is it sex? They’re clearly not “having sex” on this card. Just what is so terrifying about the ultimate expression of our desire for union anyway?

If you are interested in a fascinating, complex, introspective perspective on tarot and how it might provide you with some insight and guidance each week, I encourage you to visit my subversive cosmic.meta.crow friend’s site. Be a little naughty (at least, according to Facebook) – you just might fly free!

Sudden Sadness – Day Fourteen (T-1097)

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Sudden Sadness

 

Karl and I just safely arrived home from Massachusetts a short while ago.

Knowing I needed to write my post for the day, I logged onto my laptop. (My MacBook Air, for those of you who might be wondering. I will deal with Dell tomorrow.)

I clicked on Face Book almost without thinking, and the very first post that showed up on my feed was something from a dear friend from high school.

Her Use of the Past Tense Said It All

As soon as I started reading it, I noticed her use of past tense when referring to her brother, giving me a terrible, hollow feeling in my heart.

I didn’t know Mike – not really. He was a presence, but I was not; so he didn’t bother with me – as is not uncommon with older brothers in general, especially when they’re somewhat close in age, but just out of range, so to speak. But I knew ‘of’ him, and over the course of the recent years of FB, I’d gotten a taste of his sense of humor and loveable-bearness.

But Ann’s use of the past tense, and her description of the past two weeks – yes, only TWO WEEKS – before losing him this morning to an apparently lightning-swift or long undiagnosed cancer is stunning and heartbreaking.

And so I am once again left wanting to comfort, to console, to make sense of how devastatingly quickly any of our lives can change through loss or end.

I am glad for him that he did not linger or suffer. And I am beyond sad for the grief and loss of my dear friend Ann and her sister Jane.

Day Thirteen (T-1098)

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Sheila – the loved and literal Mommy Dog – Photo: L. Weikel

 

Mommydog 

I saw this video (click on the title, above) about a week ago, when my friend, Beth, posted it on FB. The video (which I love, and can’t get out of my head) is performed by her son, Asher Roth.

I’ve known Beth for about eight years now. Maybe nine.

In December, 2010, my son Karl and I drove cross-country from California back to Pennsylvania. Some of the encounters we had along the way may provide fodder for future posts, but not tonight.

My point in bringing that trek up is to give context to the fact that I gave Karl an astrological-and-tarot reading with Beth that month. He was just completing his ‘Saturn return’ (an occurrence we all experience every 28-30 years, which I’ll definitely write about soon) and he allowed me to sit in on the reading with him, which was fascinating.

Transits and Challenges

This was the first time he’d been home in at least a year, I believe, and it had been a tough one. I’m so glad he and Beth let me sit in, because I took notes during the reading – which I’d forgotten and only just rediscovered recently. This discovery proved particularly fortuitous, since Beth had long since deleted her recording of the reading when he lost his life eleven months later.

The tale told by the position of the stars at his birth and the transits that were bringing challenges and adventures for him to experience that next year (2011) were eerily remarkable, particularly in hindsight.

But I digress.

During that ‘reading,’ and many, many times since then, Beth has remarked how much Karl reminded her of her son, Asher. The creativity, the affection, the sense of humor, the depth. The talent.

When I watched and listened to Asher’s song last week, I knew I would post it today, because we held Karl’s Gathering in honor of his life on the Saturday following Thanksgiving Day 2011. So on this Saturday following Thanksgiving Day 2018, with the recent release of this heart-expanding and yet heart-rending video, I knew I wanted to post this in honor of all the sons out there like Asher. And Karl. Sons who venture out into the world to do their thing, make their mark, and create something unique to their hearts – yet ultimately realize the depth of their roots and what really matters.

What Really Matters

I have to admit, the first time I watched this I tried to maintain an emotional distance. I tried to pretend it wouldn’t touch me, even though I knew simply from the title that it would. I tried not to feel how much I wished I could feel the arms of Karl around me once again.

But the second time? Not a chance. I couldn’t not feel tears welling up in my eyes and a sob catching in my throat. There is such a beauty to this video. Such a reflection of love of family, of appreciation for what is truly valuable and meaningful…

There is such a reflection, to me, of what I had with Karl and what I’m lucky enough to have with my two other sons (and their father). And the two amazing young women I now consider daughters.

Family. Love. Roots.

This video is amazing and makes it almost possible for me to imagine Karl creating it for me.

Thank you, Asher.

How Many Did I Say? – Day Twelve (T-1099)

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Eleven? 

Wait a minute. What exactly is my 1111 Devotion commitment?

I’m thinking I meant 11 – and then stuttered, making it sound as though I said one thousand one hundred eleven posts, but actually meant 11. Surely, I meant eleven.

Of course I’m totally blowing smoke.

I’m just hitting that place that I feared – no, knew – I would when I set out on this mission, but sadly, am hitting far sooner than I’d hoped. The dreaded, “Oh crap, what do I have to write about tonight?” place.

I’m sitting here in an apartment in Massachusetts, listening to the comforting noises of heat tick tick ticking through the pipes, a kitten chomping on hard cat food behind me, and the unfamiliar hum of the refrigerator competing with the rustling of another kitten stalking a laser pointer’s cherry mouse within a bunch of packing paper.

 

Tonight I have to be satisfied with the simple act of writing this post. Satisfied with the fact that I am following through; fulfilling the commitment, even if it is not that great. Not even good. But it is sincere.

I care enough about fulfilling my commitment to risk exposing myself as occasionally completely uninspired. Hopefully for all of us, I will begin to cultivate oases of inspiration upon which I’ll be able to draw more often when I have nights like tonight.

That is definitely something I need to work on: keeping a list of potential topics.

Which reminds me: if any of you have suggestions, or questions, or topics you’d enjoy exploring with me, I’d love for you to let me know.

Thank you for checking in on me today.

Turkey Day – Day Eleven (T-1100)

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Turkey Day

Funny.  I never call Thanksgiving “Turkey Day,” but here I am titling my blog post for today “Turkey Day.”

I didn’t eat turkey today, nor did I even see one (either in the wild or on a platter).

But I thought of turkeys today – and the meaning of Turkey as conveyed by my beloved Medicine Cards – and in spite of myself, kind of felt a little sad.

One of the paragraphs in Turkey goes as follows:

“Spectators unfamiliar with the cultural phenomenon of the pot-latch or give-away ceremony are often mystified by it. A tribal member may gladly give away all he or she owns, and do without in order to help the People. In present-day urban life, we are taught to acquire and get ahead. The person with the most toys wins the game. In some cultures, no one can win the game unless the whole of the People’s needs are met. A person who claims more than his or her share is looked upon as selfish or crazy or both. The poor, the aged, and the feeble have honor. The person who gives away the most and carries the burdens of the people is one of the most respected.”

What’s Mine? Yours? Ours? Theirs?

There’s a lot of focus these days on what’s ‘mine,’ what’s ‘yours,’ what’s theirs,’ and what’s ‘ours.’ And there are a lot of people claiming an astoundingly greater portion of a lot of our resources than could even remotely be considered their ‘share.’

And I will be the first to admit that I do not consistently embody the spirit conveyed within this paragraph. I don’t even come close. But I aspire to do so.

And I wonder how much better so many people in the world would feel if everyone just thought a little bit more about someone else. Not only the people who were ‘thought of,’ but also the people who do the thinking of others. It could be such a colossally ‘win-win’ of a situation.

The joy of making another person smile and know they’re loved – it’s huge. The joy of letting another person know they make a difference in your life and you appreciate them for it – can change their life forever. The joy of taking a moment to be kind, to be generous, to be patient, or to be compassionate – can make your life worth living.

Sometimes the smallest gestures, such as looking directly into a person’s eyes when you listen to them, can make everything seem a little bit brighter.

Aspire to make a difference. Smile. Be grateful. You matter.

Happy “Turkey” Day.

Mercury Rx or Lemon Laptop – Day Ten (T-1101)

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Mercury Retrograde? Or Just a Lemon Laptop?

Technically, Mercury is ‘retrograde’ now. It stationed and started appearing to move backwards from our perspective on Earth (obviously the planet is not literally moving backwards) on November 16thand will station and ‘go direct’ again on December 6th. When this happens, which it does three or four times per year, I think, the astrological lore is that many things associated with communication, electronics, appliances, etc., go on haywire, or are easily messed up somehow.

It is generally recommended that one not sign contracts during a period of Mercury retrograde, nor purchase electronics or other appliances – and it’s quite possible that wires of communications will get crossed and misunderstandings can abound. Phone calls drop more easily, emails don’t go through, etc., etc.

Interestingly enough, Sunday night, as I was putting the final touches on my post for that night, the screen on my Dell laptop started flickering. I immediately felt that queasy feeling. I’d seen this before. It stopped, and I completed what I was writing, hoping maybe I’d imagined that <<flicker>>.

I’d been down at the cabin and I had to get home so I could connect to the internet to publish the post. When I opened up my laptop here at home – oh my. The screen was fritzing into bands of gray pixels, then yellow band with jagged edges of orange and yellow, then bands of blue. (Even though it wasn’t, it looked like it should be making a crackly, hissy, zzzt zzzt noise.) The screen would revert back to showing the desktop, but little lightning like dots were randomly darting here and there and it was clear to me that it was rapidly losing its mind, so I frantically emailed myself the two posts I’d written that day. I was determined to neither lose those posts nor miss my deadline. The cursor literally froze in place after I hit <<send>>.

Lucky for me, we have another laptop and I was able to file that post before midnight.

On Monday, I called Dell’s premium support desk and ended up spending over five hours on the phone with them, during which they put both my computer and me through our paces. I was surprised when the technician took a snippy attitude with me; he acted a bit patronizing and assumed a couple of times that what I was reporting happening or seeing on the screen wasn’t so.

After five straight hours working on the machine together, he did something to it remotely that would take about two hours to complete. He said he would call me back to see if it successfully resolved the issue.

It did not. My tech did not call me back personally. Instead, “Joel” called me, saying my tech was on another call. Joel sounded chagrined that the procedure had not worked, put me on hold, and told me my tech would call me back at 11:00 a.m. EST Tuesday (yesterday) morning.

He did not.

In fact, NO ONE from Dell premium support (such as it is) called me yesterday. Naturally, I waited around for several hours. I need my laptop. (And no, I only have an 800 # for Dell – the techs call us; we don’t call the techs.) NOT ONE CALL. MY LAPTOP IS DEAD.

Oh, and did I mention this exact same thing happened in September? After spending hours and hours on the computer that time, they made me SEND IT IN to Dell (even though I have on-site service), and – a week later –  told me there was nothing wrong with it. They did a total reset of my computer (all my programs had to be reinstalled), but there was nothing wrong with it. Right.

And now it was happening again, two months later.

As I said, they did not have the courtesy to call me back yesterday after taking up over five hours of my time on Monday and failing to fix it.

Today, I was in a session all day. My phone was on silent, as I was with a client. There was ONE phone call from Dell: at 1:52 p.m. At 1:55 p.m., this guy had the unmitigated temerity to write me an email saying that he had “tried unsuccessfully to reach me” and since he didn’t get through to me, he was “archiving my service request.”

Can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

I thought I didn’t have anything to write about tonight. And I obviously didn’t have anything thoughtful to share.

But be aware of Mercury retrograde. Ha. Or crappy “premium” service by Dell.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve – and my apologies for being a crank.

I’m just grateful we have a MacBook Air in the house.